BM Always Back-pedaling
This is sort of a continuation of Tuesday's post "Here we go again".
Found an email this morning from BM that came in late last night about BM sending message home (with SS who lives with us) about her not taking her next visitation.
The rest is just trying to pick a fight with us by telling lies. BM thinks just because she puts it in writing, then it must be true and that she can use this against us later as "proof" of what terrible parents we are compared to her. ROFLOL ! 
BM's email:
DH,
"We didn't respond to your email from Sunday due to the fact that we were busy....
Quite honestly, we did not give SS any message to give to you. Whatever SS told you was totally his doing. We discussed with SS that we would not be picking him up from your house on March 14th due to some behavioral issues that keep occurring at our house. We would like him to have a good time while he is here, but he still needs to follow our rules..... not cause repeated issues and argue about everything.
Since SS's moved in with you, his personality has changed drastically! He used to be mischievous and curious (at times), sweet, thoughtful, loving, and sensitive when he lived here; however, now he has become somewhat hateful, mean spirited, unkind to others, and has been showing alot of disrespect and attitude to us and everyone around him. He's getting into trouble at school more than he used to when he lived here, and he's been talking about alot of inappropriate things like having girlfriends, things he's seen on TV there, etc. We honestly do not feel that our young children need to be hearing all of this and seeing SS showing such disrespect to everyone around him. We feel that SS (just like Bio sister and twin brother) is too young to be even thinking of girlfriends/boyfriends... and we feel that if he concentrated on school as much as getting a girlfriend and cutting up in class..... he would be doing much better at school! Whether SS likes it or not, he is a role model for the little ones (half brother 4 and half sister 6) just like bio sister and twin brother are. Because our young children are at such impressionable ages, we will not tolerate the misbehaving, disrespect, and repeated talking about inappropriate things that SS has been doing here. We are very concerned about this huge change in SS and seriously wonder what has caused it.
We had almost 2 weeks to notify you that we would not be getting SS so we were going to officially notify you at our convenience.... We know official notifications need to come from us and we don't pass notifications through the kids unless it is a written letter that we have them deliver. Since you asked, consider yourself officially notified that we will not be getting SS on Friday, March 14th and we will not be picking SS up again until Friday, March 28th.
BM and SF"
This is the typical type of email we get from BM when we have called her to the carpet when she inappropriately sends messages through the kids.
BM was angry and acted so toward SS all weekend while he was with her. Yes, he can be very outspoken at times....especially when she is treating him badly....but it's up to her to teach him to speak his mind in a respectful way. She says she wonders what causes SS's bad attitude toward her but we've pointed out to her recently that perhaps it's HER. She will not accept this because she believes herself to be the "perfect mother".
As for the rest of her rants about getting in trouble at school......he doesn't or we'd know about it, his grades are fine (BM wants all A's or it's not good enough) and the "girlfriend" she speaks of is a neighbor girl who goes to school with him and they pretended to be "girlfriend/boyfriend" over the summer and is the same girl BM called on the phone and gave "what for" to for speaking badly to SS on phone one evening while SS was visiting BM.
She thinks by not coming to get SS for next visitation it's a way to punish him by not "getting to see his mom" but in fact SS is glad he doesn't have to go because he gets tired of constantly being picked at and yelled at and punished for being a kid (by BM and SF) and for doing the things kids do to test their boundaries.
She never had him under "control" like she has the other SK's and she can't stand it!!!
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Thanks Steve
It's nice to get the imput from an adult male perspective from someone who's 'been there done that'
I have 3 brother (2 older) and watched one go toe to toe with my mom on more than one occasion once we became teenager. Such is life growing up, right?
Unfortunately, we know that BM is looking to blame us for alienating SS from her when all along she's done it herself with her own crazy behavior toward him and other kids.
You see, SS lives with us now because BM has always used DH as a threat..."if you don't behave I'm going to go make you live with your Dad". Twice before he moved in, we were actually in negotiations for SS to move here because BM couldn't handle him but BM backed out.
This time was diffent...she threatened one time too many and SS was READY to come here and get away from her craziness. For over 4 months BM tried to talk him out of 'leaving her' but SS wasn't having any of that. This has caused a lot of bad blood between them (and us)
Oh well...if it wasn't this, it would be something else. She's got a HUGE IMAGINATION!!!
You are so right Vickie
In fact we have put our foot down about it...like that does any good. In one ear out the other........
I believe she could be a decent mother if she wanted to but she's too busy being a martyr
SOME PEOPLE WEREN'T MEANT TO HAVE CHILDREN
Played into her hands and responded..Welcome to my soap opera
Long, but it gives you an idea of the day to day BS concerning BM
This is a continuation from above posted email.
Our response to BM's email:
BM,
We have a very simple reply to your email.
SS watches appropriate television programs that are monitored by us and he does not have a girlfriend and won't because we have made it very clear to him that his focus should be on his schoolwork and he is doing very well in school...without getting into trouble.
We obviously don't see or have any of the problems with SS that you mentioned in your email. If you feel that you have problems with SS when he is there with you, then we feel that is a problem that exists with you, not with SS or with us.
This is all we have to say.
Because BM is a NUT....This was her response;
DH(SM)
This is precisely the reason we don't bother asking you about things because you have and always will lie and deny anything that you can...
For your information... The Simpson's (TV14) and Family Guy (TV14) are not appropriate for a child to watch. They have blood, gore, and sometimes cartoon nudity on the shows. Hell Boy (PG-13 for sci-fi action violence and frightening images), Benchwarmers (PG-13 for crude and suggestive humor, and for language), Dodgeball (PG-13 for rude and sexual humor, and language) and Catwoman (PG-13 for action, violence and some sensuality) are also not appropriate movies for children their age to be watching! Since when are these shows acceptable for a child to view with or without supervision? It's a no brainer. Unfortunately, there have been many times when the kids came home and told us that they have watched shows or movies with your approval that are totally not appropriate for their age. We know it is true because we have asked the kids to provide details about the movies and they were able to tell us quite a bit!!
Yes, SS did have a girlfriend.... XXXXXX. Not only did he have her as a girlfriend but he also had a girlfriend named XXXXX and then another one after that... He may not have a girlfriend now... but he did.... Get my point??
By the way, the kids have informed us that you do not always allow them to wash their hands after going to the bathroom because of a shortage of water. Not only is that GROSS and DISGUSTING, but it is potentially harmful to the children's health!!! Washing your hands after using the bathroom is a human necessity! If you are having difficulties having enough water, then you need to do something immediately to remedy the situation! Anyone from the Health Department or Child Services would have a field day with that!! We suggest you get something done now!! Even if you have to buy water for washing hands, you need to let the kids wash their hands whenever they need to, ESPECIALLY after using the bathroom!!
Just because you feel that you do not have a problem with SS does not mean that SS is not the cause of the problems that we are having with him. Like I said he's changed a huge amount since going to live with you. While he would misbehave sometimes in school and at home when he lived here it was never to this extent! I am concerned about him, yet it is clear you just want to push things onto us yet again..... instead of seeing things for what they really are.
Apparently..... SS is NOT doing as well there as you would like us and everyone else to believe....
BM and SF
Couldn't resist....this was our next response:
BM,
We're not sure why we even try talking to you since it's like talking to a brick wall, but here we go............
First of all, you are correct...Not washing your hands after using the bathroom is GROSS and DISGUSTING!!! and if the kids aren't washing their hands after they use the bathroom, it's not because we don't allow them to because of a shortage of water or any other reason for that matter. We EXPECT them to wash their hands after using the bathroom, but at their age, we do not monitor them everytime they use the bathroom to make sure they wash their hands. At their age hand washing should be a "habit" if they've been raised properly. We have tried to teach them to not waste water when they wash their hands or take a shower but we would NEVER tell them to not wash their hands. We have the means to haul water to our well.......if necessary, but it hasn't been necessary for quite some time now.
In the future, we'd appreciate it if you had your facts straight before you start accusing us of things you know nothing about.
As for the television programs.........we don't know where you got your list of these shows..........All we have to say is the information that you quoted to us is wrong. (we use parental blocks and do not allow the kids to watch the shows listed here)
Also you might want to keep this in mind everytime you complain about SS......
he lived with you for 10+ years and has only been with us for 9 1/2 months......
We can't break every bad habit he learned from you over night, but we have to say that he's shown a lot of improvement in his attitude, his effort and yes, his school work since he's moved in here. Yes, SS has had occasion to back-slide in some of his classes after the first of the year......what kid hasn't?......but he is working VERY HARD to correct this and we are right there with him and for him to see that he continues to improve.
As we've said before, if you have a problem with SS while he's there with you, then it's a problem that you created and allow, so don't cry to us because you can't get him to behave. We don't have the same problem here. SS is very well behaved, has a great attitude and shows us all Great Respect.
As we said before........
Everytime you jump to conclusions before you get your facts straight, you are only showing your ass and showing how you live just to nit-pick and nag us to death.
DH & SM
p.s. Feel free to have your usual last word, but we are done.
Leave us alone!!!!
BM of course responded back with:
DH and SM,
It's obvious that you are going to continue to deny everything as you always have and always will..... Let us guess.... the kids are habitual liars.... right? Denial..... it sure is something both of you seem to do alot!!! Do you think the kids will respect or appreciate you when you ALWAYS call them liars....? Good question to ask yourselves......
for the hand washing, all 5 of our kids HAVE been properly taught to wash their hands after using the bathroom!!! We don't ever have to remind the kids about washing their hands after using the bathroom or even blowing their nose! It's an automatic thing they do because we taught them PROPERLY!! For your information..... SS used to wash his hands all the time when he lived with us. His forgetting to wash his hands didn't start until after he went to live with you! SD and TwinSS also have told us that they can't stand it that they can't wash their hands whenever they need to at your house.... even though they have gone to the bathroom..... particularly at night when they often have their hands near their faces while they sleep. Just this last weekend when Bradley stayed here, he kept leaving the bathroom without washing his hands. When we asked him about it.... he specifically said that he kept forgetting to wash his hands because the two of you do not allow him to wash his hands on a regular basis..... not even after going to the bathroom! It is disgusting and it is dangerous and it needs to stop!
I learned a long time ago that you don't ever tell the truth if you think it's possible you could get out of something! It would be nice if you would at least try to tell the truth once in a while!
BM and SF
We usually don't respond to BM for this very reason. She's always looking for a fight. Generally we don't give her the satisfaction of a response but sometimes we respond just to get her goat (and to have our say) and let her show how nuts she is....in writing.
She hates that SK's have always liked being with us and no matter what she says to them or the fact that she has SK's acting as spies here and telling lies to her (BM twists the truthful parts) she hasn't accomplished her greatest goal in life......
Getting us out of SK's life!!!
"SOME PEOPLE WEREN'T MEANT TO HAVE CHILDREN"
That would be the sensible thing to do, but......
We are not talking about a woman or kids that have any sense here. I know that sounds harsh but it's the God's honest truth!!
We have continually asked the SK'S about all the things their BM says that they say and we either find out that BM has twisted what they actually said or they have admitted to telling the lie. We have taken away TV and computers when they're here, made them write sentences, stand at the wall and think or DH has resorted to spanking. None of these things work and in the end, the SK's tell their BM about them as well and then....here we go again!!!
God forbid we punish them....to BM that's just ammunition to make accusations to DCFS (again) or go to court (again)!!!!!
It's a no-win situation!!!
I talked with SS who lives with us about all this this morning before school. (His sister and twin brothe live with BM and come here EOW)SS told me that the other two have told a lot of these lies when he's at BM's with them for visit, then SS ends up in the same boat as us, by calling his brother and sister liars.
Poor kid doesn't even want to go to his BM's anymore for visits because of the constant "grilling", the constant yelling and constant punishments while he's there for 2 1/2 days.
"SOME PEOPLE WEREN'T MEANT TO HAVE CHILDREN"
Oh but wait.....
I just thought of a way to turn the tables
I'll follow them around all weekend, check to see if they wash their hands after using the bathroom. I'll keep a scorecard of how many times they had to be reminded to go back and wash them and let them know that I'm going to "tell their Mother".
Maybe a dose of their own medicine is what they need }:)
"SOME PEOPLE WEREN'T MEANT TO HAVE CHILDREN"