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Storm76's picture

Right, hello anyone that's reading. Smile I decided a blog would be a good way to get some of my frustrations, ponderings & thoughts about semi-step-mothering out there.

A bit of background would be useful first I guess... I'm 33, have been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years (known him for about 5) & he moved in at the beginning of the year. He son (very nearly 10) comes to stay with us every other weekend, plus we take him up to his grandparents 2/4 times a year. Despite OH having been separated from BM for ages, they're not divorced yet - as they were still living int he same house they couldn't prove they'd separated & they're intending to go down the '2 year separation, no blame' divorce route.

I'm English, so apologies for any confusions as there's different systems for divorce, child support etc. :?

I've spent most of today (oops, meant to be working hard, but there's no-one else in the office!) looking at different websites about step-parents, reading through blogs etc, and I'm so happy to know that I'm not alone in finding it completely strange & scary. I feel slightly strange giving myself the title of step-mum even as we don't have him for long periods of time, however, SS10 and the dreaded BM do impact on our life together all the time, and I hope that giving myself the title of step-mum might help me to speak up a bit more.

Will stop rambling now, and will write a proper entry about something interesting soon! Wink


RustyHalo's picture

Being a stepmom (or "mum" cute!) will be probably one of the hardest things you will ever do. But, there are rewards. When my skids said they loved me for the first time, I knew it was all worth it and every night when they say it at bedtime, it makes it all worth it all over again. It's very special because they're saying it because they want to - it's not habit, they don't feel they HAVE to love me - they just do.

Good luck to you and your new family.

**my stepdaughters did not grow in my tummy, they grew in my heart**

Storm76's picture

csong - yes, I get along with SS10 pretty well I think. We have our moments, but generally he's very well behaved when he comes round - having said that, he is seeing a counsellor at the moment about his parent's imminent divorce, and I don't know how he'll take it when his dad & I move forward...

FifthWheel - I love your signature! Can't say that I love SS10 yet, but I'm definitely fond of him.

Pantera's picture

Thats great that you get along with ss10. You will have your moments, but if they aren't major, then great! I think it will help a great deal that ss10 is in counseling. In my opinion that is the best thing you can do for a child during/after a divorce. I think your ss10 might have a good shot of getting through all of this without any major issues. Maybe keeping him in therapy through the time you and his father "move forward" would be a good idea too. I wish you all of the luck in the world. You came to the right place.

Sebbie's picture

Storm76, being a stepmom(mum)is not about full time or part time, as it truly is all of the time. I have found in my 5 years of being a stepmother, that my love and concern does not stop nor does it begin when ss walks in or out of our front door. So with that being said, Welcome to the family!!! You will find that you have the same or at least very similar issues that full time stepparents have, and of course the ex issues,well they are par for the course. You have found a great place to vent and get advice!

Sia's picture

Welcome Storm!

My family is British, so I understand the lingo... they from the Scarborough area..N. Yorks. I visit often...I just LOVE it there! Anyway, just wanted to welcome you!

anabihibik's picture

Yes, next time Sia heads off to visit her family, I'm tucking myself in her suitcase. You are a step mom if you're responsible for caring for him and your life gets disrupted. Welcome!

To every thing there is a season.