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Sam2's picture

So early this morning my DS called that the light had burned out in his room , went down and replaced it with a light blub from another light and went back to bed.  This morning we got ready for work and school and left telling my DH that the light bulb in the other light needed replacing and I didn't know where they were.  Apparently the light cover fell from the one I replaced and broke on the floor.  Needless to say when we got home today my DH told DS that he could'lve gotten a lamp or something instead of replacing the light bulb.   It upset my son .  Now I do think my son is being a bit sensitive , however, I could bring up to DH that I didn't suggest his 17 year old change his own sheets when he peed in them at 4:00 in the morning and called his dad to come and change his sheets. I could also bring up how I found a broken bottle in the basement from his 17 son or 22 old daughter that I cleaned up.  I could also bring up the time his daughter complained about a issue my daughter and I were discussing that was bothering her however when  I asked him and his daughter to stop discussing the election and putting the other party down as it was upsetting my daughter , it resulted in a huge fight with DH asking that if my DD had issue with things she could move out.  Needless to say I am wondering how to bring this up, whether I should bring it up with him as I do think my son is being a bit sensitive and we will be talking.    Vent over. 


1dad4kids's picture

I wouldn't bring it up at all. Your DH sounds unreasonable but it's honestly such a minor thing. It's clear something else was bothering you both. 

But FTR what 17 year old would rather have their parent change their peed sheets instead of doing it themselves?!? How embarrassing!!! 

stepmomnorth's picture

I would mention to both your son and partner that it's a good quality that your son acted independently and is able to do things for himself, it will get him far in life to not rely on others. I would not being up about your step kids irresponsibility, but would focus on the positivity which is your son being independent. 

ESMOD's picture

Ok... a few things to unpack here.

1.  Yes.. it might have been better to ask you to change a lightbulb when everyone was more awake (I read that like he had to wake you up in early morning hours)... where you might have had more time to either look for the correct bulbs.. or be more careful when switching out the others.

2.  BUT... honestly.. shouldn't the person he be upset with is you?  I mean... you were the one that made the executive decision to switch out the bulbs and were not careful when putting the cover back up (it happened to me.. heard a huge crash in my living room.. my glass dome fell off that light one night.. haha).  Your son just presented you with an issue.. and you could have also said.. "hey"... I will get to it tomorrow.. thanks for letting me know.   I would also say that at his age, I would have known where the lightbulbs were and how to change them.. but I'm Gen X lol and that's a separate issue.. in this situation.. he came to you and your solution was for you to change it so he shouldn't be blamed for your decision.

3.... and.... I will throw out another possibility here.. I wonder if the cover fell when your DH went to put in the new bulb because HE wasn't careful.  Instead of being mad at himself and taking responsibility.. he backed it all the way up to being your DS's fault because he made the original request to have his bulb changed. 

4.  All the history?  leave it history.. deal with the situation at hand.  It isn't helpful and potentially inflammatory to say things like.. if this was wouldn't react this way.. if it was SD.. you would have changed it.  etc.. 

5.  And the situation at hand is this.

DH, it is not DS's fault that his bulb burnt out.  He told me about it and "I" decided to switch the bulbs out.. not him.  It's not his fault that the cover on the light fell either.. he could not have possibly known that would happen.  In the future, I will be sure to leave all these issues for you to deal with and I will get DS a flashlight to use in these kinds of situations.  But, blaming him for something I did.. by ACCIDENT... is unfair.

as far as your son being upset.... I think that it would be "nice" if your dh apologized for blaming him for the light breaking.. and that he was just frustrated that it happened.. but that he knows your son didn't cause that to happen on purpose.. and hey buddy.. we will get you a flashlight so you can get around if I'm not here to change it.

And.. I think you could explain that your DH was likely upset about the broken cover... and sometimes people say things they don't fully mean when they are upset... that you know he didn't intend this to be the result...but that sometimes things happen.