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BM texting all weekend

strugglingSM's picture

BM has been texting both SSs since Friday evening to plan their vacation. She texted them on Friday night to show them the “treehouse” that sleeps four that they plan to stuff seven people in for three days. Then she texted them again on Saturday to tell them all the things they plan to do while there. Then this morning she texted them to “ask” if she should email the parents of the friends who they want to come with them. DH only has SSs four days a month, why is it that BM always has “urgent” matters to text them about during those four days. And yes, I know the answer is PAS on her part and her excessive neediness. I should also point out that this is the same woman who leaves both of these boys home alone 2-3 evenings a week, coming home after 11pm, so she and her DH can go to the casino, so it’s not as if she is in constant contact with her children when she has them. And yes, I know we could ban the phones from our house and DH did, but he’s a wimp and he let them come back to our house.

In addition to texting SSs, BM has also sent a flurry of texts to DH. She started by telling him that he could pick up SSs early if he wanted. He ignored that, but then foolishly asked her “is overly-dramatic SS still grounded?” BM claimed he was grounded after he called DH over an issue at school. This question lead to a barrage of texts over how DH could do whatever he wanted in his house. To which DH replied simply that he wanted to have a united front over punishment, leading to another barrage of texts over how DH should just let BM be the bad guy because the SS in question really doesn’t want to see DH but BM is trying to make him want to see DH, etc. DH ignores most of these texts. BM has sent pages of texts to DH’s 2 single line replies. Then BM sends a text saying that her lawyer said that SSs need counseling immediately to “deal with little issues that keep popping up” and  if DH wouldn’t even consider the counselors she sent before the mediation she can bring that up in court later. This is all coming from BM who initially demanded a mediation back in October, but whose lawyer has still not scheduled the mediation with DH’s lawyer. Also, not sure how BM sees her lawyer as such an expert in child counseling. The real issue is that BM wants to mediate less time with DH and needs evidence to do that and her lawyer probably told her that she needs a counselor to say that it’s in SSs best interest not to see DH. That SS was fine all weekend. Amazingly there was no drama, so he is not “traumatized” by seeing DH, as BM has claimed.

Then yesterday, BM sent DH the same text message twice “offering” to buy a basketball hoop for our house because SSs are “bored” when they are with us. DH said no last year and the answer is still no. There is a basketball court within walking distance of our house and it is rarely in use. Also, BM doesn’t need to meddle in what goes on at our house. I think she is just trying to use that as “evidence” that DH doesn’t reply to her messages. 

All of her texts have been sent to DH’s lawyer. 

Comments

SMto2's picture

Oh my gosh, what a selfish witch! Yes, that's nothing but pure PAS to text them throughout their visit wtih their dad about all the "fun" they're going to have with her! BM in our case almost always planned a birthday party or other fun event, or leaving for a vacation, on Sunday afternoon when the SSs were due back from visitation. Texting was non-existent then, thank God. lol. I'd have them turn off their phones when they arrive. My Family Wizard also didn't exist when my DH got divorced, but that sounds like a great idea in your case.

Cover1W's picture

BM texts and calls non-stop days before she leaves with SDs on a trip. Part of this is ok (like she needs to pack and has legit q's because they leave straight from drop off) but it can last hours and cuts into DH's time. It is PAS.

I've learned to ignore it because overall DH ignores it. 

Thumper's picture

What cell is she texting him on. ? Did BM buy it or dh?

Matters pertaining to BM's house are handled at bm's house. Same for dads.

Simple theory to figure out.

Her's are nuisance  calls that are an intrusion to dads time.

Dont need a lawyer for this stuff---nor to you need anyones permission to block either.

 

tog redux's picture

Yeah, DH just needs to block her or ignore her. There is no point it trying to coparent with her, it won't work.  Just respond to anything he needs to respond to and ignore the rest.

My SS is 19 and since there is no longer a custody order, BM spends her time texting DH about the ongoing Child Support and Tuition order (goes to 21 here).  I suggested he block her, but he doesn't want to.  I recently told him that I don't want to know what she says to him anymore. 

I wish I had done that back when she was texting all kinds of nonsense like your BM is about custody stuff. But I felt like somehow I could help DH manage it, control it and make it stop.  I was fooling myself. Then SS was alienated for 3 years and the peace and quiet from BM were wonderful.

Just let DH handle it himself. Believe me I know how hard that is, but you will feel much better.

Winterglow's picture

Has your DH considered that if she squeezes 7 people into a 4-people treehouse that it could be dangerous?  I'd not be happy with someone putting my kids at risk ...

Siemprematahari's picture

During H's time SS's phone has to be taken away during that duration he's with you both. BM is being intrusive and him responding to ANYTHING is just feeding her frenzy. The child was with him so her messages weren't an emergency. He has to teach her how to treat him and that means not being a pain in the @ss when SS is with him......I would ignore her and when the child is with her he can respond ONLY to what pertains to him....All that other nonsense is just back ground noise.