Head hung in shame
We found out SD15 is indeed pregnant. My head is hung in shame for believing her lies and excuses. I am pissed and have bet since we found out. I'm pissed that BM is in prison so we have to deal with this. SD thinks that a baby is like a living doll. Something to look at and play with. I'm just pissed and for the longest I was to ashamed to blog and admmit that I was the fool for believing her.
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Do you really want to raise
Do you really want to raise this child? I sure wouldn't. You can be supportive of her without taking on this burden.
Tell her that if she cannot provide for the child - and you know she can't - that you are NOT the backup plan. The child is innocent. And to be honest any child deserves better than a 15 year old mother who was too stupid to even use precautions. She can give up the child for adoption and let the child have parents who are there for him/her.
There is no reason for you to be ashamed for HER actions. Yes you have to deal with the pregnancy - BUT YOU DO NOT HAVE TO RAISE THIS CHILD.
^^^^^exactly!!!
^^^^^exactly!!!
Amen.
Amen.
There is no reason for you to
There is no reason for you to be ashamed for HER actions. Yes you have to deal with the pregnancy - BUT YOU DO NOT HAVE TO RAISE THIS CHILD.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
^^^THIS. Contact some adoption agencies NOW and let them know the circumstances. Make SD give the baby to a loving family
Agreed. There is no reason
Agreed. There is no reason for YOU to feel ashamed. She's the one that should feel bad since she obviously has no way to raise a child at 15.
Make it VERY CLEAR to her what her options are, and what her options are NOT. Also, get her a clue BEFORE the baby gets here. Don't let her focus on the cute cuddly aspects of parenthood. Get her some info from daycare providers in reference to daycare rates for newborns. Diapers. Formula if she can't breastfeed (which she probably can't while going to school). I'd make it deadly clear to her how impossible it will be for her to do alone, and that you are NOT helping her, unless that's what you really want to do.
The name of the game is
The name of the game is consequences.
Not all young/child parents are crap, however there appears to be a huge trend where children are having children and you know what? It makes me sick, because once the shiny new sheen has worn off once baby is here and reality sets in, you know who is going to be left holding the baby (literally) don't you? YOU and DH.
The fact sd is DH's child and this new baby is DH's grandchild will ofcourse make it really really difficult to allow sd to face up to the consequences of her shitty decisions, but imo you should make it absolutely clear to her and to DH (if he is not on the same page as you).
Personally I would NOT be happy with having a new born in the house, not fair on the baby considering his/her mother's immature attitude towards parenthood (a new doll indeed - the hallmark of a great parent - snort)and it does not bode well. Once sd realises what her life will be like, she will soon be kicking off and shoving the hard slog on you and DH. Do you want that?
Perhaps I am being harsh, as I realise its not quite this simple, however life is not going to be easy for any of you and all because sd wants a new toy to play with - a live human being with feelings. It's not right and she is not ready for this responsibility imo.
In your shoes I would be telling sd she has to find the means to fund having a child and even housing him/her - as you will not be. What reality are these kids living in if they think life is one free, happy ride where they do not have to consider anyone except what THEY want?
Delilah I agree with you.
Delilah I agree with you. There has been a lot of tension in my house. I told DH I'm not taking care of her child. I agree that I need to have a slap of reality talk with SD and let her know I'm not taking care of her baby and neither is DH. DH doesn't want to hear the word adoption but I think it needs to be talked about because I would honestly rather leave than raise her child.
I can totally see where your
I can totally see where your DH is coming from. I get the whole "it's his grandchild" thing.
But here's what I DON'T understand. He'd be more comfortable with his grandson or granddaughter being raised by a 15 year old who wasn't bright enough to prevent pregnancy at 15, who will be raising this baby on welfare while going to school during the day and flipping burgers at Wendy's with felons in the evenings, while Little Precious is being juggled from daycare to an evening babysitter? Ewwwww! That would not cut it for my grandchild, not at all.
I want my grandchildren raised in a family that has a minimum of two parents raising them, and preferably really excited enthusiastic grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. I want a stay at home parent for my grandbabies for as long as possible. Adoption would be my first choice if one of my teens got pregnant.
I get why everyone is saying
I get why everyone is saying adoption but if she wants the kid and she is talked into giving it up or forced to she just might go out and do it again. I don't know the answer here but this is just a thought.
I think chances are she would
I think chances are she would do it again anyway. Tough tough spot to be in for sure.
I say adoption then at least
I say adoption then at least for the child that she is pregnant with, for the sake of the child. Dad should make her get an IUD (which if she was living under my roof and wanted my money to buy things, then she would have to get one, so that she cant be popping out kids while she is living there.
My mother was 17 when she had me, and I 100 percent think that my life would have been better growing up had I had a parent that was responsible and loving. My mom kept me to snare my dad, which she did. They popped out another kid and ended up getting divorced (big surprise!). It is hard enough trying to make a marriage work when you are older and have a couple of kids, nevertheless being a teenager with no $$$.
I ended being watched by grandmother's most of the time.
Is this girl selfless enough to make sure that her child will put her child first. What about when the girl is 20 and all her friends are going out, and she is working he a$$ off to clothe and feed her kid. Does she realize that this means no new things for herself most of the time. That is the life she wants for herself???
Are the boy's parents aware
Are the boy's parents aware of the pregnancy? Any offers of help or suggestions from them?
The boys parents have offered
The boys parents have offered support and said they will make sure their son steps up to the plate. But there is not much a teenage boy can do to step up and be a dad.
You're going to end up
You're going to end up raising that baby. There's no way in HELL I'll ever raise another kid that's not mine. If SD9 gets pregnant while still living at home she can either give it up for adoption, have an abortion, or get the fuck out and go live with her POS mom or some other family. Raising another person's kid sucks ass and, like I said, I'll never do it again. Your SD is way immature and she'll be tired of motherhood in 2 seconds flat. She'll miss her social life and everything that she's "missing out on". You and DH need to have a serious chat about this.
SD is 16 and I am so afraid I
SD is 16 and I am so afraid I am going to be in this exact situation very soon as I just found out she is having sex with her bf. You have to make it clear to everyone that the baby is not your responsibility and you will not be raising it. I already told DH that and SD is not even pregnant yet. I feel for you!!
I was this girl. All the
I was this girl. All the wrong decisions and I got pregnant at 15. Being a mother changed something in me and although i am not perfect, I have done a pretty darn good job. Everyone praises my child and her behavior and she's a straight A student. It can be done but she has to take the responsibility herself. I will add that I was already living on my own when I did get pregnant so I had an advantage there. But its not totally hopeless if dad makes her step up. Good luck! Its a tough road for everyone involved.
Oh my, you were living on
Oh my, you were living on your own at 15? Did you have any help from anyone?
My middle daughter had a baby
My middle daughter had a baby way too young. She is doing an amazing job. GD3 is the love of my life. We couldn't imagine the world without her. Things happen. Life goes on. It will all work out.
How young? How is she
How young? How is she providing for the child?
I've seen SO many young people produce a child and not have a clue how to even feed it.
Very young. She was home for
Very young. She was home for the first year of GD's life.
She got her GED at 16, she and her BF both work. She is going to college at night, they have their own apartment, and each have their own vehicles. GD3 is a happy, smart, well adjusted pre-schooler.
I admit, I hover, but they really are independent, and have their act together.
I have a friend who got
I have a friend who got pregnant as a teenager. I think she was about 15. She and the baby daddy got married and have now been married for almost 50 years. She not only got her high school degree but went on to college and got her MBA at the top business school in the world.
So it can turn out okay - but it is not very likely especially if everyone smoothes out all the bumps in the road for them.
Is adoption an option? I was
Is adoption an option? I was given up for adoption by a 15 year old and I'm very gateful! I hav a relationship with them now, and I know they did the best thing for me. My life would have been very different if they had raised me.
my cousin's kid, we will call
my cousin's kid, we will call "boy" and his GF (we will call "girl") made a baby at age 15. Guess who is raising the baby....my cousin.
Boy and Girl have no interest in trying to be proper parents. It has been two years now.
I know there are good outcomes and bad outcomes. No doubt my cousin was pissed when she found out her son and his gf were expecting. Told them they should, abort, adopt out, etc....
Yes all is "well and good" as it could be. This little baby is loved, no doubt. But her grandparents (my cousin) are raising her. I don't even think she gets it yet that "Girl" is her momma.
One thing for sure..your DH isn't going to be the one "raising" his grandkid. That will fall on you.
It's obvious that my opinion
It's obvious that my opinion will not be popular, but I think that a 15 year old is capable of raising a child. Let's think about our grandparents and the ages that they were married and became mothers. My grandma was married at 15 and first baby at 16. With that said I also do understand that the times were different. I hope that whatever choice this young woman makes regarding her child it is supported with love and understanding. If she chooses to keep this baby hope that it changes her ( as I'm sure some of you moms know it does change you) maybe commend her for already not hitting the "easy button" and terminating the pregnancy. When I became pregnant (30 years of age) very few people in my SO's life were excited for me and it was incredibly painful to feel that amount of rejection. My pregnancy was a sad experience and I wouldn't wish that on anyone else. This is obviously a hard place to be in for you and I assure you it is for her too....she is young and probably terrified, even if she's not showing you that...maybe your family could sit down with bf's family and discuss an action plan....just a suggestion
Agreed. I have taught my
Agreed. I have taught my daughters that "we raise the children we make". It might be hard, it might involve a struggle, but we do it.