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Another day....

rozzann's picture

Just a few things I want to rant, I mean vent, about today:

1.  I know I can't control what my ex does but it does NOT mean I can't be annoyed that my ex and his mother, who is like my BS13 and BD11 mom when they are at their dad's, spend such a ridiculous amount of money on my two for Christmas.  I just bought both kids new winter coats last March.  BS's was from Hollister and BD's was Columbia.  NICE winter coats.  Apparently they needed new ones because they got 2 new coats for Christmas.  Extremely irritating.  They also bought BD a $400 bike because her other bike (that wasn't even 2 years old) wasn't good enough.  This is because just like their dad, they don't take care of anything and leave it outside to be ruined by the elements and then just go buy new.  Well, grandma buys the new for all of them.  She enabled my ex to not grow up and be wasteful.  They bought BS a snowboard, helmet, goggles, etc.  and he has NEVER been skiing or snowboarding or anything!  We live hours away from the closest ski resort!  Just ridiculous.  How about putting money away for their college?!

So they received the normal $500+ in gifts there and come back to our house where we spent $30 on thoughtful gifts and we are taking them to indoor waterpark next month.  I do not believe in spending more than $100 per child for Christmas anyhow because it is not the reason for the season.  It just burns my a$$ that they constantly give them their every whim and are teaching them to be entitled brats.

2.  DH allowed BM to come for an hour on xmas to see SD6.  Warned her that there was a video recording her and no whispering.  (We are currently in court for her being emotionally and mentally abusive).  Couple of hours later DH and I are watching the video to make sure that BM didn't do or say anything during her hour.  We see SD sitting on couch while we are in the other room.  Then you see SD pick nose and wipe it on her pants.  I point this out because I had just noted to him an hour before that I had to wash OUR DD's stuffed elephant because it had buggers on it from SD.  When I pointed out the elephant bugger he said that it was probably from DD. I noted that DD didn't have a runny nose and SD did.  Then he says how that's just normal kid behavior.  Yes.  It is.  HOWEVER, can you please address it rather than ignore it?!  GROSS!  She will let snot run down her nose and not blow her nose until you tell her.  Even though she can feel it.  It is disgusting and embarrassing.  Just now I heard her sniffling and asked if that was her or DD.  She said she didn't sniffle.  I told her to go blow her nose anyhow and, shocking: SHE HAS SNOT POURING OUT!

3. I asked SD to go hang up her ballet stuff in her closet on a hanger yesterday.  She goes up to her room and a minute later comes back down.  I know she didn't hang it up because everything takes her an eternity to do and that was much to quick.  I asked her if she hung them up and she says yes.  So I go up to look and surprise!  Not hung up.  I came back down and asked her to go get me a hanger.  She brought a hanger down.  I said 'Now that I know you know what a hanger is, why did you not hang up the stuff like I asked you to do and lied about it?'  She says nothing, like normal.  I said that she could go get me her new barbies and such on her floor of her room that she got for xmas and was playing with.  I then put them where she could see them.  Then asked her if it hurt her to see them sit there and not able to play with them.  She said yes.  I said good, then you know what lying does to you and others.  Every time you lie you are either hurting yourself or someone else.  And you keep choosing to do it the past few years even after you know it is wrong.  DH finally got home from work a couple hours later and I told him about it and asked what he wants done in the future.  Of course he says that I can handle it however I feel best.  

Basically, he doesn't want to deal with it at all.  Later before she went to bed I said he needed to address it with her so I am not the bad guy in this situation.  I heard him ask her why the stuff was there and that lying is bad, blah blah blah, for about 30 seconds.  Then he sent her to bed.  DH parenting sucks and causes us to argue ALL the time.  Mostly beceause I can't even discuss Stepbrat's behavior or how he should address without him feeling like I am picking on her when I am simply asking him to PARENT her! And Stepbrat saga continues.  

4. It is xmas break and I am a SAHM so even though my older 2 are at their dad's I am stuck with stepbrat ALL DAY and my DD.  So I spend my day making sure that Stepbrat plays nice with DD and that she doesn't pick her nose and wipe it on stuff, blows her nose, washes her hands and basically behaves like a civilized brat while DH is at work.  I need to go return xmas stuff but this would require me to take Stepbrat with, which I hate doing.  

Xmas break with stepbrats = misery.  

Okay, rant done for now.


tog redux's picture

I would not ever agree to raise someone else's kid for them. Make him parent more!

STaround's picture

OP is SAHM with two older kids from her first marriage.  Unless she is getting CS to cover all their costs, if they decide to stop sharing stuff at home, then I think she has to pay for everything for her two kids, including share of rent or mortgate and food

Iamwoman's picture

Are there any local playgroups that SD can hang with for a few hours every day? Maybe through or a church?

Did you agree to be a SAHM to SD or are you just stuck because you wanted to be a SAHM to DD?

Can you drop SD off at her mom’s home during the day and DH picks her up after work? She really isn’t your responsibility, and it’s weird that she has two parents yet spends most of her time with you. Maybe mom should be babysitting.

rozzann's picture

I left work full time after DD was 5 minths old and we had problems with a reliable sitter.  It just so happened that it was 6 months after we got custody of SD.  So it was handy that someone would be home after school was out instead of paying for daycare.  BM is currently not allowed to be with SD by DH decision after we found out BM was emotionally and mentally abusing her.  So we are in court for that right now....

So no, no one really to keep her a few hours except maybe the MIL.  Only SD turbs into stepbrat after being with the MIL.  The MIL treats her like a princess and doesnt acknowledge any of her bratty behavior and gives her whatever she wants.  So that isn't a help overall for me - only for the time stepbrat is gone.

I don't like being the responsible person for her but I know DH has to work to support us for at least 2 more years until I'm done with my bachelor's amd DD is a little older.  Just sucks.  If he parented her or ANYONE besides me would parent her I think it would get better.  He and I argue over this all the time....

Iamwoman's picture

Ugh. That does suck. My own mother did the same to DD15 when she used to spend time with her. It may soften your thoughts to know that it could just be a grandmother thing... I eventually decided to not care anymore when DD15 came back from my parents spoiled. It was still time away from me.

The girl’s grandmother has a closer biological tie than you do to her. Maybe she should step up to the plate for her son and help out more?

I feel you on the schooling. We are six months away from DH’s graduation with a bachelors, and it has been a long, grueling 6.5, soon to be 7, years of him being in school. We went through times that felt like pure hell, including where I watched his younger son a lot.

I also felt frustrated that skids demanded more attention than DD. I remember often wishing I could just have alone time with my own child. However DH did put OSS in after school care because he was too PAS’d out to even consider obeying an adult. My MIL has been of no help at all. She apparently can handle skids even less than I can, and she is their biological grandmother!

Even though you’re saving money, it may be worth more to save your sanity by putting the SD in childcare if no biological family members are willing to step up and help.

rozzann's picture

I would love to put SD in childcare when not in school but it isn't financially possible.  That, and we live in the country so there isn't anywhere close.  I have managed to get my MIL to take stepbrat to her extracurricular one day a week which is a nice relief.  

Here's a great example of a day in my life *insert a crying smiling emoji face*:

Go to start vehicle to warm up and find out that the battery is dead.  Decide to use spare vehicle (husband's vehicle because he has his work van).  (Please also note that both vehicles are 15+ years old with +230k miles - so it is NOT like we are living it up).  Have to move DD carseat to other vehicle.  All done outside in screaming cold wind because we are in the country and park in drive (husband's work tools and old vehicle in garage).  Left toddler in playpen in house with SD6 while doing switch.  Finally get to leave and head to exchange pair of boots DD received for xmas.  Fight toddler DD in cart.  Remind SD6 repeatedly to move out of cart's way because her and the cart can't fit side by side down aisle of store.  DD refuses to sit in cart seat and like every toddler, is being a pain.  SD repeatedly reminded to stay by me but NOT next to front of cart.  Repeated this 8 more times.  Find different pair of shoes to exchange for DD.  Find new pair tennis shoes for SD (hers were extremely cheap and originally bought for play but ended up needing for school when no money to purchase new school shoes).  Have her try on new shoes, box says 13 - perfect. Check toe, good to go.  Finally go to check out, fighting DD in cart.  Go to leave and find that DD's mittens are missing.  *Insert mom sigh equivalent to borderline mom meltdown*  Go retrace steps.  Find mittens. Leave store.

Let SD wear new shoes out of store.  Notice she walked funny on way into house.  Check the shoe box - 13.  Realize didn't check the SHOE TAG - 2!  *Insert another sigh after realizing it is 30 minute drive and annoyed SD never said they were too big and now have to be returned*

Ask SD to come hold shoe up to her foot and notice they are way bigger and she must have had foot slid forward when I checked her toe and I was too preoccupied with keeping DD in cart.  Ask SD if they are too big and am told yes.  Then explain that she has to SAY SOMETHING!!!  *dash1*  *dash1*

I mean, why WOULD SHE TELL ME THAT THEY ARE TOO BIG?!  That would be common sense, right?!  OMG.  Every. Day. Head. Against. Wall.  

And I will let DH know I need to go back there tonight or tomorrow morning and he will act like it isn't a big deal and that these things happen.  Yes, these things happen ON OCCASION to other people.  BUT in our house and from SD it is ALL THE TIME!  NO COMMON SENSE and everyone just ignores it because she's 'just a child.'  


Okay.  Rant over.  For now.