How do you deal with this? Gotta get this off my chest.
Can someone answer this question - DH fiance of 2 years - constantly lies to me - or shall i say tells "white lies" - gives some of the information but not all - when it comes to communication and obligations he has agreed to with his EW. I dont get it - relationships are supposed to be built on trust and honesty. Everything else about of lives is great except the EW. She constantly calls him at work, on teh cell phone (which I pay for). Very rarely calls the house unless SS is here - then she calls the SS 5-10 times per day. Just went through mediation and mediator recommended coparenting classes. That was 3rd week of May. My youngest graduated from HS on 6/1. DH went out of town this past sunday and gets home tomorrow night. In the mean time - he left an envelope on the mailbox addressed to his mother last sunday before I took him to the airport and he told me it was medical release forms for his son. Sounded fishy so when I got home, I openned it - he was mailing his mother the attorneys last bill because apparently he couldnt pay it. yes - we maintain separate funds - he is over $84k in debt from his marriage which ended in 2001 - but took over all the debt. Anyways, he didnt even talk to me about the money or how to pay it. Just sent it along. I was fried over it - didnt trust me enough to talk about it and figure out how to pay it. That's that.
So onto #2 - the day before he left - EW sends him an email about the coparenting therapist and info indicating cost is $175 per hour for 10 sessions and when "their" first apointments are. I just flipped - she has wanted him to go to counsleing with her since he left her - and no - he didnt leave her for me. We started dating 3 years after their separation. Anyways, we discussed it and agreed that if he went - I should go with on the first session. So he responded that we wanted me there for ALL sessions. So come Monday morning - I have to drop SS off at his EW house and dont hear anything from either one of them. Then come monday afternoon - get an email from the counselor sent to the EW with cc to me and the DH indicating I cannot be in the first session and will be brought into the second sessions. Then EW calls and leaves numerous phone messages and nasty grams on DH cell and work phone (that I am not supposed to know about because he hasnt told me - but I do). And at the same time EW has communication with the counselor acting like she is so cooperative and I just think this is just a load of bull!
I dont want to go to this counselor - #1 we cant afford it unless I pay for it - which I am not going to. #2 it should be a counselor we jointly pick and not one because she is the most expensive. Anyways, in talking with DH he indicated that he did not commit to anything.
So DH comes home tomorrow and as I have been researching co-parenting (found out classes are offered by variety of places including schools, adult ed, community service groups, etc.) was reading info that in some cases divorced parents will agree to go to coparenting class together as part of mediation. So I ask him when he calls tonight - if there was any agreement and he said no - only what was in the mediation report. I saw the original report and it said they could go individually. So he doesnt sound convincing so I am thinking he is hiding something. So sure enough, we received two letters in the mail from his attny today - I openned them - yes I felt ashamed but I had this nagging feeling. And low and behold - copies of what EW and DH agreed to at court. Guess what - he agreed to go the counselor EW identified and to pay half of all costs. NEWS TO ME!!! So he lied again. So then I go to his document drawer and start pulling out all his attorney stuff (he only put it in the drawer because he didnt have room in his brief case for his laptop) - and another BOOM! A transcipt like document indicating what EW and DH agreed to. He lied to me again....or white lied. I am having such issues with this. He comes home tomorrow - I dont know how to handle. I am like walking on a thread. Our issues have been EW calls him all the time at work over stupid non-emergecny stuff, she calls me names, and she is abrasive and puts SS in the middle. I dont know how to deal with this - I cant see paying $1750 for co-parenting at one place that follows the same principles as another place that is more affordable. ARe there options here? I dont know what to do - I;m thinking how hurtful lies are and I need to confront him tomorrow.