Bio-protectiveness and teaming up?
Me and FDh had a great 2 1/2 hour chat about boundaries last night. I think that switch that turned off when he went drinking with Bm must have been switched back on yesterday because his brain was back to being connected properly to his mouth.
One issue that I noticed that has kind of put me on guard is the fact that as soon as I mentioned that our kids with not be put in undesirable situations to make things easier for his relationship with bm, and/or visitation he started to get really defensive.
I have every plan to go out of my way to ensure that Munchkin is included in our family and family events. I will pick the weekend we have her for Bday celebrations and ect. But I also wanted him to promise me that he will be with us on specail days, like actual birthdays. And that we will have times with our children, that does not include Munchkin so they don't feel that we only do certain things for her.
All he could say on the topic is that everyone is going to have to make some sacrifices.
Has anyone else delt with this? (I'm sure alot of you have!) How have you comprimised so that there is minimal sacrifices?
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Yes, he is always
Yes, he is always immediately defensive as soon as I bring up any issues I have with the kids. ANd I think it's ridiculous because I am always lookig out for them, doing stuff for them, and everything even when they're not here. I think I think about them even more than he does, but I'm not allowed to ask for help with getting them to clean up after themselves or anything like that. And he lets people say mean things about me and totally doesn't stick up for me at all.
It sucks you're going
It sucks you're going through this! My dh sticks up for me alot and so does Bm. Weird eh? There is definate potentional for me!
Have you looked into some parenting books? There are some really good ones out there with family activities to get him to understand why he should help more. www.stepcoupling.com has a pretty cool boundaries activity.
I'm more worried about the fact that Dh thinks getting pizza on a day we don't have munchkin is "cheating" munchkin out of something. smdh. Silly boy.
Thetis, I don't know girl.
Thetis, I don't know girl. I'm alot like that when it comes to SD! If we are planning on going to the beach or something I'll change the date if she isn't going to be with us. My bio kids miss out, and my son gets really pissed at me for it. But I just want her to be there to!! DH even gets mad at me though.
I just always have a better time doing stuff if she's there with me. But then again, she's BD 2's second momma! I swear she's helped me raise her! LOL!
Aww thats soo great! Sd is
Aww thats soo great! Sd is going to be 4 when the baby is born, and if she stays in the area I don't think we'll have much of a problem including her in things. I'm just worried about the other kids (me and dh want at least two, and this first one is almost ready to come out of the oven). I want them to know that we do fun things because we like to do fun things, not because Sd needs them or deserves them or something.
I'm sure we'll figure it out! I'm just looking for stories like your beach one! (Ohh I hope my munchkin takes the Big Sister role like your Sd seems to have!)