As a Biomom and Stepmom... I 2nd the idea of going to the  beach kid free!! The beach with kids is fun and all... for them... but a weekend away with grown-up sippy cups, sun, saltwater air.... yeah, that is the good stuff!

We usually do a long weekend away every year in the outerbanks, just the 2 of us. Sometimes you need that reconnect and recharge. Plus the bonus of not having to have coolers of crap snacks, toys, constantly supervising, unable to actually relax- makes the whole thing much better. 

I think it may be more the way you express yourself to him that gets his defensive hackles up.  You tell him that you want to wait for a trip until he is "kid-free".  He heres that again you are trying to exclude his kids and hate them being around (which may be true but he takes that as an attack against his kids so he gets defensive).

Instead, you could have approached him with "I would love for us to get away for a romantic weekend... My dad asked us if we wanted to go to the Beach and that sounds like a perfect place for us to get away for a nice weekend.. wine, walks on the beach, snuggle time"

If he said.. But what about the kids?  You can then say... I was hoping that we could do this trip for just the two of us.  The kids would be so bored with adult things.  We can plan it for a weekend when their mom has them.  We can plan another trip during the summer for the whole family to go to and do more family friendly things.

I would also ask that you actually listen to what he is saying when he says that you need to accept that he has kids.  I think he feels you are constantly trying to push the kids away... point out their flaws.. push him to be harder on them than he wants to be.  He honestly feels he was doing "fine" with them before and really doesn't believe your new rules are necessary.  Now, that doesn't mean your rules are ridiculous, but if HE doesn't have his heart in it, then you are swimming upstream.  Also, maybe his idea of being a father IS to have the kids with him for every vacation he will ever take.  He probably has some guilt that he isn't with them full time and feels worse excluding them from fun stuff like a beach trip.  It may not be wrong for you to want adult time, but he may not be the man who is able to give that to you.

Maybe point out to him that even parents in intact families take vacations without the kids.  My siblings and I loved when my parents would take a weeklong trip without us, because we got to stay with Grandma.  Fun City!

SKID FREE BEACH TRIP!!!

I'm completely down for that! Realistically I don't see it happening... Only Skid free trip I see in our future is DH's friend's wedding... That'll be a thing... So I say go ham!!! Just make sure you get them to the beach sometime too and you'll be golden! I don't see why ANYONE should be expected to take kids on every trip! I mean I'm not even from a split family and my parents left us with grandparents and would get out! 

Tankh21 every now and then the topic of kid free time comes up on ST.

I did some math in my head and it has been 27 years since I was kid free. Even my first dh and I did not have kid free weekends when we became parents. We still arent kid free since we have minor bios here at home. Some of us do not have family close by to take overnights. Sure there have been sleepovers at friends for a night  but most parents are on standby for a call at any time for ill kids, kids being scared etc and they want to come home.

Anyway...I understand your frustration. Does your dh think BM isnt hooting it up during summers and Spring break? WHY doesnt she insist kids are with her on her free time and vacations?  I never agreed with ncp having kids during all breaks when school wasnt in session but that topic if for another thread.

Can you plan something when the kids are not with you? 

I hope your husband decided to take off ALL of Spring Break so he can spend it with his children. He did, right?

Goodluck- but isn't that a decision you made?  Most parents in intact homes even have free weekends for themselves where they leave kids with a sitter/friends/family and have alone time.  It's sad to me that you haven't had that in 27 years-seems criminal almost.  Seriously-that cannot be good for anyone.

Listen, I might be offended if someone suggested DH and I take a trip to the beach without BS8.  But we are an intact family and also BS8 is a good kid, very well mannered and mature so why wouldn't I want to take him.  If he was a raging lunatic twattling, then NO I would NOT want to take him to the beach. 

Does your DH understand that it's not that you don't like his kids, it's that you don't like their behaviors and you don't like HIS lack of doing anything about it. 

Sounds like your H never got the memo that second marriages are different from first ones.

Or learned the lesson that life is all about balancing one's obligations.

When his kids were teens, DH and I would schedule a weekend getaway roughly every three months. It reconnected us and gave us something to look forward to while we were slogging through careers, kids, and paying the bills. It's good for a relationship to get away for some room service and hot monkey sex.

Sounds like it's a you beach weekend. Leave DH and the skids at home.