1.  How old are all the kids?

2.  Does he have a custody order specifying visitation?

3.  Is this like it was prior to the wedding?  Or is this wedding excitement?

4.  Did you just move in?

5.  Do you have XH or parents nearby?  Does he have nearby parents?

I get it, we came home to a house full of 5 kids, except SD 13 had run away while we went out of town to be married.  Nothing even like a honeymoon.

First of all, let me share what my counselor told me years ago: the importance of one-on-one time with DH.  What would happen if you and DH took a walk alone together tonight and you told him how much you want some more alone time with him.  Maybe acknowledge that you guys haven't given it enough importance with all thats been going on  but what can we do?  Firm up visitation time (both sets of kids).  See what he comes up with. I don't think you will come off as the wicked witch at all.  You are just a sensible adult woman trying to make common sense arrangements. It's nothing against the SK.  Sounds like you've had a pretty full plate.

Congratulations on your wedding!

CO are your friend and you need the structure that they provide. Kids  are the easiest way an ex can mess with your home. I highly recommend you put boundaries in place that put the marriage first and protect it.  There is nothing wrong with saying no kids on this night, it's date night. Period.  
 

Do you have a child centric home or one focused on the adults?  

Why are you worried that he'll think you're selfish or a bi*** for making what seems to me to be a perfectly reasonable request?  Has he reacted that way before, or does he not typically care about your needs?  If the answer is no, then just come out and tell him what you need.  How will he know if you don't tell him?  If the answer is yes, then maybe you made a mistake, because a partner who trivializes or doesn't care about your needs and desires isn't much of a partner.

I think the first thing you need to insist on (for both of you) is a CO or at least a consistent schedule that is respected.  My DH has his kids Monday, Tuesday and EOWE.  While he and BM will occasionally accommodate each other by switching the schedule around, for the most part I know exactly when the skids will be here and I can plan around it.  Thursday is date night - skids are with BM, my mom watches our bio, and it's our time.  I don't plan anything else for that time; DH knows not to work overtime or go to a skid event (unless it's something of great importance that I was alerted to in advance).  We treat date night as a priority, because it's important to our marriage.  You need to get your DH on board for some priority time for the two of  you, since it's important to you.  And the easiest way to be able to block out time for it is to know when you're going to have kids, and to get your kids on similar schedules. 

The trauma/drama of the past few years needs to be overcome. Men in general hate change but he needs the proverbial 2x4 upside the head.  You made vows that essentially say you will each put the other first.  Did he realize what he was doing this time? Just going thru the motions to get a built in maid/nanny/sex partner?   You have every right to put your foot down and ask for what any wife would want. To have to do it so soon after the ceremony makes me wonder if you two were just caught up in a wave and just kept going.  You really do need time alone with each other , if nothing else than to see if you are truly compatible or just a couple of people  who have been thru hell together.

BTW, disappointment is a reality in life and learning how to deal with builds resilience and self reliance. A crucial parenting job  that leads to kids who launch.  

i dont think you come off as the wicked witch for wanting essentially a 'honeymoon' with your husband.   Surely he would want this chill out time also.   My suggestion ,,, organise all the kids for the weekend yourself and say "come on honey we have it all to ourselves now lets go... or do..." and kindly dont give him any option.

You just got married, congratualtions! Of course you want some time alone with your new husband, that is normal. 

For that it's worth, historically, immediately post marrige the couple take time together, on a honeymoon, to connect as a married couple and celebrate their union. Did you have a honeymoon planned? Did the pandemic curtail this?

Something that bothers me to no end (apologies for my ranting) is that in a "subsequent marriage" the traditional couple celebration can essentially be ignored. The newlywed couple may be designated to forgo their post marriage celebration as though it isn't as valid as any other marriage or honeymoon. I wholeheartedly disagree with that sentiment. 

Sure, some organzation may be required, but the concept of having a honeymoon, or simply time together post marriage, is important. It's a special time in your life, not something you can easily postpone to reinact a newlywed honeymoon, day, or what ever period of time down the track. 

In my situation, my DH and I got married in a quickie daytime ceremony at the court house. We went straight back to work and I was up again at 4:30am the next day for my rounds at the hospital. We had planned a beautiful wedding before SD decided to steal the funds we had put aside for our wedding. My DH said he would get the funds back (I could afford it anyway but it was the principle of the matter as DH had issues with me being the primary provider) and we would have a celebration and honeymoon soon after. Needless to say he never got the funds back (actually didn't even really try but that's beside the point), and we never had a wedding with any of our family/friends with us, or a honeymoon. On our weddding night my SS phoned DH to pick him up as he was out with friends and didn't want to walk home. That's how special our wedding was. No one gave a crap (DH and I aside). Not exactly the "carrying the bride over the threshhold' and romantic night as a newly married couple. 

My advise to you, don't let this go lightly. Even years down the track I still (obviously) have a lot of resentment for how insignificant I, and my marriage, felt. I wouldn't recommend letting it go, as it may fester within you. In stepfamilies there is so much the SM misses out on, even if you also have your own kids. I can't imagine you would want to look back, as I do, at your post wedding time being full of disappointment. 

I was also too concerned about coming off as a horrible person, or demanding, or selfish, to properly voice that I felt our marriage deserved to have some special time together. I regret that now.

Please don't be a martyr and ignore your own needs and wants. Your kids (both his and yours) can seeminly be organised to give you and DH some time alone together. It's healthy, IMHO, for kids to see a marriage given respect. Speak to your DH and express your desire to start your marriage in a place of happiness. That's how most marriages start, yours shoud be afforded the same opportunity.

Good luck, I hope you can have some needed couple time!

I think you're trying to turn yourself inside out and deny your own wants and needs so you don't make your husband mad, so that you don't appear selfish, so that you don't look like the SM witch. YOU know you are not selfish. YOU know you are not a witch. YOU have actual, real, honest needs, and one of those is to feel important and valued by your husband. Of course you want to spend time with him, and not just when it's convenient for everybody else.

It's just not healthy when one person in the relationship is afraid to say what's on her mind or in her heart. A loving partner would want you to be happy and satisfied and would put some thought and energy into to finding a solution. But he's giving up and saying he's "stuck in the middle" without an ounce of effort. That's ridiculous. Your happiness is not less important than his comfort.

Immediately and eternally.  If the two of you don't have regular time for just the two of you just call it quits now and avoid years of tortuous hell.