Wow. And therein lie the perils of marrying someone 4 months after you meet them! Is there a reason you moved so quickly?

This sounds pretty typical for many people on this board. I don't know you if you and DH have a strong enough relationship after only 9 months to weather this blended family stuff. But first step is to talk to him alone about what you need to stay in the marriage. And part of that should be that the kids treat you with respect, and you are not responsible for any parenting of any kind.

Good luck!

When you say "My Room" do you mean that is it YOUR room and not yours and your husband's? If it is YOUR room, put a lock on the door to keep everyone out when you're not there.

Disengaging might help to some degree, but you have a serious husband problem. He doesn't respect your boundaries and he doesn't respect YOU. Disengaging won't change his lack of respect, but it may help your sanity.

I have been the SK in this situation. My mother began dating a friend she had known for a decade in September. By October, he moved in. They were engaged by November, we moved into a new house in December, and they were married in May.

To say that my siblings and I didn't handle it well is an understatement. I went toe-to-toe with my SF several times. I was 14-15 at the time, and the oldest sibling, so I was used to having near-equal adult status in the house. I took care of my siblings while my mom worked, and she leaned on me (probably way too much) to keep life going.

It was a power struggle between my SF and I, and my siblings had loyalty to me. The ONLY reason that all ended was because my mother sat us down and told us how it would be. That things had changed and we had better get with the program. We could be angry, but we certainly couldn't be disrespectful. We didn't have the option to go live with our dad (due to his 24-hr work shifts), so we could either be miserable under her roof or learn to deal.

Being presented with no real options made my siblings and I become respectful. I'd say my brother and I like/love our SF, and my sister tolerates/loves him in a familial sort of way. However, none of us were likely to get there on our own because we were SO emboldened that we were right and that we could fight back. It took our mother having a Come to Jesus chat before remembered that we were, in fact, kids.

If your DH isn't willing to remind his kids that they are, in fact, kids, then it won't get better. In his delusion of lifting his kids to adult status, he has also pushed you down to kid status. He has made it where he rules thw roost and everyone else listens to his dictations. The girls know what they can and can't do. You don't, and so his frustration that you don't just fall in line is being thrown at you over and over.

You need to express to your DH that the current situation doesn't work for YOU, which means it hurts your marriage. That you are willing to compromise on a solution that is beneficial to BOTH of you, but you won't continue to hole up in your room because you don't feel at home. That, even if HE thinks things are okay, that they aren't, and you NEED him to help.

If his continued response is that he doesn't see a problem, he won't do anything, etc then consider getting your own place until all the girls age out. You can remain married if you wish and live separately so that you can do you and he can do him.

That fact that he has alienated the girls from their mother (assuming here that she hasn't done something, like abused them or has a drug problem) is very telling. He wants a Replacement Mom who does all the nanny/maid "mom stuff" while he does the actual parenting. He needed a live-in nanny, and he got one that will warm his bed and that he can wear on his arm in public.

Remind him that you're a real live human being with your own wants and desires from this marriage, and from your home. If he balks at you taking a stand, then realize that he views you as a tool - something to use to make his life easier - than a spouse and partner. Him having kids doesn't give him carte blanche say over your household and marriage, so don't give him that power.

oh no.  NOPE NOPE NOPE.

Disengage immediately.  No announcement, no drama.  Just cold turkey stop - well, realistically it may be more incremental but choose the top 3 things that bother you most and disengage.  No more discussion with anyone about it.

1) If you cannot put a lock on your door then lock your things up.  Get a locking bin for your bath stuff and clothing/shoes.  I have a big plasic bin that I can put a combo lock on that stores things nicely (not using it for my stuff but for stuff in general I don't want SDs or their friends getting into).  Lock up your jewelry too.  I also do have locks on a few laundry room cupboards because certain people kept taking my things from them - household repair items which I pretty much 99% take care of - and by DH didn't back me up.  So I installed locking things and NO more problems. 

2) Do not take care of / help with transportation with SKIDS unless they a) are appreciative and thankful and b) you are asked nicely, ahead of time.  Otherwise, nope.  DH learned this with my VERY quickly once I disengaged from helping at the drop of a hat.  He always asks and accepts when I say no.  He knows never, ever to give a last minute request unless it's a true emergency.

3) Do not stay in your room.  Get out of it.  Go out with friends, do your own thing.  I went out to dinner A LOT on my own when I first started disengaging (dinners were a nightmare for a while).  I learned to ignore certain things and let DH take care of it.  I never allowed my things to be used inappropriately - furniture is not gym equipmet or trampolines, anything left in the living room after 24 hours I either threw away or gave to charity (only after the rule was understood and repeated several times - then if they didn't listen, too bad). 

Good luck - it's difficult but worth it.