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Yesterday and just needing to vent....

tankh21's picture

So DH picks up the skids yesterday for spring break and the first thing that comes out of OSS's mouth to me is "Do you have febreze my room smells bad? I told him "No, I don't and I just cleaned your room". I went into his room and nothing smelled bad so I have no idea what he was even talking about?

I am thinking well you don't take a shower unless you are told to so the bad smell is most likely coming from you. I wanted to tell him that but I didn't. My DH was going to pick something up from the store so he picked up febreze for OSS.

DH and me talked to YSS and told him that if we catch him sleeping on the couch again that he will get woken up and told to go to his room. He was laughing when DH told him this. I told him that he won't think it's funny when I wake him up!

I know that this is typical pre-teen behavior but I am utterly tired of the disrespect from these kids. My house is always clean and then OSS goes home and whines to BM that our house is dirty, we starve them, there is no sheets on their beds. BM would come to her snowflakes rescue and just show up at our fast with fast food or a brand new pair of sheets when OSS complained during DH's visitation time.

This happened last year that she would just show up. She hasn't shown up lately. Thank god! However, her constant monitoring still happens all the time. She will text DH and have her bitch fest about how he doesn't care about his kids.

This usually happens on an extended visit because she is so worried about her snowflakes and that they are being properly taken care of. She even got my MIL involved last year as well. I had to tell my MIL to back off because of her.


StarsMom's picture

Ugh, BM's behavior would make a long visit very stressful! I'm sorry you have to deal with that.


twoviewpoints's picture

Yeah, seems extreme, but what if you remove the object of contention? In this case the sofa. Whether Dad squeezes it into your bedtime for the Spring visit or hauls it to a storage unit, make it not available to be slept on. No, you wouldn't have it to sit on during the short disappearance , but I could handle my buns sitting in the livingroom on a dining room table chair for a week if it meant ending the game of kid sneaking out to sleep on the couch.

Kid might not find it so tempting to sneak out there and sleep on the floor. The other thing might be to try the cable cords. What if Dad disconnects the cable from the television . Yes, I realize both suggestions sound extreme and that you should not have to go to these extents. Kid should just listen in the first place and stop being a brat.... but I'm the mean mother who literally pitched a television out the front door once and watched it crash on down the front steps. My kid wouldn't get his face out of the tv long enough to talk when being talked to. So I removed the object. Yes, I ended up eventually getting another television , so the stunt did cost me a few bucks, but it was the last time the kid tuned Mommy out when being spoken to. 

It probably wasn't one of my best parenting moments , but it worked. I'm not above stooping to a childish stunt when it comes to having to deal with a child who thinks 'meh, what are you going to do about me ignoring you, Mom?' 

tankh21's picture

I was thinking about removing the couch cushions the next time SS gets caught sleeping on the couch.

StepUltimate's picture

Remove them before you go to bed. If he adds blankets or pillows anyway, wake him up. And wait until he's asleep, too. 

Simpleton21's picture

Oh the joys of being a SP! LOL!  I love the lies that skids tell BMs and the fact that the BMs believe them rather than realize that they are manipulating the situation.  My SD does this all the time and it only continues b/c BM would rather believe a 10 year old child than think, "hmmm, maybe this isn't 100% true and maybe SD is causing chaos on purpose".  

Ugh, I love the bitchfests that berate SO and tell him he doesn't care about SD for whatever reason and SD should be #1 above everything including my children...SO gets those frequently as well. Basically anytime SD is upset about not being treated like royalty in our home and cries to BM.  I told SO to stop telling me what BM says b/c it just makes me resent the situation even more than I already do!

I love the idea of removing the couch cushions since he won't listen.  Also agree with twoviewpoints on removing the ability to watch the TV if that is why the SS keeps relocating to the couch!

tankh21's picture

BM over here always tells my DH as much as you don't like it the kids come to me with all of their problems and not you. I mean how childish can you be. To me this PAS and BM pretty much just outted herself.

Simpleton21's picture

Do we have the same BM!?!?! OMG, that is the same type of BS this one pulls.  She always goes on about how SD is "scared" to talk to SO and how he needs to be easier on her - so basically let her get away with everything so he doesn't hurt her little fee fees.  If she does something worthy of being punished (IMO) BM wants SO to have a nice gentle talk with her! LOL, yeah b/c that solves everything!  She even told SO that SD needed an "advocate" at our home b/c he wasn't doing his job and making her #1 above EVERYONE! LMAO....whatever crazy!

tankh21's picture

LOL...It is crazy how much these kids are coddled. An advocate?! That is just crazy!!! Do these women even know what structure and discipline is. I am curious how these kids are going to turn out when they turn 18. Living at home with mommy.

Simpleton21's picture

Structure and discipline is what evil stepmoms enforce obviously and their snowflakes should not be included in any of that.  I cracked up one time b/c I had SD clean up dog poop with my BS (who does it twice as much).  Both SD and BS begged for the dog and promised to do this exact chore.  Well shortly after SD returned to BMs SO got a text about how he needed to make sure I treat SD the same as my kids and blah blah blah.  Um, no BM, what you want is for me to treat SD better than my kids and I am not going to do that.  Shortly after that is when I decided to mostly disengage.  However SD turns out is on SO and BM.  I'm done trying to help teach her responsibility and such.  I do hope that SD lives with BM FOREVER! LOL


tankh21's picture

LOL...It's your house and your rules apparently BM doesn't understand that. Have you and BM ever exchanged words about SD?

Simpleton21's picture

No, not about SD.  One year she kept trying to blame EVERYTHING SD did on my son.  I could really care less about BM talking crap about me but her trying to act as if my son was the reason SD was misbehaving in HER home set me over the edge.  I had a little text battle with her at that point.  Made her look dumb with all her accusations and her last reply was something like, "bark bark cluck cluck, Happy Easter" - because it was on Easter!  LOL!  I left it at that...she had no intelligent responses and that was just comical to me!  I haven't wasted my time or energy on communicating with her sense that moment.  That is SO's problem...not mine!

nengooseus's picture

And she manipulates them into saying things that are literally the opposite of what the skids say with us.  

SS8 has sensory issues (that are undiagnosed because BM is an idiot).  He likes to pet his head when his hair is cut short.  BM likes his hair longer, so that she can put product in.  SS begged for DH to cut his hair every other week until BM put words in his mouth with DH and told him to stop.  And when he said she was wrong, she just badgered him into "wanting" his hair left longer.  And then, of course, it was all DH's fault because he was *clearly* wrong, and SS was just "afraid" to tell him the truth.

Simpleton21's picture

Oh, I am also very familiar with the BM agenda/manipulation and the use of "it is what SD wants" when I am pretty sure that at least 90% of the time it is what BM wants and SD goes along with it because she feels like she has to do what BM wants! The most recent was the SD really wants to do tennis (every Sunday).  Well so far on our weekends SD has only attended 1 practice and missed the other 2.  One she missed b/c she was sick with "an asthma flare up" - but she was still completely fine to walk around and shop with us all day and this past weekend she missed practice b/c of her "re-injured knee" - but again she was completely fine running around and playing and doing flips on the trampoline.  It seems pretty obvious to me that SD fakes injuries to get out of all these activities "she wants" to do.  I'll be interested to see if SD goes to her gymnastics tonight or if her injury will prevent that as well.  

Simpleton21's picture

Sorry, just saw this reply!  Just figured out today where the bookmarks were stored now, lol!  Guess I'm a little slow!

Oh yes, of course, she does it to give SD a sense of normalcy since she is still adjusting to going back and forth and a divorce that happened 8 freaking years ago!  I think I made a whole blog about the tennis was like the cherry topping to all of BM's extracuricular activities and it set SO off.  He told her he might not be able to take her on his weekends sometimes and she flew into a BM frenzy threatening court and telling him that judges don't mess around with ECA and that she knows many parents who loes time over ECA!  BS, she is a liar!  Seriously, a judge will take away already limited parenting time in favor of tennis practice when the kid clearly doesn't even want to go.....mmmkay!

lieutenant_dad's picture

And you stay with your spineless DH because...?

Seriously, if BM ever showed up on my front porch without calling, DH would read her the riot act. He has done it when she just randomly drops the kids off with his parents, too.

DH chews out his kids if they don't listen to me. If he doesn't agree with me, he'll tell me later. In the moment, though, he reinforces my authority.

Kids run back and tell BM things that aren't true? DH will make it true. No more sheets. actually, scratch that. They'll get sheets but no bed. Or television. Or games. Or anything. If he catches them trying to play him or BM, it's game over and fun times stop immediately. Luckily, the kids rarely try to out right manipulate DH, and when they do, they don't like the outcome.

Seriously, why continue to live in dysfunction if it's causing you THIS MUCH stress?

tankh21's picture

This happened last summer when she showed up a few times. The last time BM acted crazy she came out of her house when DH came to pick up the skids and was screaming at him in front of the kids. He told her that he will not tolerate her yelling at him in front of the kids and drove off.

Aniki's picture

Maybe he objects to the smell of CLEAN.

Here's an extreme way to solve the couch-sleeping... Turn the couch over, lean it against a wall, or move it into an inaccessible room. That's what my nephew did when his son kept sleeping on the couch.

tankh21's picture

This kid complains about everything Aniki and the other one just is just a flat out manipulator bully. LOL I could turn the couch over. That is not a bad idea.

Aniki's picture

Tank, the ONE time my great-nephew flipped the couch upright to sleep on it, my nephew dumped his arse onto the floor. Dirol

Aniki's picture

He most certainly did not!! I'm fairly certain that dump onto the floor dislodged his head from his backside... Wink

EyesOfaStranger's picture

A bag of marbles kept in the freezer should do the trick... every time that boy is asleep on that couch just dump that bag of cold marbles by his side- trust me you can't roll away from them fast enough! Haha. I bet it will only take one or two times....