Holiday weekend with Skid
Am I the only one that dreads having their skid with them on holiday weekends? I love 4th of July but over the years SD and BM have made it one of my least favorite holidays. This is one of the "shared" holidays in BM and DH's CO. Halloween is the other "shared" holiday. Meaning that my dumb@$$ husband signed a CO stating they would spend these holidays together with SD *bad*. The first few years I went along with it and of course BM always convinced DH we had to go to her city for it. However, with YDS and ODS I decided screw this. That is their agreement, not mine, and I quit playing along with it. It would be one thing if they actually had a civil relationship but BM is hateful/vengeful/controlling and a narc so it grossed me out to watch her pretend to be MOTY and cordial when deep down I knew all of her real behaviors/feelings. Hard for me to fake nice with someone like that. I told DH that he could go to the shared holidays and spend them with BM and SD but me and the boys would not do it anymore and if BM wanted to come to our town to trick or treat but I wasn't dragging my boys to her town anymore for it. At this point SD was older anyways. Then we started taking SD to fireworks on July 3rd instead and telling BM she could take her on July 4th if she wanted so that was nice.
I'm not sure how this year will play out though. BM's town isn't having fireworks b/c of COVID. My town is but not the festival and not at the normal location. They will be set off from a location that is viewable from local parking lots and they expect people to watch from their cars which I completely understand. The fireworks are on the 3rd instead of the 4th. I'm wondering if BM will try to force herself into watching them with us since her town doesn't have any. DH thinks that since they are on the 3rd this won't happen. I don't put anything past the crazy.
Plus after DH's regression back into guilty daddy consumed with entertaining and feeding SD on Father's day weekend I am just not looking forward to this weekend at all.
Yes, I know I can just leave my own home and take my children if I don't like it and disengage. Also, I do want to see fireworks with my kids and DH. I just know that SD's behavior will be over the top b/c she always ramps it up a notch if there is a holiday or get together.
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Comments
Exactly, getting a divorce
Exactly, getting a divorce usually means that you DO NOT have to share any time like that with the ex anymore. Usually the whole point of divorce. I didn't know DH when he signed off most of his parental rights in a CO custom designed by the looniest BM of all or I would have told him don't do it. DH's SM told him not to sign it but he did anyways. He just wanted away from his ex but he screwed himself basically with the CO still forcing him to spend time with her. This is a DH problem now because I will not force my kids to go by their agreement. BM acts like this was "in the best interest of SD" but really I feel like it only confused SD when she was younger!
I've never heard of shared
I've never heard of shared holidays before, how odd. I know some parents love Halloween and hate to miss it, but the 4th of July? Why that one?
Anyway, BM can watch them in your town from her own car, lol.
I'm pretty sure that "shared
I'm pretty sure that "shared holidays" are only a thing that my DH's BM has in her CO. She customized it to a T to control him even after a divorce. When I read what he signed off too I was in complete shock. This is just one of the many whack a doodle things she has in there.
LOL, agreed, sure BM come on over park 6 ft away and SD can sit with you
That's shared holiday thing
That's shared holiday thing is really bizarre! I sort of understand it for Halloween where you both take the kids trick or treating because that only happens once and it can be a really cute experience. However kids don't go trick or treating forever and how is that split how I get day going to work when they're twelve and don't feel like doing it anymore?
It is bizarre and like I said
It is bizarre and like I said I'm over it. I also kind of understood Halloween when SD was little. I didn't want to miss out on my child's cuter years of trick or treating either. However, I absolutely do not get the 4th of July. SD is currently 13 and has continued to trick or treat and probably will forever b/c she functions on sugar and carbs. That is why I drew a line with DH on that. Cool, you want to go to BM's and trick or treat with your much older child and miss out on YDS trick or treating (our shared child) that is up to you. I did not agree to this and never would have so I'm not obligated to do it. Plus a lot of times Trick or Treat is a weekday. I'm not shuffling my kids around on a week night and messing up their schedule to appease BM! So, at least the past few years DH told BM that if she wanted to do this "shared Halloween" she could come to our town.
Whenever SD finally gives up trick or treating than it will just be a normal custody day. Whoever's day it is to have her will.
Has he ever skipped one of
Has he ever skipped one of these shared holidays or considered it? 5 more years of this crap. I just couldn't.
Yes, he has skipped a few,
Yes, he has skipped a few, when I told him he could go but I wasn't going to anymore he didn't want to miss out on YDS's Halloween and then he found the work around for the 4th where we just take SD somewhere on the 3rd and tell BM she can have her on the 4th. That is why I still have some hope. I mean SD is 13, her trick or treating is no longer cute, she should be going with friends if she wants to continue not mommy and daddy.
I used to love any and all
I used to love any and all Holidays and go all out.
i now hate all holidays and would rather just skip them....even Christmas. It's no fun having every holiday have skid drama.....
Same! SD has basically
Same! SD has basically ruined most holidays for me. Whether they are shared or not. First it was always drama with BM trying to get her to follow the CS and let DH have SD for holidays, then it was the shared holidays and now it is all of that plus SD's behavior. I used to LOVE Christmas the most and now I dread it. I know it will be filled with DH worrying only about SD and overspending on her when she is already overly spoiled and then her being a little entitled brat with no manners. If she were my child I would be so embarassed by a lot of her reactions at family outings/etc. Christmas is usually the worst though!
UGH your sd is bad enough.
UGH your sd is bad enough.
The shared holidays now that she is older is...bizarre. It's icky when young...but at 13? *pukes*
But the fact that your husband is more worried about sd than your shared bio... ENRAGES me. Why only her?? What makes her more worthy?
Yes, SteppedOut, that is what
Yes, SteppedOut, that is what ENRAGES me also! It is because SD and BM have successfully manipulated him into this guilt ridden ghost of a man and SD has all this power from it and she knows it. It doesn't matter what I say or do he doesn't see it and doesn't think it is happening. I can tell you that it most certainly is and the only person that can't see it is him!!! She is not more worthy. She is the least likeable child. Maybe he feels he has to make up for that?!? IDK, but I'm over it!
Oh and go figure...SD decided a slumber party was more important than daddy time on Fri and so on Sat DH told BM that she could take SD to fireworks if she wanted b/c we already went on Fri and weren't going again. BM chose not to keep her take her so the "shared" holiday is only important if BM can infringe upon our time/family with it!