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This wknd’s SD drama

TrueNorth77's picture

In what I've decided is one of the best decisions I've made in years, I went away this wknd with a group of friends. DH didn't come since he has a very long drive/work trip Mon morning and where we went this wknd was 3-1/2hrs away. It was too much driving for him.

Anyway, Fri night, DH gets a call from SD's therapist. When he answered, SD, the therapist, and Crazy were all on the phone. Crazy was still on her extended vacation, and SD was at the couple she babysits for house, alone- they had gone out of town for the night and SD was staying there watching their dog. She was supposed to babysit their baby the next day. She had a zoom counseling appt Fri afternoon and according to the therapist made some "concerning" statements. DH said these are the least worrying statements yet. When asked if she was feeling bad she said "aren't I always"? And then some nonsense about wanting to move to Alaska. The therapist told DH that SD either needed to come to his house for the night, or be committed somewhere. So he went and picked her up, but he told the therapist this is complete BS- if she hadn't enabled SD to stay by Crazy, she would be at our house now. He said he was pretty sure SD wasn't expecting it to go this way, as she did not want to be at our house. She just wanted to make attention-seeking statements with zero negative repercussions. like usual. SD text the couple she was staying with to let them know what happened and said she would come back Sat morning to get her things. They told her no, to go get her things that night. So there goes her babysitting job- they are probably thinking, what on earth is wrong with this girl and her family..??

SD stayed in her room all night, barely said anything to DH, then got up and left at 10:30am when Crazy got back from her trip and picked her up. 
I am sooo glad I missed this. I have little patience for SD's antics right now and would have been extremely irritated to have a peaceful Fri night interrupted by this nonsense. It is always something with this girl. 

SS told us Crazy only texts to ask him to do things for SD, she doesn't ask about him or his life and he feels she doesn't care at all- it's all about SD. Next wknd is a college orientation at the college he chose, 5-1/2 hrs away. It's Crazy's wknd so we said it's fine if he wanted her to take him, but otherwise we would be happy to take him. He said Crazy had zero interest in going and he would prefer us to take him anyway- so we are. She has had nothing to do with his college selection at all. The only thing she's capable of is taking them out to eat and shopping. To SD, that's what makes a parent a good parent!


JRI's picture

These drama queens are so exhausting.  I understand they really desire attention but this stuff gets the opposite, people turning away.

TrueNorth77's picture

She really liked the people she babysits for and now she ruined that. She has alienated all but 1 of her friends. SS doesn't want to have anything to do with her, even though we encourage him to try to stay a positive influence for her. She doesn't want us and told DH not to have his family contact her. All she has left is Crazy, her other half brother, and Crazy's bf. There is no one left to give her this attention she wants. 

Rags's picture

Gotta love it when the karma bus runs them over, backs up, and does it repeatedly.  IMHO the guidance to SS has to be to protect himself from them and their bullshit.  He is a young man who should be focusing on himself and his future.  Sadly his BM and sister are write offs.

He needs to write them off.

My SS had some of this drama in his SpermClan life.  Guilt from his SpermGrandHag who guilted him incessently and tried to manipulate him into helping support his three younger also out of wedlock Spermidiot spawned half sibs by two other baby mamas.  We defended him from all of that. 

He is thriving in his life.  The whole SpermClan is continuing their multigenerational crash and burn.  His three sibs include spawn #2 who is on the dole, #3 who is serving a long prison sentence, and #4 who is not far behind the inmate.

AllIwantisapeacefullife's picture

I've read your past posts and there are big similarities with my situation! I am so, so sorry you are going through this - big hugs. 

Not sure how things work in USA but here, you don't get "committed" unless there is a very serious threat to your safety or the safety of others - usually patients are either sectioned under the mental health act or voluntarily come in for  for a MH assessment but this is in EXTREME cases. What seems to be going on here is a very manipulative and spoiled little brat who knows all the right things to say and do to get everyone's attention. Clearly the therapy isn't working as what should be happening is someone teaching this girl how to regulate her emotions and take accountability for her own actions and her own wellbeing. 

This is failed parenting at it's finest and I completely understand the frustration with an alienating BM - you're never going to win with these women. They believe that they have a God given right to ruin and destroy all who stand in the way of them and their "princesses/princes"

I have learned to extract myself from the whole mess and whilst I love and support my partner, I will not tolerate any BS from his side of the family and refuse to allow them to dictate and control my happiness. You are making great steps to do the same by the sounds of things (-: 

TrueNorth77's picture

Yes, this is exactly how it is here also. SD must pose a serious threat to herself and typically she must not be backing down from the threat to herself, or have done something very extreme. I even called the hospital ER to speak to them in case we find ourselves in a situation, to understand how it works. And while it all depends on the people involved (police and hospital staff) at the time, plus SD's specific a nutshell, unless it is very alarming threats/behavior, they aren't keeping her. We discovered this the last time we took her to the hospital after she kept saying she was going to hurt herself at home. DH drove her an hour each way to the hospital on his birthday (I was throwing him a party, which he missed), sat there for 4hrs, only for her to tell the intake counselor she wasn't going to hurt herself. Back home she went! I was livid. 

I agree that therapy isn't working at all- in fact, it seems to be making things worse. Everyone is tiptoeing around her, doing what she wants, while every single adult involved believes she's just attention-seeking. Not one person is telling her, enough- it's time to stop and act right, this isn't acceptable behavior. I have a friend who has a 14yr old who did this same thing- she called him out and he admitted he was trying to get attention. She told him to knock it off, enough is enough, and he actually did stop. I'm not saying every situation works the same, but this is ridiculous. 

I'm sorry you are dealing with something similar. It is the worst. Good for you for setting boundaries. It's hard not to let it affect you! I am trying my best to step back from it. Appreciate the support :) 

Rags's picture

Find a psycho terrorist/therapist who will keep a theraputic foot up her butt rather than facilitating her manipulative crap. Get the web cams and audio recorders up so she can't back out later.  Make sure the intake desk and everyone else sees and hears her self harm blather and threats.  My guess is she is full of shit and this is all pure manipulation. 

However, I would make her life a living hell and do everythign possible to prevent her from taking her own life until she reaches the age of majority. Even then, not in my house. 

Lock up every med and chemical in  your home, screw shut all of the windows, take down all of the closet rods replacing them with spring loaded shower rods, lock up all belts and shoes with shoe laces, take down all of the ceiling fans, confiscate her shoe laces when she arrives, etc.  Get a hand held metal detector wand and scan her when she arrives, when she leaves and periodically through the day and night when she is in your home.  Do the same with a thermal imaging camera. That will show that she has somethign stashed on her body in her her clothing so you can take further action.  They are available for purchase on line as attachments to smart phones for a couple hundred $.

If she goes through with it, make the odds far more likely that she will do it at BM's rather than at your home.  All while engaging the authorities and every mental health option at your disposal.  Getting the kid help is key. But protectiong you, your own mental health, DH and his mental health, and your home from her taking her own life when she is with you has to be a huge priority IMHO.

When someone tells you that they are going to kill themselves, thinking about it, feeling like it, believe them. Then hog tie them (figuratively of course), get them the full meal deal of all help, assessments, and interventions available.

When she blathers later that you did not care and did not help her, show her the spreadsheet and receipts for what you did do and what you spent to keep her from killing her self on your watch.  Every appointment, ever ER visit, every camera, lock, etc... that you bought and used to keep her safe from herself.  Keep a journall and record every LEO visit that you engaged calling 911 on her behalf, etc..

Question. Does the leave an infant at a fire station rule apply to toxic preteen and teen spawn?

If not, too bad.

With the recent conviction for manslaughter of the parents of a minor school shooter, I would not put it past prosecutors going after parents/sparents for the same charges in the case of a teen committing suicide.

I am in the "not on my watch kid" camp.

CastleJJ's picture

I am a social worker by trade. I want to first start off by saying that her therapist is failing her miserably. After all this time, if she cannot see the attention seeking behaviors for what they are, instead of actual suicidal ideation, she is an idiot. And you do not rope BM and DH into a zoom call all at once. That creates conflict, which is what SD craves more than anything. I hope eventually, the natural consequences of SD's actions make her snap out of this, but with BM enabling it, she may not. 

I am glad you weren't present for that shit show. I feel terrible for your SS. It has to be so hard to be invisible compared to SD; to exist solely to serve her and BM. He will likely favor you and DH in adulthood and cut BM and SD off at this rate. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

"That creates conflict, which is what SD craves more than anything."

I wonder if this SD has been diagnosed with BPD. 

CastleJJ's picture

You typically cannot diagnose anyone under 18 with personality disorders, as they have not fully developed and matured yet. It doesn't mean she doesn't have one, but they won't diagnose that young. 

Personally, I think this is full blown manipulation and SD is trying to see how far she can test limits and push people to get what she wants. If SD actually was suicidal, her suicidal ideation would demonstrate plans that are likely to be successful - i.e. not jumping off the roof of a house. I think SD gets whatever she wants at Crazy 's house and there are no rules or expectations, so whenever OP and DH or school or friends or anyone else places expectations on SD, she claims suicidal to try to manipulate those expectations; to make it seem like she can't handle them. 

She likes chaos. It keeps life interesting. Maybe one day she will be diagnosed with BPD or something similar. 

TrueNorth77's picture

I appreciate your POV! I have often wondered if SD has other things going on personality/mentally, but DH doesn't think so and he thinks trying to diagnose it is a waste of time. It's good to know she is too young to really do this anyway. 

I absolutely agree with your asessment in all aspects- Full-blown manipulation on SD's part to see how far she can push things, and that her therapist is totally failing her. Honestly, it seems she has almost gotten worse in therapy. Her therapist has said (to DH and Crazy only) that she thinks SD's suicidal talk is to get attention and to manipulate. But for some reason this week she gave it credit by calling in DH. And doing it by blindsiding him with SD and Crazy on the call! DH even said, previously he has tried to discredit SD's ideas/take them away as viable options and was crucified for it, now her therapist can just give this all credit and that's fine. What is the plan? Where is the goal post?? All this did was show that SD can say/do whatever she wants to DH and he has to come running if she makes any type of statement even vaguely related to wanting to be somewhere else. 

She loves chaos, and DRAMA. She loves to have a story and be part of the group whose father "didn't love her". It really is crazy how much Tik Tok has enabled her. She wouldn't dare yell at DH like she did or say the nasty things she did until she saw all of the people posting on Tik Tok about how their dads don't love them and how they scream at their dads. She reposted at least 10 videos like that and then acted a fool to him. 

Rags's picture

Maybe the congressional targeting of TikTok will get that app purged from our society.  

We can hope.

Though the withdrawals that so many toxic spawn will have if they shit can TikTok will be epic. 

It can't happen soon enough IMHO.

Harry's picture

Have a good time with SS on college weekend.  6 hr trip, eating out, doing something in the college town .  Just be prepared for SD Tto go nuts.  You and her brother are haven't a great time , like Disney world.  She is sitting home,,because no one wants to deal with her. She is going to pull something.  
'It seams like a phone call to the therapist, gets what she wants.  Every one [DH] to drop everything and play with her.  This will not happen this weekend. Even if she get herself in the hospital..  You can not let SD control your life 

TrueNorth77's picture

This is exactly the precedent I'm afraid was set this wknd. All she has to do is make a vague statement and DH has to come running. 

Rags's picture

Nope, no one should come running. They should call 911 to get LEOs there ASAP to address the manipulations with hand cuffs and a 24+ hour pshych hold while everyone else enjoys SS's exciting campus visit.

Time to call her bluff with escalating official consequences and envolvement.\

Not a particularly empathetic or solid psych care perspective I know. But... it has to happen IMHO.

Play stupid and crazy games, win stupid prizes appropriate to the fake issues you are leveraging.

Hopefully fake anyway.  Heaven forbid she actually hurts herself or worse.

Not on my time kid. Do that shit after you are 18.  It wills till break my heart. But it will not be on me.

If I were her parents/sparents/brother.

AgedOut's picture

Perhaps you should remind DH that this upcoming weekend is about SS, if he (DH) thinks he will need to go running off to help poor little SD, it's best he stay home to keep her little world happy. Then you and SS go. Make it fun, chat up the other parents at the event while he gets to do the activities and meet what may be his fellow students. He can call Daddy and fill him in after the events. 

Unless DH makes it clear to SD that while he does love her, he will be out of range to come running should she have another dramatic episode. 


CastleJJ's picture

Had BM not been out of town and SD not been at a babysitting gig for the weekend, I would have fully supported DH telling the therapist to commit her somewhere. I understand, given the circumstances, why he didn't. In the future, DH cannot go get her whenever she makes a threat. He cannot give her rides. He cannot cave to SD's demands. DH needs to say, "if SD is really at risk, then she needs to be committed." Once DH doesn't come to her rescue, she may need to re-evaluate. DH cannot do anything for SD anymore. SD has made this situation and she needs to put in the work to fix her relationship with DH. Continuing to cave is only going to continue to enable and embolden SD. 

TrueNorth77's picture

I do completely agree with this. What is unfortunate, is this talk of committing SD isn't even feasible. She has to be a very real threat to herself before they will take her and put her on a hold. These vague "wanting to go to Alaska" statements certainly aren't it, and when she gets to the hospital she would walk everything back and say she's fine. It's infuriating and VERY difficult to get someone to be held. I even talked to the hospital about it just so we aren't wasting time and know when a viable time would be to actually bring her in. She would really have to be in a scary, real place of hurting herself. That being said, him running to get her isn't the answer either. Everyone is tiptoeing around her and no one is talking to her straight. Someone needs to tell her that it's not ok to manipulate people and make statements to get attention, but so far we are 2 years in and that hasn't happened yet.  

advice.only2's picture

Hold up SD14 who threatens to kill herself all the time was left alone overnight by people she was going to babysit their BABY the next day!  I would let those people know just how coo-coo for coco puffs SD14 is and that she threatens suicide on a regular basis…what people in their right mind would ever leave her alone with a baby!  Let alone, alone in their house.   

TrueNorth77's picture

I was a bit floored when I heard they left her there alone also, but I don't blame them- they had plans and she invited herself into their home. In their shoes, however, I would completely agree that they should not want her watching their baby. From my shoes, however, I know that SD is actually a really good babysitter, and all of her talk is for attention and not real, so I actually am personally not concerned about her watching their baby. But, this is certainly a good consequence- you say things like this, people will no longer trust you. You have now lost a babysitting job for a family you really liked (she's babysat for them for 2yrs). What is really nuts about this is that Crazy would NEVER leave SD alone- now, because she extended her vacation while SD is refusing to come by us, SD was left alone anyway, and this happened. It is a bit suspicious that one night alone, which must have been eating Crazy alive, and DH ends up having to pick SD up for the night and she's not alone after all... 

Rags's picture

But, this is certainly a good consequence

Time to end life as she knows it.  A good baby sitter is not one who is that manipulative or potentially suicidal. If I were the family, that batshit crazy manipulative spawn would not even set foot on my lawn much less in my home and for F sake she would never be alone with my infant.

Stop mitigating for this kid and start keeping every available foot up her idiot ass. This is not insignificant innocent crap. This is top tier stuff that needs top tier support and top tier consequences applied without any attempt to minimize those consequeces whether she is lying her ass off or not.

In my mental health care laymans opinion of course.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

I agree. Who in their right mind would allow this girl alone in their house all night, then alone with their baby during the day? BM also needs to be raked over the coals for allowing this. She created this little monster, she doesn't get to just skip town and leave her alone overnight. SD may be manipulating and not, in fact, suicidal, but either she is suicidal or she is twisted enough to fake it for drama and involve her therapist, her dad (who she supposedly doesn't feel safe around), and this couple. Not babysitter material and not someone who can be left unsupervised. Have fun, BM, being SD's babysitter for life. 

notarelative's picture

I'm a little concerned about the people she babysit for. Going away overnight and leaving a teen, not your child, alone  in your home is not rational to me. They could have come home to a trashed house from a teen party. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

They have an unrelated 14-year-old girl alone all night at their house threatening suicide. Wtf. 

Rags's picture

When teens were well raised by intelligent parents, this was not unusual.  On many occassions I house sat or watched kids with multiple overnights while the homeowners or parents were doing their thing. I was a kid. I did some stupid stuff and I was not perfect while house/kid sitting.  But I did not jeopardize the wellbing of the kids or endanger the house. 

TrueNorth77's picture

I do get this, but they had this overnight trip planned and I think were stuck between allowing SD to stay and kicking her out. She put them in a very tough situation, which is utterly embarrassing. She isn't a partier and has very few friends (like none), which I think they they probably thought, low risk...what they probably didn't realize is how attention seeking SD is, and I'm sure they had no idea about her suicidal ideation. I'm sure they are full of regrets. Lol