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Ideas as to why SD is doing this?

Tnb92's picture

So I explained our whole situation in a previous blog. My SD is 6 and now living with us after not seeing us for awhile. Recently she’s picked up the habit of hiding things which I find very odd.

She took my phone the other day and hid it under her bed she has a tablet and other electronics so no reason she really needed to take mine. Then she hid the tooth paste. Today it was my hair spray she hid it in the shower. 

Im so confused on why she keeps hiding things it’s really weird. When i ask she either lies about it or says I don’t know why I did it. Advice on what you think could be going on?


Ispofacto's picture

Killjoy14 has a compulsive need to steal from me, in particular.  I believe it is a manifestation of her hostility towards me.

In your case, she could also be seeking attention.

Areyou's picture

Because the only way she got attention was to do something bad. Not your fault. She’s just trying to get some type of attention, any. You being the closest in proximity. She knows her mother abondoned her and you’re the next best thing. She’s engaging you in the way she knows best. I would ignore the bad behavior and only reward the good behaviors. She’s young enough for you to mold her especially since her mother has abondoned her basically. 

Tnb92's picture

Yeah so far it has only been my stuff I mean me and her dad share the tooth paste but I used it last before she hid it. I really don’t want to think it has anything to do with me but I’m pretty sure it does.

Her dad Disney parents her because he missed time with her he’s afraid to upset her so I have to play the evil one who tells her no and makes her do things she doesn’t want to like clean up etc. I have to then be the bad guy again who told her it’s not ok to take things without asking and that its definitely not ok to then lie about it.

Her Dad thought it was funny though and doesn’t see a problem.

StepUltimate's picture

She hasn't posted since 2015 but I read all her blogs (2010-2015) last weekend & totally recommend you read them. Amazing!

I wish Last Wife would post an update. Don't think she's here under another name but really, really admire this woman and was SO encouraged by her story here on Stalk.

marblefawn's picture

Start hiding his stuff -- like his car keys -- and see how funny it is.

Here's the thing. He missed time with her that he can't get back. It's over. But if this dynamic continues, she will be a holy terror (trust me, my husband also lost time with SD that he can't get back and I am still paying for that).

Years ago, SD heard my voice on my husband's answering machine. She flipped out, screamed she was betrayed, and didn't speak to him for more than a year. (Drama is her forte.) Flash forward nearly 20 years. Now my husband will not say a peep to her about ANYTHING no matter how awful she behaves. That year she wouldn't engage with him totally manipulated him for life. For the rest of her life, apparently, she can do anything, say anything and he won't intervene because of something she pulled when she was 14.

My SD has caused the sole conflict in my marriage for almost 20 years now. His fear of "losing her" may be the demise of this marriage. Doesn't matter to him. Not only won't he say anything to her, he literally can't. He just can't.

So while your husband thinks this is cute and funny, you must remember what this will look like when she's 20...30 years old.

He can't get back the time he lost. Still, the kid is 6. Now is the time to train her. She's feeling you both out to see what she can get away with. How things are handled now is how they will be handled in 20 years. You don't want that precedent to be your husband laughing as she pulls crap like this. Trust me, it's not cute when she's 31 years old and still pulling it.

thinkthrice's picture

we have a RED FLAG:

Her Dad thought it was funny though and doesn’t see a problem.

I'm with Evil3.  Don't care about the "why" and at 6 you know right from wrong.  Wouldn't be ooodddddd if DH's stuff started disappearing now and wound up in SD's possession?  What a FUN little game!!!


Tnb92's picture

I honestly think you guys could be right and it might be an attention thing. She talks a lot from the moment she wakes up to the moment she goes to bed and it’s mostly to herself I think maybe she was lonely at her moms house and she picked it up.

Her dad works all day and then comes home and plays his video games so I’m the one with her. Which is another problem all on its own.

While he’s playing games she’s sitting by me on the couch and follows me around or she’s playing with my daughter who is the same age. She does give me dirty looks and stuff a lot and I was starting to think she probably didn’t like me.

I didn’t consider maybe this is for attention because she doesn’t know how else to get it. Oh yeah if it were his things it would be a much bigger deal and not so funny anymore.  

Dovina's picture

It will be a real knee slapper for your DH when she is 16 and takes off with his car. These disney dads just dont get if behavior issues arent addressed while young they can turn into big time offenses when they are older.

Good luck!

jojo68's picture

I think it was even before she had a license...she took off with her fathers vehicle in the middle of the night and stayed out all night in it. Went to a neighboring town and spent the night at a friend. DH woke up wondering where his pick up was.

thinkthrice's picture

Jojo...has anything improved with your Disney Dad situation?

jojo68's picture

She is a grown ass woman now and is more of a pain in the ass than when she was a little kid. I'm at a point where I think no matter how old she is she will never grow TF up. DH will never hold her accountable for her actions so things will never change. I blogged yesterday about the new crap she has pulled if you haven't already read it. No matter what she does she is looked at like the poor little innocent girl who is acting out because she misses her grandma when the truth is she likes to do what she does and will right back to doing it when everyone caves and feels sorry for poor little thing who has had a rough couple years.

thinkthrice's picture

COD Perma Victim!!!

ndc's picture

It's no surprise that she's seeking attention if her father is working all day and then playing video games rather than spending some quality time with his daughter.  Perhaps you should start with him and explain that it's NOT funny that she takes your stuff, that he needs to parent consistently or she'll turn out to be a horrid brat, and that he needs to spend time with her because that's what she needs and what dads are supposed to do.  If he doesn't have time to spend with his daughter, he doesn't have time for video games.  

I would treat this as a dad problem initially and see if her taking and hiding behavior doesn't  improve once he behaves like a decent parent.    

Siemprematahari's picture

Maybe you should make his games disappear to see if he finds that "funny" and make him spend quality time with HIS daughter. Don't enable this behavior because its not funny nor is it cute. Oen day she's going to take something she has no business taking an than what......nip this now.

Tnb92's picture

Oh yeah she definitely could be mad about something which one I’m not sure. I’m the one who has to tell her no all the time. The one who gives her the yucky food she doesn’t like(fruits and veggies) can’t get her to eat them though still and the one who  won’t let her eat junk food all day like she’s used to.

I’m the one when she does something bad I put her in time out or take away her tablet. One time I took away her tablet because she was being bad and not listening to me and wouldn’t pick up her toys.

She got so upset started crying and told me when my mommy picks me up I’m never gonna come back here ever again! But her moms not coming to pick her back up anytime soon.

thinkthrice's picture

Your DH who is a crappy parent BTW, wants you to do the heavy lifting of parenting whilst he can be a "good time charlie" and disney dad.  Nope,  start to disengage little by little.   Keep plopping her down in front of juvenile daddykin's video games. 

fairyo's picture

Sounds to me like you are the only adult giving her any attention. I would be very angry with DH for ignoring his child in this way and forcing you to be the one to deal with her. I'm really sorry you are married to such a uselss individual. 

When she takes something of yours why not offer a swap? Offer her someting from her dad instead, or ask for something of hers in return. This worked with my grandson- who went through a similar phase. Just say if you take you have to give and see what happens...