We live in the areas that encountered subzero temps a couple of weeks ago.  This caused every parent's worst nightmare: schools closed.  Three days of BS(13), BD(11) and SD(6) home.  Oh, and the schools now give out digital day work where the kids have homework to do at home and can email teachers.  Great. 

Day 1: I print off digital day homework for kids and after breakfast, for them to do their work before disappearing to their rooms for the remainder of the day to play on their electronics or whatever. (Typically I would care more about this but I am in school online and have my own homework to do that I do normally while they are at school).  BS did his homework after an argument.  BD did her homework.  SD sat and stared at her homework - not wanting to do it and definitely refusing to ask for my help(her mom killed that a while ago).  Her dad told me to have her do her homework with the other two, so I did. I told her she could sit there all day - made no difference to me - and that she would be in trouble from her dad when he got home from work if she didn't do it.  Early on I even tried to help her but she refused to do more than sit and stare.

After hours of her not doing it, I sent her to her room and let her know that she would be in trouble when DH got home.  I did manage to video record her on my phone to show him that she wouldn't even look at her homework but stare into space. I couldn't bear to have her lump of blankness any longer at my dining room table while I was doing my homework.  Told her to sit on her bed - no playing because she is in trouble. DH gets home, I told him that she refused to do her homework and that I sent her to her room after letting her know she would be in trouble and then I showed him the video.  DH calls her downstairs, tells me to ask her the question I asked her in the video that she refused to answer.  Of course, she answers right away. Then he proceeds have her do her homework and there was no punishment for disrespecting his orders to do her homework earlier or for being a brat to me.

Day 2: I print off homework.  BD ends up having attitude and getting into trouble. BS does his homework and SD, again, sits and stares.  I explain that she has to try.  I had decided that day to have the most patience with her and that I just wanted to help her get it done.  Nothing.  End up standing her in corner for a bit.  Nothing.  Try to explain to her that her behavior is hurting herself and that when she does these things that she causes disrupt for everyone in the house and that we all just want her to be happy and part of the family but she keeps fighting it.  BS and BD caught part of the conversation I was having with her on their way out the door (their dad came to pick them up) and both tried telling her that they do not treat her dad, their stepdad and my DH, disrespectful like she does to me all of the time and that it hurts their feelings.  BS and BD left and I was left with SD.  I finally got her to do some of it and then it was like a lightswitch flipped and she decided to not answer my efforts of helping her anymore.  For the homework question she was working on she was to list an arctic animal and list a few facts about it.  She chose polar bear.  I then explained to her that facts are like size, color, what it eats, etc. and asked her to tell me a few things about the polar bear.  She refused.  After 10 minutes of trying to get her to do it I decided I was done and told her I was calling her dad.  I call DH and tell him and he gives the excuse that "she probably doesn't understand the question."  Eyeroll by me.  She understand the damn question, she was being a b!T$#!  He then tells me that 'he doesn't have time for this.' Which sent me through the roof as I pretty much hung up on him.  I then sent her to her room but before she walked off I turned her around and asked her "just out of curiosity, what color is a polar bear?" and guess what?!  She answers right away, "white."  I said "So you knew and were just being mean by not answering?" and of course she says "yes."  I was furious. 

DH gets home and calmly explain to him that I am done.  I am not going to handle her bratty behavior and disrespect.  She is HIS daughter and problem - not mine.  That i really tried today and that I only want the best for her and I am tired of no one else, specifically, him and her mom, trying to better her.  From now on if school is out or he has other things to do that take him away from home and aren't work - he takes her with or handles her.  He gives the excuse about how she is behind because of her mom, and blah blah blah.  I said that she will never get better if he doesn't start doing something about it.  And if he won't do anything or doesn't want to deal with her - then send her back to her crazy stupid messed up mother that messed her up to begin with.  I don't care but I will not be dealing with it anymore or the excuses for her behavior and that he allows her to disrespect me by not dealing with it the previous day by having her apologize for ignoring me. I then told him to make sure and ask her what color a polar bear is when she comes down to do her homework for him.

DH goes up to talk to her.  I didn't hear much.  She comes down to eat dinner and then I go to give DD a bath and so I couldn't hear much that DH was saying to her about her homework.  However, he must have asked her what color the polar bear was and she answered.  Giving him a perfect understanding that she knew for me, too, and was being mean.  So then I heard him asking her if she knew it and that she was being mean and it was not okay....blah blah blah.  Either way, at least he figured out that she knew and understood the question and just plays like she doesn't really well!  

He later told me from now on that she is to stand in corner in trouble because when she is sent to her room she just plays.  And I said okay but I'm not dealing with her and he needs to explain it to her because she will not listen to me and needs to know the orders are from him and not me.  He said he was going to talk to her.  She came down after getting ready for bed he explained to her that she can no longer behave that way and that from now on when she doesn't do what I ask of her that he told me to put her in the corner and then to tell him once he gets home and she will be in trouble with him.  He also said she will do her homework the next day and he told her which problems to do and that I will not help her and she needs to do it after breakfast.

Day 3: She eats breakfast and magically, does her homework.  She didn't follow his homework directions, shocking, and he handled it when he got home.  

Since then, he has taken her with him twice in the past 1.5 weeks to do his running.  And he even took her to her extracurricular activity and didn't assume I would take her.  Progress.

She seems happier.  Except now she won't let our DD have any time with her dad without being in the way.  Sigh.  

At least DH is finally holding up to his end.  The other day I asked her to fold and put away her laundry and when I checked over an hour later she had done 3 things out of the basket.  So I put her in the corner and informed her that her dad would know about it when he got home.  DH got home and I reminded him about him stating he would handle her.  He went to her room and told her to do her laundry and not leaving her room til it's done.  15 minutes later he went to check and shocking, she had been playing and not doing her laundry!  Hahahaha.  I was NOT surprised.  He came out of her room with a handful of barbies and toys and confiscated them to his office.  FINALLY!  I was just glad that he is seeing how bratty she can be and that not addressing it is NOT helping!

Progress....even if it is baby steps.