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It's been a long time...

tankh21's picture

Submitted by tankh21 on Tue, 10/01/2019 - 10:18am

So I haven't documented anything in a long time so here goes. BM has been quiet for awhile now which is one reason why I haven't blogged anything lately. But, some stuff happened over the weekend and I just some support. I told my DH how I truly felt about OSS and he really didn't say anything at that time and this was last Friday then on Saturday I went to a concert with my friends and he decided to come along.

I was with my friends for about an hour and my DH was sitting on the curb on his phone then all of the sudden I go over to talk to him he says that I ditched him and he realizes and I really don't love him and that I treat him and his kids like crap. I am assuming that he was upset about what I said about OSS so he waited a day to tell me he was mad about it.

Then he told me we were over and that he wanted a divorce. I am crying and devastated so I take him home and then he tells me that I need to leave our house. So I packed a bag and left. I stayed with a friend and then went to my dad's house to talk to him about what happened. He advised me not the leave the house because my DH really can't kick me out or tell me to leave since we are married.

So I went back Sunday afternoon. I asked him if we could talk and he said that I didn't want to be with him and that I was the one that wanted the divorce. I told him if that was true then I would've said something to him. He said your actions speak louder than words. How can someone assume that is how you feel or try to make a decision like that for you? I told him that it sounds like he is the one that wants out and is just trying to make me out to be the bad guy and that if he truly wants me gone then he needs to just say so.

I told him that we both need to work on our issues and that I didn't want to get a divorce. I truly love this man I just don't like his kid. I am willing to tolerate his kid to be in this marriage though. I don't know why I love this man so much or what makes me gravitate towards him but I just know that I want to work things out with him. I know that it is my decision to make about whether I want to be with my DH or not but what I want to know is if anyone else has been in the situation that I am in and if so how did you deal with it if you stayed?

Comments

nengooseus's picture

Submitted by nengooseus on Tue, 10/01/2019 - 10:29am

And being afraid is normal and OK, but it's not a reason to stay with someone.  Sometimes fear feels like love and sometimes fear will cause you to cling to things and people that you shouldn't.  (See trauma bonding, for example.)  

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Tue, 10/01/2019 - 10:36am

It takes two willing participants to make a marriage work.  He already told you he wants a divorce and attempted to kick you out of your home.

While I think you did the right thing by telling him how you feel about his son, you have to understand that many parents are not willing to have their children live in that type of environment.

 

Siemprematahari's picture

Submitted by Siemprematahari on Tue, 10/01/2019 - 10:50am

Interesting how you share your feelings about his son and he instantly goes from 0 to 100 and wants a divorce? If you want to "work" things out that's on you, but please know it takes two to make that happen. He was ready to give up on your marriage and not even fight for it. I hope he wants this as badly as you do because the way he's manipulating this whole situation right now......would have me questioning the entire marriage.

I hope all works out in your favor OP.

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Tue, 10/01/2019 - 11:18am

Tankh.. at every turn, your husband has shown he will support his sons.  He has aligned himself with them.. every.single.time.  The only times he has made a whisper of a wimpy attempt to parent them is when you have literally turned bug eyed purple ... and even then.. he throws you under the bus with his widdles like "ooo please do this because tankh (rolls eyes).. is annoyed and I don't want to hear her lip"

He uses you emotionally.. physically and financially.. but gives you scraps of affection.. just enough to keep you on the hook.  Now, he is taking up kicking you out in a pout because you told him some truth about his son.  Now, maybe he has sensed some pulling back on your part.. because goodness gracious it must be difficult to be all about your DH when he is kissing his kid's hind end. (or BM.. or MIL etc...).

I would also take this "gift" from him.. and see where it takes you.  Go see a lawyer... see what you can get and how it would work.  Don't let your DH blindside you repeatedly.

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Tue, 10/01/2019 - 11:52am

Seriously. Work through your addiction to him, and get out of this marriage - it is literally tearing you to peices.

Lawyer up and call his bluff.

Do not leave the house - it belongs to you.

Sorry you are going through this he!!.

If SD20 Feral Forger hadnt moved out, I probably would not be married to DH. There are REALLY good men out there, its never too late to start over. Im 51. Started fresh many times.  You can have a wonderful life with someone who loves you and supports you.

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Tue, 10/01/2019 - 1:49pm

in the early years.  As the other posters said,  I would not feed into it because you become the co-dependent.  I just ignore any childish behavior