Weekend visitation issue/question
My fiance and his ex have a shared parenting plan and a new issue has been brought to our attention.... weekend visitation and the alternating schedule. Altough the kids spend every night with us during the school year, their mother has retained the title of residential parent for visitation rights only. When November rolls around and his ex gets the kids for Thanksgiving, there is a question about the weekend rotation. You see, November goes as follows... her weekend is the 1st weekend, his is the 2nd, her's is the 3rd, his would be the 4th but it's Thanksgiving & she gets it this year... the debate is over the 5th weekend (or the 1st weekend in December). His ex is claiming that because his weekend falls on her holiday, he forfeits his weekend and the schedule remains as is... meaning she gets the kids 3 straight weekends... the 3rd weekend, his 4th weekend as it is Thanksgiving and then again on the 5th weekend. My fiance believes that the rule of alternating weekends means his ex would get them the 3rd weekend, his 4th weekend as it is Thanksgiving and then they go back to alteranting weekends and he would get them the 5th. Anyone have experience with this issue?
I do.
You forfeit the weekend if it falls on your regularly scheduled visitation period. The following year, the other party forfeits the weekend. That's the way it's always worked with my DH and his ex. It always comes out in the wash.
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Wow!
That sucks! So not what I was hoping to hear! Thanks for your input though. You see, they've never stuck to the whole holiday rotation schedule before... that is until we got engaged. And no, I didn't break up their marriage... she did. I came along much later and yes, she does live with someone else now too... or should I say always has. Now she's pulling out the book on us. Which is fine, if she wants to be that way, then go ahead, she has the right. I work with a lady who does it the other way... an evolving weekend schedule and not a static one. If she has her son for two straight weekends, the next automatically goes to the father. So, I wonder if it is up to the couple then?? All I know is that our county rule only specifies an "alternating" weekend schedule. There are no specifics on what happens when a holiday falls on your weekend. Anyway, thanks for your post!
It actually doesn't Suck
it allows for planning without too much confusion. We have 50/50 Friday to Friday.. allows for weekend transitioning. Holidays alternate years odd and even. If there is a schedule change we swap weekends but keep the whole annual schedule in place, so back-to-backs do happen. The only time we swap is if the kids are needed to be here for a family event and its the other parents schedule. DH and I plan all of our outings around the kids schedule.
The only problem we had in the past was when BM was counting overnights was scheming to have the kids 100% and thought if she had more she would get a raise in CS. When she found out that wasn't true (in our case) she backed off. Now we just go with the flow and try to cooperate.
I'm glad it works out well
I'm glad it works out well for you, but it doesn't work out so well for us. Not seeing the kids for 3 to 5 straight weekends, doesn't make for a happy daddy. As I'm sure when BM won't get to see them for 3 to 4 straight weekends (as it will NEVER work out that dad gets them for 5) she won't be happy either. And you used the word cooperate... again, the only time she cooperates is when she is the only one who benefits. There is no such thing as a compromise with her, unless we are the ones compromising everything to meet her unrealistic demands. We are not dealing with a reasonable, rational person. And I do see back to backs happening and can appreciate that, but missing out on a month seems so unrealistic, especially when the children are young. I will continue to help my fiance look for an alternative solution because it is my understanding that the luxury of shared parenting is that nothing is set in stone. Everything is left up to negotiations until the final agreement is signed... and then of course, that is only good until someone chooses to go back to court... again.
Are you saying
that right now the placement is from a temporary order and not final decree? (Everything is left up to negotiations until the final agreement is signed... and then of course, that is only good until someone chooses to go back to court... again.) Sorry if I jumped to conclusion
If that is the case, you can change the schedule to something more workable. Preface the schedule with what is in the best interest of the child and you will win court approval. Rather than saying, not seeing kids for 3 to 5 weekends, doesn't make for a happy daddy. Say, it is better for the kids to see their father and mother on regular intervals and not be away from either for such long stretches. It also provides for a consistent schedule that will help the kids adjust...
50/50 while I think is valuable, the kids do get sick up not knowing where they are going to be and hate bouncing from one home to the next. DH's kids were on a weird schedule when we first met and for the 1st 6 months of us dating all he did was complain. E.g., one week they would come on a Monday, the next a Wednesday... always leaving things books, violins, homework behind, blah blah blah. He switched to Friday to Friday. The kids could settle in over the weekend if things were forgotten we had the weekend to recover and it did not interfere with schooling. What we found is that the kids grades and attitudes improved. Even BM liked the new schedule.
There should be
verbage in there stating that holiday schedules superceed the existing schedule, meaning if a holiday is yours and it falls on the other parents normal day, they lose out... it is a bummer unless it falls in your favor. Next year it should.
Daddys Gurl
It's Better To Have Loved And Lost, Than To Have Spent The Rest Of My Life With THAT PSYCHO!!!!
Thanks...
That totally sucks because it doesn't seem to work out the same ever! You see, she will get them 5 straight weekends at the end of the school year. That seems totally unfair! His weekend will fall on Memorial Day weekend, so naturally she gets those three weekends. As they do a different summer schedule (no parent can have them for more than 2 straight weeks), she claims the first two when they are out of school, as they do not spend the night with her during the school week. Which leads to 5 straight weekends... not to mention how much time he'll lose between Thanksgiving and Christmas... I know it rotates and one year he'll make out and the next he won't but it doesn't seem right. Of course, being an outsider, not much about the whole custody situation does. It never really seems to be about the kids and what is best for them. Oh well, I guess there is nothing that can be done...
sounds crazy but....
But is it possible to negotiate with her since she will be missing out as well next year? Maybe if she realizes that she'll not get them next year like you won't this year she'd be willing to work it out. Quid pro quo....
I know what it's like to try to negotiate with an unreasonable person, though. I just thought if she thought she was getting something out of it, it might be worth a shot.
Good Idea
If you can get her to compromise. We are doing the same thing right now with Halloween. It is to be "shared", but it is a Wednesday this year... BM's day. So we will ask her if she wants him this year the entire night, and we will take him next year the entire night... rather than us taking him trick or treating for an hour and having to drive a half an hour to her house, then the same issue next year but the other way around. Just makes more sense... if she says no, then so be it we stick to the court order. But it is worth a shot.
Daddys Gurl
It's Better To Have Loved And Lost, Than To Have Spent The Rest Of My Life With THAT PSYCHO!!!!
Oh, we try to negotiate and compromise but
but she is most definitely unreasonable! her idea of a compromise is getting her way... especially now that I'm around for good (or so I hope ; ) She can only see the short term benefits. there is no explaining the big picture to her. I will definitely suggest a compromise to my fiance but doubt it helps much.
MMMMM Bummer.
Worth a try though I would think. Sorry she is so unreasonable. I am sure that makes this whole "shared parenting" thing close to impossible.
Daddys Gurl
It's Better To Have Loved And Lost, Than To Have Spent The Rest Of My Life With THAT PSYCHO!!!!
my DH sees them on the 1st
my DH sees them on the 1st and 3rd weekend, if there happens to be a 5th weekend, he doesn't get them, that's what's in their custody papers. Since thanksgiving is on the 4th weekend he won't see them, unless it's for like an hour or something because she brought them by.
I don't know how yours are
I don't know how yours are but our custody papers say that when the parent has a holiday, they get them for that day. So if it's your weekend then she would get the child for Thanksgiving day but the rest of the weekend would be yours. Does that make sense. I know that's how we do it here.
Ours is like several of the
Ours is like several of the others...
We just lose our weekend. We are in the same boat the plan states that one parent gets the child from the evening of the last day of school before break and keeps her until the evening before school(unless of course it is her moms year to have her then she just stays there) so this year we will not see SD6 for 3 weekends( it totals to be like 4 weeks) it sucks but last year it was the other way around we had her for like 3 weekends in a row. The other parent doesn't relize how hard this is due to the fact they have them during the week so even though they have lost their weekend they still see her during the school week so it really just sucks on our part because we don't get to see her at all.
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