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Mother's Day pain.

Thetis's picture

I think next year I'm just going to take my baby and go hang out with my mom all mother's day. It may be the only way for me to feel loved.

I was woken up early by Dh's alarm clock going off and him not turing it off. He hit snooze 2 times before my alarm clock went off once... good thing we didn't have a long day ahead of us. Sleep is hard to come by when you're 3/4 of the way done your pregnancy.

So my and Dh were volenteering with our Legion for a pancake breakfast. It started at 8 am and continued untill 1pm. It was a blast and we had alot of fun helping. Then BM and her family showed up. She held my four year old step daughter in her lap and hand fed her her breakfast. The whole time she was whining to her in this baby voice... "You're such a good girl... look at how much you eat!" :sick:

One of the ladies we work with is Bm's older sister's MIL. She can not get over how her two and a half year old grand child (SD's cousin) is doing sooo much better feeding herself and potty training. She made a few negative comments about bm. I tried to keep my mouth as shut as possible, but I had to join in a bit. Dh knew I was stressed.

So 1pm comes around and we go home. I really needed a nap but I was wondering what Dh had planned for mother's day. Turns out it was the same thing as Valentines Day, just no hand made card this time. I got a massage... nice... No card. No flowers. No chocolate. No candle. Nothing that he would have had to leave the house for. I feel bad because he was trying to be nice, but it was obvious that he put as much planning into my first mother's day (as a mother and not a sm) as he did into the trial where we lost our 50/50 access to Sd. (zero)

So I was alittle upset. To make matters worse my bestfriend (my mom lol) called me super excited because a BIG bunch of flowers showed up at her door unexpected. Dad is working out of town right now and he wanted to make sure she knew he was thinking of her.

So we're laying in bed (I really needded a nap), and I was trying to talk to Dh about how I felt. We had SDs dance recital to go to that night and I felt like an interloper. He asked "Why?" and before I was done my explanation he was snoring.

So I called my mom and got her to come visit. She was going to the dance recital too so she drove us there. We show up and get a program. Sd's name is wrong. Its put down as her first name and Bm's first name instead of her first and last name. No ties to DH for this event. Sd has always complained about hating dance and her mom making her go, and I thought she was just lieing a bit. Nope. We watch the show and she looks miserable. I mention this to Dh afterwards and he freaked.

"Why do you have to talk so loudly about the things that frustrate me about my family?"

"Well if you still consider Bm (who was just a hole to fill, not even a girlfriend when she got pregnant) your family then WTF am I?"

He didn't anwser.

The day continued... no Mother's day dinner. I got 7-11 chicken. I'm so sick of this lack of appreciation, it makes me sick. And he just thinks I'm a spoiled brat... still...

I wish we had more time with our counsellor.


PoisonApples's picture

Do you have a child or are you just pregnant?

If you are just pregnant, then I agree that you are bing a spoiled brat about mother's day.

FFS, he gave you a massage and you're whining because he didn't do more.

I'm afraid that if you don't change your attitude to something a little less selfish, you are going to have a load of heartache in your future.

Thetis's picture

"just pregnant" lol
Lady you don't really know me. I have been "mothering" his child for the last two years. Yea I know that doesn't seem like much to some of you but we have been through hell. I have bent over backwards to fill the role he thinks that I should fill. If he considers me a mom and says I'm a mom, then on Mother's Day I am a MOM. "just pregnant"
I'm not complaining that I got a massage. I'm complaining that I got the same thing he does EVERY time he forgets or doesn't bother to plan for a day. It's his fail safe. "She can't say I didn't do anything for her because I gave her a massage..." Its what I got for Vday, its what I got for my Bday and if I wasn't soo busy I probably would have got it on Christmas too. I'm pissed, and I believe it is rightfully so, because I have to go out and buy everything for everyone and plan everything but when it comes to a day about me, NOTHING happens. I have to hang out with the first person to become a mother in his life.

sadstepmom26's picture

I dont think you're a spoiled brat. I dont have kids myself and I know where u are coming from. I cant imagine enduring all that on Mothers Day. But be glad. Its over its done.

PoisonApples's picture

In rereading yeah, I see where I was harsh.

I guess it was all the whining about what you didn't get. I mean, those aren't important things and if you make them important you are bound to be disappointed.

I was actually with you on the rest of your post, the mother treating the 4 year old like a baby, etc.

I just don't believe that it's right to expect all kinds of special treatment on mother's day, valentine's day etc. I think if you keep on like you are he'll be one of those guys (like the dozens I've worked with) who groan when these holidays come up because they HAVE to get something for the wife or they'll pay the price. I'd rather get a genuinely heart felt massage any day than for him to feel he HAS to do something to keep me from being pissed off or out of guilt.

I don't think throwing tantrums because you weren't babied on certain days of the year is going to go far toward making him WANT to do special things for you next year.

To each his own though, it's not the kind of relationship I'd want.

Thetis's picture

Ohh I tried as hard as I could not to throw a tantrum. It just sucks because I see Bm and how she mothers SD, then Dh goes and tells EVERYONE I'm a good mom. Then mothers day comes, and even though I have to go through all the regular daily stuff I have to with his ex I don't even get a card or some sort of forethought. I don't care if it is a dollar card, just something to show me that he thought of me.

PoisonApples's picture

" I don't care if it is a dollar card, just something to show me that he thought of me."

Ok, but you said

"then Dh goes and tells EVERYONE I'm a good mom"

so THERE you go! Him telling everyone that is sooooo much more important than a stupid card, isn't it?

It's REAL. A card is just superficial shit.

Thetis's picture

Yea I know. But it's like him saying he loves me and then doing nothing Valentines Day. I think everyone should be shown the appreciation they deserve, and Dh makes me feel like I don't deserve it. idk. I know where you're coming from. And its the same as where he's coming from. But thats not the way I look at things.
For father's day I got a couple picture frames, and a card for him. Then me and Munchkin (his daughter) picked out pictures and put them in the frame and signed the card.

BMJen's picture

Thetis, I totally understand what you are saying honey. We kill ourselves everyday to make sure our families are taken care of and fed, etc. We do deserve ONE day per year to be pampered and spoiled. We spoil and pamper them on Father's Day don't we? I think you're not as concerned with the card as this is being made out. If he had stepped up and made you feel special on this day, which he should have, then you wouldn't have even cared about the card.

I know this because my DH didn't get me a thing. I didn't want or need anything. He did cook me breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And he also changed all diapers and cleaned up the house for me. That was the most perfect thing in the world! He spent 2 hours making my favorite dinner. He really pampered me and I really appreciated it. I didn't care there wasn't a card, and you wouldn't have either if he had made some type of effort on Mother's Day. KWIM?

Thetis's picture

Awww, see!!! That would have been great! I got up when his alarm went off and did a load of laundry while he sat on the computer. Then I ate at the Legion. Then I went and picked up my own 7-11 dinner. He didn't even want to come into the store with me. grrrr....

unhappy2happy's picture

Thetis, I don't care what anyone says when you are a SM you are a mother... You cook, clean, wipe snotty noses and are expected to to everything a BM does... So I really don't think a card is too much to expect...

I would be pissed off royally if my DH did that to me... A massage, F... That, I want a card and flowers and dinner.. Just like he wants me to love, and cook and clean up after his kids... Thank God mine are young adults now and most of my BS is over...

I think every SM deserves a special day... and once a year is not asking too much...

livebyfaith's picture

I spent mother's day in the park. I asked my MIL to have a picnic- I organised all the food so that she could see her grandkids (ss7 and ss10) My skids live with us full time, and BM left when my youngest was 2 years old. I have been in the picture since he was three. They visit BM EOWE- when she takes them. Anyway- MIL organised for BM to meet us in the park. I spent the whole of my mothers day being polite and civil while my MIL discussed parenting and what wonderful children BM had raised. I went home to a messy house and ate vegemite toast for dinner. Thetis- I feel your pain. ((Thetis))

unhappy2happy's picture

Livebyfaith, I am sorry honey that you day was so bad, If I were you that would be the last time I invited my MIL for a picnic... I could not of controlled my anger... But I guess that is why your name is LIVEBYFAITH. Where was you DH??? He needs a good kick in the ass of reality...