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Same crap....Different Day...

tankh21's picture

So apparently my DH forgot that he was supposed to pick up the skids yesterday. I had just got off of work and get a text from him telling me that he is going to deal with a customer and has to drive out to his place to talk to him about 45 minutes away. I ask him aren't you supposed to pick up the skids today? He says yes, he asks me if I can do it and I tell him I would rather not because I don't want to deal with BM or the skids today. He asks can I please pick them up? I said I will do it this time but next time you will have to make other arrangements or they will just not come over.

What I don't get is why he is so adamant about not missing a visitation. I mean stuff comes up and schedules change. The only thing I can think of is that he doesn't want the skids to think that he's a bad dad. Well news flash you really don't parent them any way!!

Anyway, so I am driving to pick them up and then all of the sudden DH calls me and tells me that BM texted him and told him that YSS has a band concert and that he will have to pick up OSS from her house and YSS from his school after the band concert. I told DH hell no I am not dealing with this crap. He says well can you pick up OSS at BM's house and he will pick up YSS after his band concert. I said ok fine.

I get to BM's house to pick up OSS and BM had just pulled up in the driveway. I park across the street and she just stares then flips me the bird and walks inside her house. I called DH and told him do not ask me to pick up the skids at BM's anymore because I am not dealing with her drama. He asks me what happened and I tell him and he tells me I am sorry that happened. I just told him that I am not going anywhere near BM's house anymore.

So OSS comes out and gets in the car and I drive off. He is being his usual self and just starts talking his nonsense like he always does. I see a sign that says lab puppies and I am looking at the sign and all of the sudden OSS tells me you don't need another animal do not even think about getting one. I look at him and say excuse me!? He says I know what you were thinking? I said actually no you don't because you aren't a mind reader and I am an adult and you need to mind your own business and watch the way you talk to me. Then he's quiet for about 10 minutes or so.

Then he tells me that he is smarter than me and I just laugh and say ok kid whatever you say. I said you need to just stop talking to me right now because I am really sick of your crap and you disrespecting me. I noticed that you only do it when we are alone and you make sure that your father isn't around so this crap stops right now because I will just not deal with it any longer. He didn't say a word. I know that it won't last long because he is had no filter and just doesn't know any better however, I still will not let a 15 year old disrespect me.

So when DH gets home I tell him the way OSS acted and what he said to me and he says well he has been like this all his life what do you want me to do? I told him I want you to tell him that he doesn't have to like me but that I am your wife and he will respect me. I said he only does it when you aren't around mostly so he probably is doing it on purpose. I told him that he isn't doing his kid any favors but not teaching him how to be respectful and not treat people badly but whatever his kid his problem. I told him that I will not allow him to talk to me the way he talks to me and I will shut it down every time. I am just tired of the excuses that my DH makes for his kid. I try to be around OSS at least as possible so that helps but now that I am not going to pick them up at BM's house anymore that should minimize some of it.


Lollybobs's picture

Do not pick them up again. EVER. You might need to suddenly remember a prior commitment if he ever asks again.

hereiam's picture

he says well he has been like this all his life what do you want me to do?

So, your H and BM have been crappy parents from the get go and have never taught him respect, never gave him any consequences for being a dick. He knows damn well what he is doing AND that he can get away with it.

Start over on disengaging, no more favors.

captjacksprrw's picture

When my SS's were still in college and high school respectively, they would talk to their own mother like that.  Tons of self centered arrogance.  To this day, although things are so much better, my ss28 still thinks the world should just do everything his way and without directly putting anyone down, he always questions how each of us chooses to do a task, make a choice, etc.  yet he very very rarely owns up to his own judgement calls and such.  I feel it is a mistake to demand respect as that does not work.  However, DH needs to have several talks with him now.  He has to be very clear that WE are a family and that you and he are the adults and that the SS's are loved but thay are Not in charge and not the adults

Gimlet's picture

Tank, I believe I read in the past that you were planning to seek counseling to figure out why you weren't willing to leave this situation.  Have you made any progress on that? 

tankh21's picture

Yes, we are going to counseling separately right now and then going together. It has made some progress but the skids are still one of the biggest issues.

thinkthrice's picture

"reminding him" to pick up the skids.   Thus  opening an opportunity to get you to do it. 

Ye olde "what do you want me to do about it"

That is the suffix of "They're just kiiiiiiddddds" (when young enough to be trained but yet allowed to be feral)

to:  "It's too late now to do anything about it" (when feralness has set in as a personality trait due to lack of training at an early age)

Siemprematahari's picture

He is had no filter and just doesn't know any better however, I still will not let a 15 year old disrespect me.

Your 15 year old SS knows better, he knows EXACTLY what he's doing or else he wouldn't wait until you both are alone to show his @ss. I would NEVER pick him up, not from his mothers house or near a deserted highway. Your H can go and deal with that nonsense.

So when DH gets home I tell him the way OSS acted and what he said to me and he says well he has been like this all his life what do you want me to do?

Seriously so your H excuses SS's behavior with "he's been like this all his life". That's not a valid reason to continue allowing the disrespect and not addressing it. Why doesn't your H get in this kids @ss is beyond me but I would disengage and allow his father and BM to do it all. Why would your H even put you in the situation of picking them up at her she can flip you the bird?!?

Your H is a piece of work and I wouldn't allow all that bullsh!t he's on to continue.


tankh21's picture

Yes I know it is a bunch of crap. So from now on he picks up his own brats no matter what!

ESMOD's picture

haha.. BM.. so mature.. flipping someone off?  You know.. I would have just given my best grin and just waved back like I was waving at my "best friend".. calling out "ohh... so lovely to see YOU today BM.. I'm here to pick up my little bonus son.. is he ready?"


HowLongIsForever's picture

Showing my (im)maturity here but one of my all time favorite things when people get into the gesture games is a thumbs down.

I don't know why but it seems to surprise people - like they're expecting the reaction to be returning the bird or something.  It's especially effective in crazy traffic when people are just plain losing their minds.

Cracks me up every time.  It's so childish I'm almost ashamed of myself.  Almost.  Lol 

Ispofacto's picture

If BM ever flipped me off I would openly laugh at her.  LOL.  What an idiot she is.


Aniki's picture


"Hey, BM, nice manicure! You get that at the dog groomer?"

I wouldn't REALLY say that, but it's tempting...

Aniki's picture

Firstly, do NOT remind your DH about skid pickup EVER AGAIN. You know the saying, tank: Not your circus, not your monkeys. If you working, sick, out with friends, entertaining the Pope, you would not be available to get the skids and your DH would have to make other arrangements or pick them up later.

Second, do not be alone with the skids. Period. Your 'D'H obviously has no problems with his kid being a disrepectful little asshat and pretty much told you that. HIS circus, HIS monkey. NOT YOURS.

You need to disengage NOW, in every way. As far as the skids are concerned, you are never an option. Not for pickup, not for rides, not for meals, not for one bloody thing. Let 'D'H handle his little asshats all by his big asshat self.

What happened with the counseling? Are you seeing someone?

tankh21's picture

Yes I am going by myself and DH is going by himself then we go together. So I go alone then he goes alone and then we go together after we both have gone alone to talk about things.

Aniki's picture

Please let the counselor know that your husband seems to be okay with his son disrespecting you. {{hugs}}