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Raggles's picture

Well it is sd22 birthday today and we dont get on. She barely speaks to me  and luckily we dont live together. Even this past weekend she walked in the room when SO and I are there and totally ignored me while trying to tell SO what to do. 

SO phoned me this evening, after spending the evening with his family and celebrating his daughters birthday. I wasnt invited, not that it matters as i wouldnt go.  However i asked how the evening went and he said fine but oh you didnt get SD22 a card - why not? 

I replied I havent given her a card for the past 3 years. He asked why I havent got over this and I need to be the bigger person. I explained nothing to get over- we dont talk and there will be no card. He asked when was i going to act the bigger person to which i replied I wasnt. I told him it works both ways and for the last 9 years i havent ever had a happy birthday verbally said to me, let alone recieved a card from any of his children. 

What i failed to tell him was... I havent given any of his 3 other daughters after the age of 18 a card, despite that none of his children have ever wished me happy  birthday. 

I am fine with the situation  but it frustrates me that he cant see that things will never change because he allows them to behave like this. The only person it seems to bother is him, why cant he accept things as they are? 



tog redux's picture

I don't get anything for my SS for his birthday, I haven't for years.  DH doesn't expect me to, or for Christmas, either. He's always considered anything I do get for him to be my choice and DH is grateful for it.

Your DH doesn't want to pull his head out of his ass and see what a brat his princess is, so he blames you.

CLove's picture

Munchkin SD13 - Ill buy her stuff, because she is nice to me, but I am quickly getting burned out by the whole thing. We did an entire bday weekend for her, she got money, we took her and a friend out, we did sleep over, etc. Expensive and WORK. No thanks, nada, and then DH gets called names by Toxic Troll. Not to mention all the street fairs and trips where we get silent treatment and pouty mc pouterson.

Im retreating for a while, until the teen years pass, I think.

24 years as a SM's picture

Your DH is being a jerk, trying to push SD birthday on you. I would have sent a sealed card with DH. I found one for my SD Leech this year. The front of the card has "Old enough to know better, too young to give a f*ck" inside I put an itemize list of money that she owes to us and nothing else.

Needless to say DAH was not happy with me, when he got home from Leech's party, he told me that she told everyone at the party to grab a random card from the table, open it and read it out loud. DAH thought Leech was going to blow a gasket,. everyone kept answering her who it was from, since I didn't sign it, DAH kept his mouth shut.

bananaseedo's picture

OMG that is the best card ever lol- well played!!!!   What did your DH say to you after the event? Was he pissed?   OH to be a fly on the wall at that party. 

ndc's picture

He called you after just being at a birthday celebration for his kid to which YOU WERE NOT INVITED and actually asked you why you didn't get her a card?  That's rich.  Keep doing what you're doing.  If this man wanted you to have a relationship with his children, he would have called them on their bad behavior long ago.  

Mountains's picture

For the first 10 years of our marriage DH would use that phrase “be the bigger person” followed closely by “take the high road”... hate both those sayings now.  No, let me be an adult who chooses who to be around.  

Very rich of him to call you about no card to a party you weren’t invited.  Ugh

hereiam's picture

Would he expect you to buy a birthday card for a co-worker, a neighbor, or any other acquaintance that you don't get along with and don't like? So ridiculous. I mean, you weren't even invited but he expected you to get her a card?

I think a lot of people don't really know what being the "bigger person" means. It really doesn't apply to a non-existent relationship.

And if he wants it to fit into this scenario, I would tell him that you ARE being the bigger person by just walking away from anything having to do with his rude daughter.

notasm3's picture

My Dh has not ever pulled the “be the bigger person” crap.  But the perfect response to that comment would be “I AM being the bigger person by not telling SS34 to go eff himself”.