Mediation and In-Laws
DH had his mediation and it was sort of a shit show. I won’t share every detail, because I’m honestly pretty upset about how ineffective his lawyer was, but some highlights:
1) BM demanded 24/7 access on the children and refused to budge on anything, not even restricting the hours during which SSs have their phones. Then this last weekend we only had one SS, not BM’s favorite, and she didn’t text him once. She is in constant contact with the other SS when he is with us, but ignores this other child. I sort of feel bad for him.
2) BM insisted that DH agrees to go to counseling with her “if SS’s counselor recommends it.” DH told me that he thought that was a trap. I told him that he was right and it was a trap, but she refused to remove it. DH has convinced himself that the counselor will not recommend this, but he forgets how strong the brainwashing has been from BM.
3) The only real item DH got was to alternate holidays, so now I won’t have to spend every Christmas with DH’s family. I can actually see my family once in a while. Previously, DH had SSs on every Christmas Day starting at 10am. He shared this with both MIL and BIL and they have both complained. Of course, neither would ever change their plans, so we always had to Christmas Eve with them and one year, silent SIL wouldn’t let us stay at her house when we showed up on Christmas Day because MIL told us we were invited when really silent SIL just wanted to celebrate with her family on Christmas Day even though DH’s kids are only around on Christmas Day. But of course, DH’s family is all put out that they won’t see SSs every Christmas. My family was apparently supposed to disappear when I met DH because any time DH and I have ever celebrated a holiday with my family, DH’s family complains, not about seeing us, about not seeing the kids.
In other in-law news, not related to the mediation, BIL is having a “family and friends” barbecue on Sunday. I told DH that I wasn’t planning to go because I’ve gone for the past few years and primarily get ignored when I’m there. For those who haven’t read my other blogs about it in-laws - BIL’s wife - silent SIL - has talked to me once in nearly five years. During that discussion she basically told me that she didn’t really approve of DH’s divorce and that DH “never calls” his sister (which is funny because DH calls his sister all the time and she never answers). Silent SIL didn’t come to either bridal shower, skipped the birthday party that MiL insisted on throwing for me one year, didn’t come to a barbecue we hosted when my parents were in town, and has literally come into my home and not said one word to me. She didn’t say a word to me at our wedding and several of my friends asked me what her deal was because she was sitting in the corner most of the night and only really interacted with BIL and SSs. When I first got the online invitation to BiL’s barbecue, I posted a reply “I think I have a conflict on this day, but DH will be there.” No one noticed or said anything. This week, I changed my reply to no. BIL called DH and complained to him that I wasn’t going. DH said, “I think she has other plans that day.” BIL told DH that he should ask me to change his plans. BIL said, “it’s for family, she really should be there.” I don’t understand my in-laws, I’m expected to drop everything to make them feel special, but then also not be offended when the whole “family” thing doesn’t go both ways. They act like DH’s family is some exclusive club and I should be happy to be a part of it.