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BM Rewriting History....again

strugglingSM's picture

So, wonder of wonders, SS got into college. He really shouldn't have, because he took remedial English freshman and sophomore years and you are not supposed to be able to enroll in a 4 year state school in our state if you did not take "college prep" English for four years, but maybe his school lied. He's taking "public speaking" as his English requirement this year. He is taking one academic class this year - business math (basically the second half of Algebra 2) - which he got a C- (likely a generously rounded up C-) last semester and currently has a D in. Despite this, he tells DH he's going to study engineering. 

So, BM leaves DH a voicemail and sends him a text (they are only supposed to use OFW to communicate, but I think she's stopped paying for it) saying that when she last spoke to him (DH) 9 months ago, he said he would continue to pay child support money toward school after SS graduated. Um, DH said nothing of the sort and has not spoken to BM in at least 2 (maybe 3) years. Also, DH has not been working because his industry hasn't recovered from the pandemic, so even paying CS (which we have done) has been a struggle. And, SSs have both told DH that BM's parents are paying for all of their education. A month ago, BM sent DH a text saying she had been trying to get information on what he would pay for months and he hadn't responded, but now all of a sudden he'd already agreed to keep paying his CS amount? 

I can't tell if BM actually believes she's had these conversations or if she is just trying to put things in writing as "proof" DH said them, knowing that he didn't, but seriously...I can't. 

I told DH that I'm not paying for SS to go to college, esp since a) I think he will have to take mostly non-credit remedial classes in his first year and will likely drop all of his classes after deciding the professors are "mean" (which he's done every year of high school); and b) I don't think he'll graduate, unless the school somehow moves him along to keep tuition money coming in. 


Aniki-Moderator's picture

Is your DH going to respond to BM or give her the ~crickets~ treatment? IMO, ITW.

strugglingSM's picture

He's figuring out what he will say. I'm assuming she wants him to reply, so she can have a lawyer send a letter saying he would pay X amount. I told him any replies should come via OFW. 

strugglingSM's picture

He sent BM a text saying, I will reply in our family wizard. Her reply, "I don't have our family wizard anymore". I thought that was the case because she sent him a text asking about the holiday schedule this year and that's in our family wizard. 

The agreement never applied to her...not even the most straightforward parts of the agreement.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

OFW has a free Basic Plan. At least, they did. BM can bloody well sign back up if she's going to continue this circus.

TrueNorth77's picture

I would say, well, that is the only way I will communicate with you, so I will wait til you sign back up to give an answer. It will not come another way. BLOCK

CastleJJ's picture

DH's child support order should have a termination date. If it does, don't pay a single cent or a day over the date listed. Ignore BM, do not put anything in writing. She is baiting DH into committing to more financial contribution. 

If he does reply, it needs to be in OFW, and it needs to say "Please refer to the child support termination date as indicated on our court order."

strugglingSM's picture

His child support order says that BM may request additional funding after the kids graduate from high school, but it's stock language. In our state money for school is supposed to go to the school.

DH texted back and said he would reply in our family wizard and BM's reply was "I don't use our family wizard anymore." Of course, she doesn't, even though it's spelled out in their agreement. 

Rags's picture

So, he responds to all BM comm on OFW.  Period.  That she no nonger has it is on her.  

I would advise that he cut her messages into OFW and reply  "I have never agreed to pay any college related expenses.  Cease your attempt to manipulate that topic immediately or I will have my attorney provide you with a cease and decist order.  All support that I pay to you for the care of my child ends on the COd end date. No further support will be provided to you."

Any support following the stipulated end of CS covered in the CO should be directly to SS or to the school.  If BM files for a hearing to discuss it after SS is 18 and out of HS, have your attorney nail her for initiating a fraudulent legal action as SS will be an adult and as such will have to initiate that action himself.

We had to deal with this early in our blended family legal cycle when SpermGrandHag fraudulently filed for custody of SS in her her idiot son's name and signed his name.  DW had examples of the Spermidiots signature and SpermGrandHag's signatuer that she provided to her attorney who then smacked the SpermClan's attorney for the Hags forgery of DipShitiots signature. That was a fun kickoff of our protracted legal actions with the SpermClan.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

If your DH isn't working, are you paying his CS? It doesn't sound like he is in a position to talk money with BM at all, unless he has some other source of income. 

strugglingSM's picture

He is paying CS. Using my income and his unemployment benefits. He could have gone back and asked for a revision, but any time they'd had a revision, BM has gotten more. The last time she hid most of her income by saying she "didn't have" the documents, yet. She also claimed she was paying for health insurance for skids, to get that "expense" put into the calculation, even though she insisted that DH also still provide coverage. Her job is providing validations for divorce settlements, so she always has some lawyer who is willing to work with her to make the case for increasing DH's CS. He has three months left to pay, so we've been skrimping to get it paid. We are not in a position to pay anything for college. DH had savings put aside for skids when he was married to BM (he put a small inheritance he received into an account), but she "needed it" to pay for something for her business, so she drained the account. I've warned DH about this for years and I've been clear that my money will not go to pay for college for either skid (because I don't think either skid is college material and because I'm not their parent). I suggested that if he wanted to contribute, he put money aside to do so (after covering our expenses), but he didn't and now he can't. BM should have enough money to set aside and easily could have been putting the CS money aside for the last few months (since she makes at least $350k at this point), but why should she if she can just come back and ask for more. Skids have also told DH that their grandparents are going to pay for their college expenses. So, really, this is BM just trying to extract more money. 

Harry's picture

it doesn't exist.  BM can dream up anything she wants.  And will be happy in her own world.  Has nothing to due with your life.