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My story part 1

rjdeandg's picture

I have been a long time lurker, well a couple months and created a account a few weeks ago. I was kinda waiting around to see if I recognized BM on here since she is a SM too and I know her SD drives her crazy, but Ive seen nothing so here goes... I have a bd5 and bd4 from a previous relationship and a bd1 and preggo with bs with my current SO. I will start by saying that my situation with BM is not as extreme as some i have read here, she is annoying and likes to have pity parties for her self. She is married to the man she cheated on my SO with(my SO and her were together for 4 years married 5 months), her and her SO have a lot of issues in their relationship, that I only know about because by pure accident I discovered that one of my co workers, knows BM and her SO, and has actually slept with BMs SO when they first got together. My problem from what Ive been reading is my relationship with me sd6 is beginning to go down the path I see some of your guys have. When we first got together BM was withholding visitation of SD for whatever reason she could fathom, and their divorce hearing was going through the final stages, they had been separated close to 2 years.Well come 3 months into our relationship and divorce is finalized and once BM was satisfied with all she got, my SO started getting visitation, at first it was eowe from 9-1 sat, and 9-1 sunday, currently it is eowe 4pm friday-1pm sunday and every tuesday 1-7. my SO completely had the guilty dad syndrome and spoiled her rotten, and she expected it. it was pretty bad, her first christmas with us, well christmas eve, he wasnt sure what to buy her so he took her to the store and told her he would buy her whatever she wanted, whatever she wanted... she got a crap load of stuff and brought it back to our house, well when he dropped her off at her moms that night she gets out of the car and goes running up to BM whining that he didnt buy her anything for christmas, he explained he did and that was all of the things she had picked out, she made a big fit that they werent wrapped so they werent christmas presents so he didnt get her anything. he was heartbroken and angry, thats just one of many many things like that she has done, He has since stopped buying her things altogether because of her attitude.

I think one of the differences from our situation and many I see here, is my SO sees exactly the manipulative ways his daughter acts, the lies she tells and how socially immature she is. Shes very very bright as far as a kindergartner goes but her maturity level is far far below that. He does try to discipline her when shes here, she get time outs, things taken away, made to apologize, the same punishments my bios get. I refuse to take her to the store with me since she runs around jibber jabbering or singing and waving her arms and legs all over whilst running through the store, actually we both refuse to take her to the stores since she did this a few months ago and my SO was witness to it, he was shocked, I was embarrassed. He and BM get along ok now they tolerate eachother and finally both see that SD has some issues.The funny part about that is that all of the manipulation bs and lies and conniving that BM did to my SO, mainly before I was in the picture, BMs SOs XW started to do to them and she saw karma full force, and actually called my SO and apologized for the things she had done and realized she was hurting her daughter. since then she has been a whole lot better.

Onto my issues she has begun to be blatently rude to me, like we we in the car she asked a general question I answered her, she gave me a dirty look and said dddaaadddyyyyy then repeated the question, I answered again as we were in rush hour traffic and my SO was distracted driving, again she did this ddaaaddddyyyy and asked so I looked at him and told him "apparently my answer isnt good enough will you answer her" He started to answer her and I glanced back and shes smirking at me, I told my SO 'and she thinks its funny to ignore me shes giving me a dirty look", he got pissed called her on it told her being rude was unacceptable she got pissy and pouted the rest of the ride to BMs. this may seem miniscule but its one of a thousand things ive dealt with. indiviually they are small but together they add up. Thank you for reading this far ill post number two later

Comments

TweetyPie's picture

Dealing with exes and disrespectful stepkids can be an absolute bear. As long as your SO is on your side and is supportive of handling the issues together, you will be able to get through things a lot easier, though the hurt and the irritation will likely not go away for some time. Hopefully the kids will learn to respect you and accept you as their father's chosen mate and understand that instead of trying to alienate you or be rude, they have the chance to expand their family and have a wonderful mother-figure in their life to love in addition to their own bio-mom. Best of luck!

Kes's picture

Your SD sounds like she is already an extremely manipulative and untruthful little beast. But on the plus side, it sounds like you and your SO are on the same page as regards dealing with her behaviour. I think it's good that you call her out on all her crap, and/or make SO deal with it.