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Love is BLIND and deaf and completely Stupid!

Slavegirl's picture

So heartbroken. so tired, so stuck.
DH gave very promiscuous SD 13 a phone for Christmas. I, knowing she would soon have herself pregnant or killed, put a texting and calling monitor on it which DH okayed.
Since DH gets terribly offended by me suggesting SD is not perfect I only notify him if she is doing something that's gonna get herself pregnant or killed.
Anyways, I saw on the news that a 13 yo ran off with a 55 year old man whom she had been messaging with inside of apps so I felt compelled to tell DH that I can't see messages sd sends inside of the apps cuz i knew he would blame me if anything bad happened.
So DH told me to look thru SD phone and social media accounts. Tonight I gave him report of what i found cuz i knew he was dying to give pitiful acting SD back her phone. I showed DH
1. Where creepy older men were following her in apps
2. where she told a stranger where she lived after they asked her where she lived.
3. Showed him that she cusses like a sailor when messaging people in apps.
4. Showed him an app she downloaded that erases all her messages in every app at the touch of a button.
5. Where she had read 40+ teen written books about teens in very sexual relationships.
6. Where she put a password protection on her texts and pictures
7. Told him SD gave me fake username and passwords to her FB and Instagram accounts
8. Didn't even point out that her profile pics in apps are of her butt since that was obvious.
After all that DH asks me "so after looking through everything in the phone did you find anything bad?"
I couldn't believe my ears so I said "Yes!" and went in a circle again about what all is dangerous and bad. I felt like i was talking to a 3 year old. and STILL DH asks me if I found anything bad. I sighed and told i was just letting him know and he angrily responds that he doesn't understand what I showed him that was bad.
At this point I realize DH is out of his mind and slowly inch away to my bed to cry that I married such a wuss, blind, dummy. Who loves his DD wayyy more than me and would rather his DD be preyed upon than man up and stop being her bff.
I'm SICK of always being the bad guy. DH always has ME go thru her phone cuz "im the tech savy one" not that it's hard at all to look thru a phone. So SD hates MY guts and tells everyone im evil cuz I'm always the one that "tells on her" SD Does not respect me at all and yet Im stuck in Dumbville because I stupidly had a child with dummy husband and I would NEVER be able to cope with leaving my young DD with Dummy H and SD who hates DD and jokes to her friends about wanting to shoot DD.
Telling DH tomorrow im no longer going to waste my time monitoring SK phone and he can be the bad guy and wont be my fault when she gets herself hurt. Knowing him I should prolly write up a contract..
Thanks so much for being here for me steptalk people. It's so GOOD to know I'm not the only one that has to go through with this unnatural mixed up crap called mixed family's and Blind, deaf husbands.


SMto3's picture

Just curious but which app deletes all messages from all apps?

As for your situation, my advice would be to disengage and allow to happen what will naturally happen. Don't involve yourself and don't worry more about the kid than he does. I'm sure she'll turn out great! }:)

Also I'm not sure why you view it as "he loves DD more than me" because the love he has for you should be totally different than the love he has for DD. He loves DD like a daughter, and you like a wife. Don't compare yourself to skid.

Slavegirl's picture

I can't remember the name of the app. The icon was a picture of a blue shield and she had another app called "clean master". I feel like he loves her more because He takes her out alone on dates to movies, out to eat and to the gym two or three times a week but when i ask to go on a date with him he refuses. Also he defends her bad behavior and runs to her side if she is crying about wanting a new this or that and then buys her whatever she wants. If I cry which is rare like once or twice a year he doesnt even bother to ask why and just ignores me. He checks on my FB messages and texts but doesnt check his daughters. Ive never once done anything to make him suspicious or not trust me while SD has been caught sexting and with boys in her room.

SMto3's picture

Aw Hell to the no no!!! No! That is not okay. They shouldn't be going out alone on dates, unless he asks you first and say no, then they can go. But you should ALWAYS be asked first. He also doesn't need to be taking her to the gym! Can't she go alone? That's just strange to me. You need to tell him that the best thing he can do for his daughter is model how a man is supposed to treat a woman, then he is supposed to treat YOU like gold and show her how a woman should be treated. All he is doing is allowing his daughter to carry his balls in her pocket. WTF is up with some of these men? I'm so sorry for you! xoxoxoxo

Hello Its Sami Jo's picture

SD13 is doing the same thing. I found most of it and her pparents agreed to ban her from Facebook. BM2 won't because it's her "therapy". BM2 recently found her instagram where she's skyping with men and "in love" blah blah. BM2 wanted to ground her by taking her to the movies. Her reasoning was she didn't want to punish everyone else...she is the only other person...I told SO I don't care anymore and if she gets pregnant I won't support her and if she gets kidnapped he and BM2 can go search the woods on their own.

I hate steplife.
If this were my kid things would be so different and I'd have some control of the punishment and follow through.

BM2 is probably proud that her daughter is becoming a skank. Condoms are in the bathroom and I'll get her birth control. Fuck it.

Slavegirl's picture

Ha! That reminds me of when my SD made fun of an autistic girl and kicked her in the face. H yelled at her briefly, SD cried so he took her to movies and bought her subway. (I was in the middle of cooking dinner when they left)

Slavegirl's picture

If my Daughter did that she would have her butt spanked and be grounded for a year and I'd make her that autistic girls personal servant for a year.

Slavegirl's picture

Not that I want anything bad to happen to promiscuous SD but H could use some time in the slammer.

Redredwine's picture

Wow. Just wow.

In my situation BM has control of the skids phones and won't put any parameters on them "because we don't have that kind of problem" after DH offered to set up some things. She thinks he's just trying to wrest control of the phones away.

We are trying to protect teens from things that seem safe but aren't. For example, my own DS jailbroke his phone while at a friend's house since the friend showed him this "cool thing you can get on your phone if you only do this-this-and-this." It took me pulling up the apps he loaded and showing him the help screen where it said "now that you have jailbroken your phone" right in the explanation.

I'm the mean one according to DS as I have controls on his phone. Discussed it with both ExH and DH first. Both agreed. I don't check much and it's really boring...which is GREAT. It means I can check a bit more randomly, but I still check and I still pay attention.

I cannot believe your DH is in such denial. Did he think it was YOUR phone? (ha, ha, ha, cry, cry, cry)

The only other thing you should prepare for, and you'll prepare for it differently depending on whether you own the house outright or jointly and based on your own situation: what you're going to do/say when she's pregnant? Or when she runs away? Or when she's abducted? Or when her picture is all over with internet with strangers? Will she be allowed to live with you anymore? Will you move out? Are you going to try a last-ditch effort and talk to DH about getting her birth control?

This is NOT GOOD. I cannot believe his reaction.

Redredwine's picture

I feel I should mention that DS has had a phone for a long, long time and is usually responsible. HOWEVER, he did screw up. I found a bunch of texts about me where he called me all sorts of bad words because of stuff I was making him do (like chores and a family outing). He promptly lost that app. And it was a popular one all the kids use. Too bad. You abuse it, you lose it. He cannot talk to me or about me that way, or do that to anyone. Pointed out to him he's lucky he got to keep his phone. (I also rechecked the restrictions on it.)

Slavegirl's picture

My SD has said horrible things about me and her 3 yo half sister (our DD)  in her texts to her friends. I ignore them because I know she is wanting a reaction since she knew i was monitoring her texts. Her dad first gave her a phone when she was 7! 
She has sexted several times.
Asked older guys for pictures of their privates.
Tried to get way older guys to meet her at city pool.
Told way older guys her address multiple times.
Video chatted with strangers and told them where she lived.
Invited boys to her bedroom at night.
and all that was before she even got this new $300 phone her Daddy gave her for Cmas.
Her Daddy knows all this stuff and stil gives rebellious sassy daughter the $300 phone.
We are already paying $600 a year for ADT to keep boys out of her bedroom/her from sneaking out.

Slavegirl's picture

Wow, my SD has done the same thing (blamed it on a friend that stole her username and password) all while crying and H beleived her. SD has yet to give us her real username and password for her accounts and yet H already gave her back her phone. In my opinion giving kids access to phones and internet is worse then letting them smoke and drink. smoking will give them physical problems but the internet can get you raped, killed, lifetime emotional problems, child pregnancy, bring them to become suicial the list goes on and on. Hoping they somehow ban Phones from minors soon. Im sure it will take lots of rapes and deaths before that will happen tho.

Slavegirl's picture

Sorry, idk must have pressed a wrong button on my computer. Didn't know how to change it back besides restarting the computer.
I did, I set up a different monitor on it and showed H how to use it and the username and password and told him he can monitor it now. He had a confused look on his face. Doubt he will ever check it.
But at least it's off of my hands now.

oneoffour's picture

I am old enough to not put up with that crap. I wonder what Nancy Grace would do if this girl ever goes missing or is gang raped?

If I was in your shoes I would be plotting my escape now. I would not like to be in the middle of that shit-storm when it explodes. In fact I would be calling the local cops and reporting her for broadcasting child porn. Because that is EXACTLY what she is doing. And the silly little thing isn't even getting paid.

Slavegirl's picture

Lol, I kind of already have. A while back I wrote up a list of everything I would need to do and pack. I just need something like evidence for courts that would keep our DD from staying with my H and SD alone. H doesn't pay attention to DD anyways. He just stares at his Ipad when he is actually home and yells at her if she does something that irritates him or gets in the way of him and his Ipad.

Shaman29's picture

Document what has happened with your SD and use it as leverage to keep him away from your DD and get the eff out of that house. File for emergency custody and only supervised visitations.

Hello Its Sami Jo's picture

I thought I would get some negative comments for what I said. Seems like it's normal for teenage girls to act like this and the parents to ignore it.

When I vent to my family I just aay at least I'm learning what not to do for my children. Although I kind of thought it was common for parents to at least react to this type of behavior.

I just don't get it. I thought we were supposed to teach them right from wrong and protect them, even from themselves.

When I first caught SD I asked herif she thought it was ok. She told me there was nothing wrong with it and it was just pictures. I asked her if she'd send her dad those pictures. "Eww no he's my dad!" If they are "just pictures" why not show your dad your 'developments'.

Someone on here said they aren't raising a child, they're raising an adult that they'll have to send off in the world. I couldn'tagree more.

SO and BM2 are raising a teen mom with multiple baby daddies and a welfare dependant.

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

My SD15 does inappropriate stuff on her social media. I had to quit following her on Instagram two years ago to save my sanity because her parents did nothing to stop her and two years later its worse but its not my kid so not my problem. I was like you. I had the same fears. Lamb to slaughter but the parents have to act.

And my partner takes his daughters out on dates too. He took them out individually to fancy seafood restaurants and japaenese steakhouses and even bought SD15's adult woman girlfriend a $50 Valentine gift while he took me to the Clock once at 9 at night because he didn't want to wait for me to cook and I got nothing for Valentine's Day. I have a baby with my partner. And while some people on this site like to say that I did it on purpose to entrap him and get him to marry me, I shut him down when he talks about marriage after that behavior. I tell him I support myself financially and really he benefits from me financially and that I can and will leave at anytime if he doesn't straighten up. I'm not going to marry a man who is going to treat me so disrespectfully and that no one is trapped by dd7 months and that means me too!!!!!!

After that little talk, he now takes me on dates about once every two weeks.

And I tell him that we aren't going to raise DD7months how he and his ex wife raise (or don't raise) his 15 year old

misSTEP's picture

Similar situation with my SD acting inappropriate on social media. Both parents knew. Nothing done. (She was posing in half nude selfies with her boobs hanging out and pretending like she was 21.

End result? Pregnant at 16. Two kids by two baby daddies by 20.

Slavegirl's picture

Because I would never be able to tolerate H and SD having my 3 year old daughter for weekends without me. SD is a psycho who jokes about abusing and shooting my 3 year old and my H would most likely let psycho SD babysit my daughter. She has had boys in her bed with her in the past. Not letting my Daughter be exposed to that nastiness. Plus im sure H and SD would let DD do all the things I don't approve of just to spite me.