I second that motion!!!

The dirty little secret is the more that you cater to children, the more they are dissatisfied and unhappy.

My DH is very old school in his parenting. Thankfully, he's dealt with SD with a lot of issues early...Now at 7, she catches herself, and DH doesn't have to straighten her out as much as he used to...

She used to butt into adult conversations all the time and offer her opinion, or interrupt conversations between adults. DH would flat out embarrass her JUST like we were growing up...My mom and grandma would tell us to "shut up and get out of grown folks business" in a HOT minute...and DH does the same...

SD doesn't get that type of discipline at home as her mom and her are more girl friends than mother/daughter...Her mother confides in her about adult issues and in adult conversations, so she doesn't know what it means to be a child...

That is my pet peeve. I have actually gotten dirty looks from other parents when I tell my dd that she needs to stop interrupting, etc. It's like I am committing a crime. Although I do disagree that a kid should not be bored when they have tv, internet and video games. I HATE that ss entertains himself strictly with electronics. He needs to interact with people and get his fat ass outside and do something physical once in a while. Why do you think we have an obesity issue in this country and a bunch of kids with no social skills? Because parents use that stuff as babysitters. You do need to teach your kids how to act around humans if you want them to act like humans, right?

AMEN!!!!!

Ditto everything you said.

Seriously, if I have to tell my kids "I wasn't talking to YOU, this is an ADULT conversation" one more time... I am going to say it with a swift kick in the ass. I have never allowed them to take part in adult conversations. But because their "other parents" do, they think they are allowed to. One of my BIGGEST irratants.

i hate when you aren't talking to a skid, but another adult and they say "what?"

If I was talking to you, you would have heard it.

Ugh - all the "What's" that come out of FSS's mouth during conversations that do not involve him drive me nuts. Especially in the car, where he cannot hear from the backseat. If we wanted you to hear in the backseat, we would speak up enough for you to hear! SHUT IT!

I'm not even so sure it's the lack of "old fashioned" parenting. I'm 44 and was raised in the 70's and I think that's when things started to go all "touchy-feely". You know, Sesame Street and Marlo Thomas' "Free to Be You and Me" and the invention of Self-Esteem. Still, a lot of us grew up decent. Maybe it's some of us parenting now, and that's why we're seeing what we're seeing.

I'm not a disciplinarian. I know I'm too soft. But my kids are still respectful and decent and mostly well-behaved. You can still teach without punishment. I think it's not so much this lack of "old fashioned" discipline as the ridiculous swing in the opposite direction. It's beyond lack of discipline and into the territory of overtly and purposely giving these kids power and entitlement.

Someone here just made a statement I've heard a lot: the opposite of love is not hate; the opposite of love is indifference (or lack of love). That same logic holds true with discipline. The opposite of discipline is indifference. What we're seeing with these kids is not indifference on the parents' part. Rather than being indifferent they are GOING OUT OF THEIR WAY to coddle and entitle their kids.

My SO will not hesitate to swat SD on the behind if need be. Sounds like old fashioned discipline. Curbs the behavior at that particular moment. In the meantime, he has created in her this monster that feels that she should get what she wants and treat people, adults or otherwise, any way she wants...all because he feels he has to "make someting up to her".

There are any number of reasons why various parents create this in their kids...guilt, overcompensation, over-achieving, pride, you name it. Some, like my SO, even do discipline for some of the obvious misbehavior. They might have old-fashioned values, in that respect. But there's this other dimension of entitlement and coddling where they think their kids DESERVE this status or are so SPECIAL that the normal rules of society don't apply to them even. Grosses me out, can you tell?

In the case at my house, I wonder all the time, if FDH and his EX had stayed together, would he still be the type of parent that he is today?

So much of what I see him do (or not do when it comes to discipline) for his kids comes from guilt. He wants them to like it here. He wants them to like him. He wants them to like him more them their BM. He wants to make up for what he sees as "misery" at their BM's house. Due to all of that, he wants to make it like Disneyland here. No rules, no responsibility, no discipline.

I have tried to express to him over and over: if you really and truly want your kids to feel like this is their home as it always was, then don't treat it like a place they are visiting for a vacation fun time. They need to have structure and responsibility like any other kid in any other home.

But then again, I do wonder if FDH isn't just like all other parents today. Because parents in Non-Split homes treat their kids the same way as FDH... they are creating the same sense of entitlement in their children. Maybe it is just today's generation. If that is true, it is just plain sad.

I think that if I had my own children, there is no way I would raise them the way kids today are. I just don't think there is any appreciation or sense of becoming a responsible adult. I think it is scary to say the least.

My skids constantly interrupt conversations I am having with FH and/or ask "what? I didn't hear what you said!" when we are NOT talking to them. Tha is bad enough. But what REALLY chaps my ass is that FH will stop our conversation - often in the middle of a sentence - to turn to whichever one of the Holy Trinity is speaking and either address their innane issue that just HAD to be brought to his attention RIGHT THEN or actually relate verbatim to them the entire conversation we had been having. Doesn't matter if it is about finances, work issues or what to do that weekend. The widdle darlings MUST be included!!!! It might hurt their little fee-fees if they are not immediately brought into the adult conversation and made an integral part of adult decisions.

I have told him more times than I can count how inappropriate this is but he refuses to stop giving them adult status. Well, then they are adults aren't they? I often fantasize about beating him to the punch and telling them that we were talking about the FABULOUS time we had in bed last night and how their father tried this new thing that just drove me into a frenzy of orgasmic delight!!!! And then how I ran my tounge up his.....you get the point. }:) Pretty sure that, while it would get the point across, it would set FH off into a freakout of enormous proportion. Damn but it would be a hoot!!!!!

I'll never forget once, perfectson22 had a rare bratty moment at around age 9, he said to me "you just don't want me to be happy!" I thought for a minute, then this was my reply- "Perfectson, your happiness is not my job. My job is to turn out a decent, productive, christian person out onto society. If you're happy, great, if you're not, too bad so sad." His face was like this :jawdrop: but he got the message. Psuedo step CTBB was pretty good occupying himself, but he was very much made a part of the "adult" crowd in the family. I could never stand that.