THis is just a blog to give hope to all the SMs out there.

When DH and I started dating, SS was about 11 and lived with his father full time. Mom had no visitation but would pop in every three months or so, usually drunk and cry to SS about how she missed him. When I would see SS, he would give me dirty looks. When DH and I began taking our kids out together to do things, SS would pout, throw a fit, accuse DH of liking them more than him.

When we moved in together, SS told me I ruined his life. (This was after I encouraged DH to go to court and establish a standard visitation schedule with his mother. This was after DH got a RO against BM for slashing his tires and putting sugar in his gas tank... amongst other things).

When we got married, SS pouted the entire time and cried. He was 12 at this time.

When we bought a home, SS hated the house.

When SS started private school with my kids, he hated it.

When BM wouldn't come get him on a holiday because "she had no gas money" and we wouldn't allow SS to give her his money, he told me again that he hated me and that I was the worst thing that ever happened to him. (I giggled).

When SS found out we were having a baby, he said he'd never love it and it wasn't his blood.

OK... Now SS is about 14 1/2. Has had several years of me in his life. Has benefited immensely. He has also had a chance to spend consistent time with his mother and is learning who she actually is.

SS now hugs me constantly and tells me he loves me. (It used to weird me out, because I still remember him screaming at me that I'm horrible and ruined his life).

SS now comes to me with his problems and concerns - about life, school, his mom, his fight with his dad, whatever.

SS now talks about how much he loves our house.

SS now kissed on his 16 month old sister, says how cute she is and how much he loves her, asks to watch her and would even carry her in the front pack when she was smaller (he'd always ask to do this and was so proud to be doing it).

Even this morning on the way to school, he turned to DH and said, "life sure can change a lot in three years, huh Dad? Remember it was just me and you and now we have this big family?"

The kid is getting happier and happier by the day.

Keep at it SMs. If you can remain engaged, set a good example, the kid just may come around.

(Now the BMs... that's another story)