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MEAN SD KEEPING GRANDKIDS AWAY FROM DH AS REVENGE

climbinghigher's picture

I've been married to DH for a little over a year and a half. I have suffered the meanness from his daughter from the beginning. She has 3 kids and my DH helped raise the oldest two which are boys. They are 9 and 11 now. She withholds them from time to time from him just to spite me and 'punish' him for spending time with my kids and grandkids. I have had enough and told her so. I've gone out of my way to treat her kids well and have kept them at our home far more than I've ever had my own grandkids. My husband is so depressed over not seeing his grandsons. Hard to deal with this.

climbinghigher's picture

Wow, I really appreciate your honesty and straightforward response! Believe it or not, I read this twice and had to agree with all of it. I was married for 26 years to an alcoholic and married DH not long after our divorce. I probably do need a support group to help overcome the codependency in my relationships. My DH's relationship with SD and his other two children is his responsibility. I will step back. Thanks for your advice.

sterlingsilver's picture

I agree with step aside, just listen and then get on with your life. My ss19 is all drama and always NEEDING daddy and dh just listens to him (most of the time), says to him, been there son and it sucks but you gotta grow up, and then hangs up the phone. I then listen to him for about 5 minutes about ss and his issues, I make a non threatening comment about something, then we just get on with our day. Your sd is not yours and it's not your deal, just let dh handle it and if and when the grandkids come over have fun with them and be thankful to return them to their parents! Now's the time of life where you can enjoy hubby to yourself!! You are newly weds, go on a cruise, vacation or just sit under your trees in the back yard with lemonade and enjoy not having young skids to have to raise Smile His adult kids are his problems!

climbinghigher's picture

Thank you sterling silver....Can't tell you how much it helps to have advice from people who understand. I have let the comments and jabs and insults get under my skin since the beginning. Didn't really know better. No excuse now. I will enjoy my husband. He's a good man Smile

oneoffour's picture

The only people who can change the situation is your DH and his daughter. I would start by contacting her and apologising for overstepping your boundaries. Reiterate that her relationship with her father is something for them alone and tell her you will not interfere in the future. If she accepts your apology or not is up to her.

Then follow the advice above. Let your DH know you have apologised and hand his daughter back to him to deal with. See, right now you are his buffer. You are there to absorb his daughter's nasty attitude and he can let some of the responsibility fall onto your shoulders.

So step back. Let him work out how to deal with his daughter. He may be upset over not seeing his grandsons but it won't kill him.

climbinghigher's picture

One of four.....I took your advice although it was hard to apologize because I'm sure the reaction will be hateful when she receives the text. (She doesn't answer the phone if I call) However, it was also freeing because it is true....their relationship is 35 years old. I am only 2 years in. I can't fix what's wrong nor should I feel responsible for it. I will also let my DH have free reign over his relationship with her and just listen (and not emotionally engage) when he is upset with her or missing the grandsons. Thanks for the advice.