BM dropping hints for ss14 not to do any more summer visitation
Ss14 gets to have three, two week visits with his mom during summer. Last summer was the first time that was in the order.
This year, bm moved into her own apartment just in time for ss's first visit. Bm had to actually interact, feed and play mom with her son. She no longer had her gf's parents to watch him, feed him, while she did whatever and ss14 played xbox live all day with his friends.
The gf did not let bm take the xbox live -that bm told ss was his.
Anyway next visitation is Friday for two weeks. All weeks bm has been dropping hints to ss, "I know you'd like to spend time with your friends... You don't have to come for the full two weeks...I know your friend is moving and you want to spend as much time with him befor he moves (13 miles away)...if you just want to come weekends, I'd be ok"
Dh drops this news on my last night. I say, um no. She can play mommy like the court order says. No way in hell we are deviating from it just so ss can play with a friend. It's more important that he spend time with his ( bat shit crazy) mom, learn who she is and make a consientious choice NOT to be there. It's not ok for bm to do her trickery to shrug her minimal responsibilities.
Now, ss will have a phone to call us in case of an emergency or unsafe situation. That will allow us to document everything and go through the proper channels to change the order. But no way are we just going to not follow the order for shits and giggles. That dumb bia will turn it all around later and say we took him, didn't let him stay.
Thoughts?
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Comments
Stick to the CO. Best way to
Stick to the CO. Best way to fight the crazy.
Exactly what I think. Dh
Exactly what I think.
Dh forgets that bm is a whackadoo and starts to feel bad for ss. I remind him that there is a court order that we paid for so we didn't have to bend at her whim.
Sad to say that we would need a paper trail or for ss to tell the judge that he doesn't want to spend time there and why
But dh does not want to go back to court.
She's trying g to make ss
She's trying g to make ss think it's his idea. She's tricky and a major manipulator. She's been spinning lies for ss forever!
Here's my favorite bm quote
Here's my favorite bm quote as of late, "I'll never have to pay you child support. Step off makes too much money!"
Unfortunately, if they are
Unfortunately, if they are NCP, they do not HAVE to exercise their visitation. But if you are CP and the NCP is turning down visits, document (try to get her to do so in writing) so that if you DO end up having to go to court, she can't say you denied visits. If she says things over the phone, have your DH send an email or letter just saying something like: "As per our phone conversation on x/x/xx, you said that you will not be able to take SS for the full two weeks you are allowed as visitation because of x, y and z. I am sending you this letter so we both have documentation of such." Send it certified, return receipt requested.
I do know this. But I don't
I do know this. But I don't think bm or dh do.
I have to let it play out. We will meet her Friday for the exchange. She will need to communicate directly with dh (via text as per usual) if she would like an early pick up. Dh will say something g like "it's important for him to spend time with you. He needs you. Your his mom".
And she can give her excuse or whatever.
This drives me nuts when the
This drives me nuts when the NCP gets visitation and then tries to talk the kid out of showing up. Dropping huge suggestions so they start thinking...hey...maybe I don't want to be there the entire time.
Arrrrrgggghhhhh.
I agree with the others. Your H needs to stick to the CO. Tell BM suck it up Buttercup.
SHe figures since she doesn't
SHe figures since she doesn't have to pay child support anyway, why bother taking the kid for visitation...
You can't make BM take her CO
You can't make BM take her CO rights to visitation. Yes, definitely pack the kid up and deliver him for the exchange to her front door (OP, ride along and video tape DH trying to drop off SS for the scheduled 2wk visit). But if the BM refuses to open the front door and allow kid in, there's nothing DH can do it.
It does suck that the lazy not wanting to parent her kid BM won't fess up to the kid the truth. That she's a lazy ass BM who doesn't want to bother with her kid instead of trying to manipulate the kid into doing her dirty work for her ('Mom really wants me to come but she understands if I'd rather stay here and see my friend' :sick: )
However , while DH would be in contempt of CO if he denied the scheduled visit, BM won't be in contempt of CO if she waives the visitation right. I'd be tempted to be very honest with the young teen. 'No SS you can't just stay home because BM says she's ever so understanding, the truth is the court has given BM this time to spend with you and you seeing friends or wanting to do something else doesn't relieve me from taking you to her for the time, no matter how understanding BM says she is. You are going, end of mentioning it again. However on the otherhand, if BM doesn't want you to come and visit, then BM will have to inform both you and I of her refusal to have you '.
Love this answer. I had it
Love this answer. I had it half right, but am going to definitely throw in the rest.