You are here

Is it jealousy?

Thetis's picture

So Bm has decided we have gotten along for long enough. She has treatened to withhold SD from us if we do not attend a bday party she is throwing for SD with all of Bms family. They share joint custody, but the only access ruling is one that was put in place for when Bm moved away. Dh is supposed to have generous and reasonable access.
I'm wondering now if she is doing this because I told her we had to do baby shopping that day. It is three weeks before my due date. She has also told Dh that I need to butt out. It really seems like she is trying to make him chose between his two families. (Although I believe he only has one family and BM is not a part of it.) She seems to have unrealistic expectations. She starts crap but wants us to come and pretend to get along infront of SD. I think it would be better if we just kept the two families seperate.


Stick's picture

Thetis... It could be jealousy... and all you and DH can do is NOT play into it. At this time, as difficult as it is... I would suggest...

1. Try as hard as you can to take the high road and not get baited

2. Take BM"s bluff. Tell her you would hate to have to go to court and tell the court that she is "threatening to withhold" SD.

Stand up... be smart about this. Document Document Document. And don't be afraid to let BM know she WILL NOT run this show.

Thetis's picture

I'm just trying to convince Dh that we should not give in. He wanted to go to the bday party anyways, even though he knows how unhealthy it would be, just because SD wants us there. I said that she can't ask for Santa to come on Easter, and she can't ask Daddy to be at mommy's house. She needs to learn this. My baby (and future children) will never go to BMs house untill they are at least 12 years old and able to understand the differences better.
Also I don't like to be threatened.
Stupid stress... good thing 99% of babies born after the 34th week don't need extensive medical interventions because I'm sure this is pushing me closer to delivery.

JustAnotherSM's picture

It could be jealousy, but I think it's a power play. BM wants to prove that she still has power over DH and that SD will always come first, even before the new baby.

My BM pulled similar crap when I was pregnant with DH's baby. SS (age 13 at the time) was supposed to stay with DH and me for 4 weeks during the summer, because BM said he was getting to be too much to handle and so he could be there for the baby's birth. Well, BM's husband went away for a week and BM was too scared to stay at home by herself at night so she requested SS come home for a week until her husband came home. Our baby was born the week that SS was at home. SS was upset that he missed everything, but BM gloated. She didn't want SS "trading sides" to be part of DH's family instead of hers. BM continued to turn up the PAS telling SS that DH didn't care about him anymore now that we had a baby of our own. It was really sad.

You have good reason to keep the families separate. Don't let BM ruin this wonderful time in your life.