Should I try harder?
I have been with my DH for five years, married for one. He has two kids, SD7 and SS9, who have been growing up with me in their lives.
I am not a kid person, never have been. I never planned to have any children of my own, but was very happy to have these two little ones in my life regardless. My DH parents them in every way; I am not expected to unless I want to or need to. I had always been another adult who loves them and has fun with them. I was always one to plan things to do together, play games, do crafts, etc.
I don't want to anymore and it is causing problems. What role should I be required to play in my house when the kids are with us?
I ask because I have slowly stopped doing anything with them. The kids are great, but they only want to play video games while they are here. When I was still planning outings for us like going to the water park, it became all whining and complaining until we got back home to the TV or computer. I am not a gamer, so I retreat to my own space and do my own thing, typically read.
Because of this, I am now the bad guy and do not care about the kids. I have said very clearly to DH that I love his kids, and care about them very much. I retreat to my own space more often than not because it is where I am most comfortable. I am very much an introvert as well. He says that it doesn't matter because I am the adult and I need to be the one to continue to make more of an effort to engage them.
The four of us have dinner together every night that they are here, and that is the time when we all talk together without any screen time. It is an enjoyable time, but about all I can give some days.
This became a bigger problem this week because SD7 asked her dad why I don't like her. I was at work while they were at the house, so she didn't see me at all.
I asked DH what he said to her and he didn't say anything or ask any questions about why she may feel like that. I did get on her the other day for pouting because she wasn't getting her way. I'm not sure if that became an issue for her, and thought I didn't like her because of that.
I have explained to DH many times that I do with them what I can, and it seems to be never enough for him.
Is it enough and how can I help my DH to see that?
He also says that I knew he had kids and that I used to be very different with them. How can I get him to see that the "You knew he had kids" is crap as well?