I couldnt bite my tounge!
this last weekend i was photographing a wedding, and the bride who was 5 months prego had me show up at two when the hair and make up did because she didnt want me to be late...anyways, so i was sitting around basically for quite some time before they were ready for photos...
the bridesmaid starts talking about how her ex was invited but not his gf, but when he sent in the rsvp, he rsvp'd for the two of them, and the bride was so annoyed, but relented and let the gf come. The bridesmaid (also the bm) goes on to say that she is so hurt and cant deal with when she has to see her child interact with the gf, and shes glad her daughter is not at the wedding. She also says that when she was talking to her ex the gf was answering things and did the same for ex mil. She also said that she was heart broken because her daughter said mommy bm, and wonders if she says mommy sm to the gf.
so they are all talking about how horrible this soon to be sm is, blah blah, poor bm etc...
i couldnt help myself... I say, actually im a step mom, and i find it quite offensive that you feel that way, and im curious if you ever thought to think how she feels? Do you think its fair that she is un invited because you are uncomfortable, that she should stay home while he is here? If you had moved on and your bf couldnt bring you to a friends event because his ex was there, would you be happy?
Also, when you and ex were together, did you answer questions for him? Yes, was her answer! I said, well then, this woman is now in a relationship with him, do you feel she doesnt have the same rights in a relationship with him as you did? Why should she change her relationship just because you exist?
Lastly, i can only speak for myself but if this woman is nice and respectful to you, then i can say that she is in no way trying to replace you, nor does she want to. She is trying to care for the child when she is around simply because she loves the father. she chooses to care about her well being she is not forced to, and for that she should be appreciated. I have a step son, and 50% of the time i am the mother figure in his life, weather bm likes it or not. Thats part of what you sign up for when you get a divorce! I cook for, clean up after, teach, wash clothes, the list as we all know goes on...anyways, so i say, i do A LOT for ss and if he wanted to give me a name like mommy nikki, then i would love that! not because i want o be his mother, but because to me it shows that he appreciates what i do for him, and values me in his life! Wouldnt you want some one you did things for to acknowledge you? Would you want this woman to stop doing everything she does for your daughter? wouldnt that be selfish?
everyone in the room suddenly had light bulbs going off! SM 1 BM 0
the biggest part to me is, why do these bm's still feel that they get to control the life of FH/DH/BF? Dont they get that when they got divorced they eliminated this right?