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My Uncle Committed Suicide.....And I believe it was "Step Life" related

spittenfire's picture

I will try to keep my uncles story short.

He has 2 grown daughters and has been divorced from first wife for 20+ yrs.

Both of his daughters have major history of Drug abuse. Both have had children permanently removed from thier care by DFS.
My Uncle ended up adopting his oldest daughters 2 children B17 and G16 when they were little, when they were 7 and 6. So legally they are his "kids" and also his grandkids. His oldest daughter also has a 3 yr old that she had custody of.

My uncle was dating this woman we will call her "Jill" for 4 years. As they got more serious my uncle started leaving the kids alone more and more often during the day and evening. Now they were old enough to not have a sitter, but more time was spent with his girlfriend. The kids started calling thier mom and telling her things they needed or wanted to do because they could not get ahold of papa. So she started taking more and more responsibility of the children she had lost. The kids never felt Jill liked them, she and and my uncle would do things with the church and tell the kids they would not want to go as there would not be kids....then she would post pics to facebook and there were kids that were there and involved. My uncle became more and more withdrawn from his family.

1 year ago he got engaged. He did not tell his daughters or his grandkids. By this time he had sent the grandkids back to live with thier mother. They found out about his engagement through Aunts and Uncles.

10 months ago he got married and his daughter and his grandkids were not invited.

3 months ago my uncle started having more and more problems with Depression. Told his daughter she could not have her medications (for MS) delivered to his house anymore as Jill would think he was choosing her(his daughter) over Jill. Threatening suicide, refusing to take his depression meds, having a crisis of faith....

3 Weeks ago the 17yo boy makes some kind of accusations against his mother that results in all 3 kids being removed from her custody. The 2 oldest who are leagally my uncles kids get placed with an aunt as my uncle states he cant take them. The youngest gets put in foster care.

2 Weeks ago a meeting with DFS they tell my uncle the 2 oldest are his responsibilty that he needed to take them back or find appropriate arrangements for them, and that his daughter was not an appropriate arrangement.

1 week ago tomorrow his wife comes home to find my uncle has hung himself.

I am just so hurt and confused and angry. I know what it can be like to be a step mom and have people assume you are the problem. And i know that his grandkids and daughter had problems...... he was torn between the love for his wife and the love for his grandkids/kids and it tore him apart. No matter what he did he was upsetting someone, so his solution....he took himself out of the equation.

And to top it off my cousin is apparently being told on Friday that they are moving to terminate her parental rights to her youngest so he can be adopted.

I am just so torn....and sad....and helpless


PolyMom's picture

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's difficult when you don't know all the ins and outs of a situation, and especially when they hit so close to home. I'm going to offer you some objectivity, and hopefully it can help you through this.

My feeling is no matter what the situation, your uncle was going to find a reason/way to kill himself. He has two grown daughters with drug problems, he gains custody of his grandchildren, and sounds rather begrudgingly as the woman he marries seems to be the antithesis of his family. It sounds like you have a pretty large family, and he could have at any point turned to someone for help, but did not. Your uncle was 100% responsible for his situation, and in control of of his own actions and decisions. I understand he had custody of his grandchildren because his daughter was out of control, but if he wasn't up to the task, he should have declined custody. But again, he may have seemed fine with it all, but clearly, he was not. Unfortunately, some people internalize everything, and it's too late to help because you never knew anything was wrong.

I know when death is involved, there's always a need to find someone to blame, and understand the reason. And unfortunately, suicides can just be an inevitability of unaddressed mental illness, which is what it sounds like your uncle was going through.

moeilijk's picture

I'm so sorry for your loss, and sorry for such a sad situation.

I strongly feel that suicide is never someone else's fault.

Most Evil's picture

Oh gosh, that is terrible!! I am so sorry to hear. Sometimes people just get tired and don't see a way out of their problems, it is so sad. I hope he and you all find some peace in this some how. I will pray for you all Sad