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Did I overreact by reporting this to the police?

Unhappy's picture

So SD (9) comes back from BM's with bruising all along her cheek bone going clear up to her temple in the left side of her face. When I asked her what happened she told me that BM and Sdad took her and SS (7) shooting and on the way back BM let her ride in the back of her Grandfather's pickup truck (it had a canopy on it) where he was apparently driving so fast that she was being bounced from the floor of the pickup clear up to the top of the canopy roof and BM was in the vehicle behind them. To make matters worse there was a unsecured wheelchair in the back with her that was being flung all over the place. When I asked her what happened she told me that she doesn't know if the bruising is from slamming her face into the wheelchair or from it bouncing off of the roof of the vehicle. She told me that she was scared and when she exited the vehicle she was crying but nobody even stopped to ask her what happened.

SS (7) also came back with some deep scrapes from crashing on his bike as well. Both knees, and his entire elbow. And we aren't talking little scrapes here ladies.

DH, being DH is like "take some pictures and I will send an email." Really? SD could have been seriously injured and this isn't the first time that MOTY has put the kids in danger. When SS was 5 he could have been killed by the airbag in her car because she left the key in the ignition and told him to run to the store to get some propane during a BBQ. What did he do? Climbed in the car and drove it into the wall of her garage. Where was she? We still don't know. He almost loss the use of one of his hands because he stuck it under the running tread of a treadmill. Where was she? We still don't know. She let the kids drive to daycare on paved city streets (obviously they weren't wearing their seatbelts). Where was she? Letting them sit in her lap. This list can go on and on.

I got fed up last night and called the police. DH is pissed but I gave him the option to do it before I did. Did they do anything? Nope. Apparently in this state it's not against the law to put a child at risk of head injuries or broken bones. Not to mention the fact that if you hit your head hard enough it can kill you.

So my question to you all is did I overreact ladies by trying to report this?


ItHasGottenBetter's picture

So you don't have seatbelt, child seat laws? If anything, those were broken. Did you send the pictures to CPS?

Unhappy's picture

The pics didn't get sent to CPS and yes we do have seatbelt laws in this state but I guess it not illegal for a small child to ride in the back of a pickup truck. The police officer told me that riding in the back of a pickup truck is illegal in California. I really didn't find that information helpful since we do not live in CA.

ItHasGottenBetter's picture

It surely is illegal. The law that kids under 8 have to be in a child seat is national. I live in a state where pickups are the primary vehicle. I know of a few people that have been thrown out of the back of them and either killed or massive brain injuries.

Your best option is to go thru CPS. That's how they finally got the skids from BM..bruises on SDs face. BM was charged with child abuse and neglect.

Unhappy's picture

Finally!!!!!!!!! That's where I'm at. DH can be as mad as he wants. SD should have never been put in that situation in the first place and she could have been put in the hospital because of it. I am not going to just stand there and watch someone put any child in a situation that is not safe and completely dangerous.

ItHasGottenBetter's picture

Taking the gf status out of the picture. What if you were driving behind a truck and you could see kids bouncing around in the back...just random kids. Would you call the police to notify them of the dangerous situation.

ItHasGottenBetter's picture

Honestly, why do any of us stay with some of the assholes we have stayed with and still do?

ItHasGottenBetter's picture

I know, I was one of those stupid women too. I was one of the ones that knew BM needed to lose her kids, just didn't think it ahead that they would be full time.

Unhappy's picture


We have been married for two and a half years and when shouldn't a child being put in a dangerous situation not be reported? It was done willfully and I doubt had my SD known that she was going to bounced from the bottom of the bed of the truck to the top of the canopy roof with a free roaming wheelchair in back that she would have opted out of that offer.

The fact of the matter is she could have been seriously injured.

Unhappy's picture

Not to mention the fact that she either hit the wheelchair face first or the roof of the vehicle with her face that her entire cheek bone is bruised clear up to her temple. How could you not report that? Because something illegal was done (we do have seatbelt laws) a child's face got smashed into something. And the damage could have been so much worse.

Anon2009's picture

I don't think you overreacted. If the wheelchair wasn't in the back I'd feel differently. When I was younger, I rode in the back bed of my dad's truck sometimes, but he drove reasonable and there wasn't any loose stuff lying around.

Unhappy's picture

This wasn't loose stuff lying around. Apparently, according to SD, the wheelchair was flying around the back of the truck as well.

How fast down a dirt mountain road do you think that you would have to drive to have a 65 pound object bounce from the floor of the truck to the top of the canopy. Just a question. Anybody got any guesses?

Unhappy's picture

That's what I'm saying. I mean, technically I have never done anything like that so I wouldn't exactly know but just using deductive logic I would assume it would have to be pretty fast and the road would have to be pretty bumpy.

Not to mention the way SS looked when he came back. You should see these scrapes and it's either this or they're coming back sick with things like strep constantly, colds, bronchitis, hand foot and mouth, crazy rashes, whooping cough, skin so dry that it's cracked and bleeding, pink eye, sinus infections, this list can go on. I know that all kids get sick but come on? This is truly like an every other week thing (or every time that they come back home). SS came back from BM's the week before last running a 102 degree fever. Thankfully this week nobody is showing any signs of being sick.

Unhappy's picture

BM is obviously not a bright person seeing as how she put her daughter in that situation and then followed behind the vehicle and then didn't even care that SD was crying when she got out of the back of the truck. My hopes were that the police would step in and tell her that it's illegal and not to do it. She won't listen to DH telling her to stop "via email". If emailing worked I probably would have been fine using it as a resolution to the issue. The problem is that it doesn't. So what do you do? Nothing and just pray the next time it happens that it's only SD's face being bashed on a wheelchair again?

Unhappy's picture

It's just insane. I don't get it. BM willfully puts DH's BD in a dangerous situation and yet he gets pissed at me because he refused to act and I did without his consent. That doesn't even make since but it pretty much sums up our marriage. I am always and will always be wrong and skids, ML, FL, BL, and BM will always be right. Heaven forbid he upsets BM by reporting her for this. That just doesn't work for him and we wouldn't want to have to deal with the wrath of BM because she was told not to do something illegal that could have killed a child or put them in the hospital by the police.

Unhappy's picture I did it because this is not the first time that the kids have been put in dangerous situations and DH talking with BM in the past has never worked because she either does what she wants any ways or just turns around and does something else stupid with the kids.

If you're BD's father had pretty much laughed at your concerns and continued to do it or maybe started upping the anti and say tied the kid to the roof of the car while bringing her home after multiple times of you "talking to him" would you still think that talking to them would be the best approach or would you maybe be a little more proactive?

Hey, maybe we should just let BM keep doing the dumb things that she is doing and when she kills one of the kids then we can state that we talked to BM multiple times and even had documented emails of the conversations. That's a great approach. How about this? Why not do something, or at least try and do something before anything happens. You obviously read my blog. This is not the first time and it won't be the last.

Teas83's picture

I'm sure the OP knows that trying to talk to BM would not work. There is obviously a history there and she knows BM wouldn't respond diplomatically. She is not acting maliciously just because it's BM and not someone else.

OP, I don't think you crossed the line at all (although I would've called CPS instead of the police). The kids' safety and well-being is was motivated you to step in. Good for you.

DoubleUteeEFF's picture

BM is not like a sister, or a daughter. If my SD's BM did something like this, I will surely report her because as time tells, talking to her about anything does not work or help. I know that if I were in a situation like this, BM couldnt give two shits about an email sent from DH about it. I wouldn't even bother with an email at that point. With some BM's, email doesn't always work. And as OP stated in her post, this isn't the first..second...or even the third time BM has put her own children in danger and neglected them.

YOU DID NOT OVER-REACT. Matter of fact, you under-reacted. Get those pictures to CPS asap. I don't care if you're not the parent...that is a really stupid way of thinking and I'm not surprised BM twat loving HRNYC made that ridiculous comment.

If I saw a random child on the street being abused...hell...if I were driving behind the truck your SD was in, I would surely report it.

Unhappy's picture

Where is my intent to do BM harm? I can do that by calling the police and reporting her for the multiple felonies that I have proof of. I don't though. What I was hoping for, and I have already stated this, is that the police would talk to her about this because she is not going to listen to anyone else. Maybe SD won't ride in the back of the pickup truck the next time it's offered (and who's to say that she will have a choice in the matter) but who's to say that SS won't get the same offer and be put in the same position only this time he may not be as lucky as SD and doesn't just come out of it with a bruised face. Malicious of me you say? I don't think so. What else are you supposed to do when talking doesn't work and kids have almost lost their lives before because of neglect and gross negligence? Please provide me with a better option because after five years of this I'm at a loss here.

KidsAreAMigraine's picture

Good job contacting the authorities. You obviously really care and are a good person. You did the right thing. I'm sorry to hear the police didn't do much. Make sure you get a copy of the police report though. That is good to have. I would also contact CPS directly and furnish them with the police report number. This should get you somewhere hopefully.

Unhappy's picture

They didn't even take pictures of the bruises and I'm pretty my sure that when they told DH that they can report it if he wanted to he told them not to.

Unhappy's picture

I get the bike thing. The only reason I brought it up is because both kids came home injured. It wasn't more than a month ago when BM's SD (7) ended up with a broken nose while in her care (I obviously can't do anything about that). My point is that when this is an ongoing issue what are you supposed to do? Nothing? Send an email. CPS is all great and good and looking back I probably should have taken that approach but I didn't. I saw the bruises and heard SD tell me what happened and I got upset and I reacted. There is no reason that she should have been put in that situation and because DH likes her Grandfather and doesn't want to start waves with BM he chose to do nothing. This is how he operates. When BM hid down at the school and tried to talk my BD (9) (she was five at the time) into coming over to her house after she was told to stay away from her he didn't want to do anything about it. When she was driving by our home in the AM while we slept, showing up unannounced and uninvited at our home while we were at work, and when she would do random drive bys of our home during the day he didn't want to do anything about it. When he caught her in our home uninvited he didn't want to do anything and when he caught her sitting out side of the house at 2 AM parked out front he didn't want to do anything. When she threatened to kill him with her car he didn't want to do anything. This is just how he operates. The only time he reacts is towards me and when things get so out of control that he actually has to do something about it.

Indigo's picture

You did the right thing by calling it in. I'm sorry that your police officers were less than stellar. Just 'cuz they wear a uniform doesn't mean that they are current on the law, especially child endangerment, etc ... Since it has been reported, I'd go ahead and contact CPS WITH THE PHOTOS. Now, while it is fresh in everyone's memory.

In my state it is illegal to let your DOG ride in the back of your pickup. Fact. Humans? Absolutely not. Children? Whoa, seriously stupid. Sit back and watch the fireworks.