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Miracle of miracles...Skids are graduating

strugglingSM's picture

A miracle has happend and both Skids appear to be set to graduate from HS this week. BM filed some (incomplete) legal paperwork to continue CS payments and force DH to pay for undisclosed college costs, but she has not responded to DH's lawyer's requests for all of her financial documents (and information on what actual colleges Skids plan to go to). 

One Skid had no interest in college and DH was setting him up for a trade apprenticeship, but now, according to him, may be going to community college at BM's urging. This kid has never liked school and managed to get generous Cs and Ds. His favorite class this year was "library aide" because he "didn't have to do anything". Second Skid is going to college (we think, but we have been given minimal info), even though he is not academically prepared. In the only two classes with any academic leanings this year (Business Communications and Math in the Modern World), he is finishing with Cs. His math grade should be a D, but for some reason, his final exam (on which he received a whopping 25%) is not counting toward his grade. He did not take any classes that required reading this year and only one class required creating written documents, although they were not in the form of papers, just "presentations" for a "business idea" in Business Communications, which counted as his English class. DH regularly received emails from the Business Communications teacher about how participation was lacking, even though he ended the year with a B. He did not submit a final assignment for his "economics" class, which seems more like personal finance (since the final exercise was to create a budget), but still ended up with a C. He has told some people that he is going to become a pilot and others that he plans to be an accountant. The golf scholarship that both BM and Skid insisted he would get has seemed to fizzle away. He made it to one of the state golf tournaments, but finished 21 strokes below the kid who won and MIL (who played college golf) said to DH, "he doesn't have the temperment for college golf." 

Second Skid's school fines (of over $600, dating bath to 8th grade), seem to have been forgiven without any record of payment, but he still owes just over $450 for lunch that he has eaten, but not paid for. You'd think he would not be able to participate in graduation due to that, but he supposedly has tickets to the ceremony (which were not supposed to be distributed if you had any outstanding fines). His lunch debt will likely be forgiven, too, even though BM makes well into the multi-six figures. 

If we do end up having to pay anything for college (which based on DH's new salary, which is the best he can get right now, shouldn't be too much), we want an agreement that requires a full course load and good academic standing or payments stop. I don't even think Skid 2 will survive in the dorms because he's antisocial and a bit of a jerk / pest to other kids. His one "friend" disappeared this year for some unknown reason (DH asked what happened and Skid wouldn't say). When he used to come to our house he would go to work and that was it. Otherwise, he just sat in his room. 

Also, BM supposedly has a new boyfriend, this is either her fourth or fifth serious boyfriend, since she divorced ex husband #2 three years ago. Each time, the new boyfriend is treated as part of the family immediately. Fortunately, DH will be able to avoid BM (and maybe her new boyfriend, who can only be a boyfriend of a month or so, because in early May she still had the last boyfriend) at the graduation ceremony this week. DH is taking DD, so I told him that under no circumstances was BM allowed to interact with DD. I'm staying home with DS because small children who like to run around are strictly prohibited from the graduation (and I had no intention of going anyway because thanks to BM's PA'ing, I have no real relationship with Skids). 




Cover1W's picture

I recommend for the college payment terms, if it gets to that that in addition to " agreement that requires a full course load and good academic standing or payments stop." You add:  drop out or kicked out no more support, regular communication with skid (define contact X number of times per month) access to any parent/school portals, clarify books/fees as well as support only until age 20 something and/or upon undergraduate or associates degree.

ESMOD's picture

definitely that the child stays in good academic standing.. maybe even a GPA requirement?  And access to the grade portal too.. I also like adding that they stay in contact with parent.. keeps the kid engaged.

Dollbabies's picture

don't have grade portals for parents. Students are, except for the rare exceptions, adults and have the right to privacy - even if the parents are paying.

Cover1W's picture

Yes, that's true, there's not necessarily a parent portal. But students can GIVE that permission for access to their portal. And it should be given if the parents are paying for that education.

strugglingSM's picture

I've started pulling together some language for DH, so he can be ready whenever BM responds, which will probably be months from now, so she can make it look like she's making less money. 

Rags's picture

Social promotion is the bane of our society.  Kids who earn nothing yet are promoted year after year.  There is an upside though. They go to colleges, pay shit tons in tuition, take out loans and never graduate  paying for tons of the overheads and administrative costs of running an education institution which supports the efforts of viable students.

Of course these are also the ones crying about school loans, etc, etc, etc....

My SIL is one. She owes $100K+ in school loans with a decade+ of penanties and interest, never finished any degree, and cries about it any chance she gets an audience.

I would do everything possible not to pay a Cent if I were DH.  Drop them off at the Military recruiters office and they can earn education benefits through service. 

Cosign no loans.  Make them pay as they go and then at best, reimburse them for compliance to performance standards.

strugglingSM's picture

This will be Skid 2. And the college he supposedly picked has a very low graduation rate (32% in four years and 67% in eight years), so they seem to count on kids not finishing. 

We're hoping that the fact that BM now makes at least 4X what DH makes will mean that he either won't have to pay or won't have to pay much. You would think BM's request for "modification" would have been thrown out because she didn't provide any of the financial information you are required to submit when requesting a modification, but of course, it wasn't and it won't be. My only hope is that she's so distracted with this new boyfriend that she doesn't give her lawyer whatever information DH's lawyer requested. 

la_dulce_vida's picture

Wow. They just push them through don't they?

My 4 former stepsons did terrible in school and all 4 were pushed through with "credit recovery" BS. I know one of the triplets sat in front of a computer doing digital stuff for 2 weeks prior to graduation and barely made it. I know the school helped him because the triplets "had to graduate together." Barf.

strugglingSM's picture

Yeah, it's a bit insane at their school. They both have several classes where there are no assessments or exams, only quizzes and most of the assignments are "notebook checks" or other seemingly useless tasks. They both regularly get Ds and Fs on assessments or quizzes. In fact, Skid 2 apparently retook his final math exam (the same one he took on Friday that was graded at 25%) and even though he had seen the exam and had a weekend to study based on what he saw on the actual exame, he still only got 50%...and it's still not counting for his grade for some reason. 

Skid 1 failed a CTE class freshman year and said he had to go for two weeks over the summer and then the class was marked as passed. 

Rags's picture

Both BIL1 and BIL2 were scrambling to finish Freshman Focus up to the day before gradaution.  This is a class all Freshmen are required to complete during Freshman year.  My BILs both failed to complete it.  My ILs did shit for nothign to force them to do it.

Fortunately both BILs were at least aware enough to pull a miracle out of their asses at the last possible microsecond. Even with the last second ass miracle, BIL1 was sobbing he was terrified about stepping into adulthood.

He enlisted in the Army out of sheer terror. He hated it.  When he finished his 4yrs he came home and allowed himself to be manipulated into marrying the bovine bride he did not even remember from HS though she had a huge crush on him.  They were in FFA together. So his lack of memory of her was interesting.

BIL1 wanted an Army career. He was not allowed to re-enlist so had his career beyond his firwst 4 years on active duty in the National Guard.  

Both BILs are agricultural laborers.  They love it, but like my FIL, both are developing major health problems and likely check out early after wearing themselves out. Both are in their mid 40s and look older than I do at 60.

These social promotion progeny have no clue that their entire lives will in all liklihood be traumatic and a huge struggle in comparison to their classmates who did it right.


Exjuliemccoy's picture

Yep, they just push them through. I was shocked to find out YSD's high school didn't even have a mechanism for making students repeat years, no matter how awful the grades. They want their grad numbers to look good and the problem kids gone.

Gird your loins, OP. BM will soon tire of her failure to launch sons. And when she shuts down the gravy train, they'll come crying to daaddee for a place to live. Get a strategy in place now.

Harry's picture

By keeping the $ rolling in.  You have to make sure that SK are actually going to school and havibf a good average in all classes. Most states have it set up if you finish HS you automatically get into communication C.