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Facebook friends with the ex

peachgirl's picture

How do you all feel about your spouse being friends with their ex on facebook?

BethAnne's picture

Depends. If it is an ex who actively tries to sabotage our relationship and has called me every bad name she can think of and constantly hits my husband where it hurts him most (telling him he is a bad father) then it is inappropriate. 

If it is a sane ex who causes us no problems, then I have no problem with it. 

justanotherstepstory's picture

It depends wether or not one still has feelings for the other. I also believe once your relationship gets serious, boundaries with the ex need to be in place (just like boundaries with the parents, in laws, family, etc.)

Kes's picture

No, not OK with it.  NPD BM tortured me for too many years.  She sent a Fb friend request to DH about 5 yrs ago and he accepted.  I found out and told him I was not OK with it, and he unfriended her.   Some things are non negotiable and playing nice with this psycho bitch from hell is one of them. 

Left out mama's picture

Just because they are "friends" on Facebook does not mean anything is going on. 
My SO Is friends with the mother of my SD so that she can see pictures of SD. (She is allowed supervised visits only). They never "like" or comment on each other's posts unless it has to do with SD. 
It also is a way for parents that are exes to stay in contact and keep each other updated with out having to have direct contact with each other.

besides... I have people on my fb friends list that I can't remember who they are or how I know them... does who is on that list really matter? 
don't stress about it. 
 

CLove's picture

No to friends on facebook, which DH loves scrolling and posting on and definitely no to instagram where its all about following vs friending.

Toxic Troll has about 6 different profiles and I taught him how to block her on all of them. She tried following him on instagram and he had to tell her no. Shes a big boundary breaker.

Dogmom1321's picture

No bc BM is psycho and would use it to snoop on us or try to get something dirty for court purposes. 

Dogmom1321's picture

Yes! I wouldn't be worried about the whole "feelings" thing... BM is crazy and would screenshot or twist anything into something to use in court. 

Thefatherismyfamily's picture

No. DH deleted and blocked BM soon after their separation and he deleted all their pictures. I would not be ok with it if he had kept her on there. She's neither friend nor family.

DPW's picture

I'm in the "it depends" crowd. I def would not tolerate it if BM was over-involved and a negative influence on my life.

SteppingOut_2020's picture

No way in hell!  My ex had boundary issues with his ex as it was and couldn't seem to stay away from her so following each other on social media would be a big no.   We're not together anymore so I dont have a say in what he does now but there is no way I would have put up with that when we were together.

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

SO and I both have BM as FB friends. It is a great tool, because BM is BPD it is the easiest way for me to get to her without any confrontation as she stalks our pages. 

Not too long ago she was mad at SO, because he will call her out on her crap. Which is pointless because she is never wrong and she is always the victim. Well, true to form she will get mad and do something bitter and spiteful, usually involving the kids as pawns. So this time she never contacted him, and just decided to keep the kids from him. Now if he called her out on it, he would have been giving her what she wanted which was to upset him, because she was mad at him, she wants to do something hurtful in response. She does not love her kids in the normal way a parent loves thier kids.  She cares about herself first and her kids are supposed to love and worship her. 

So, I told him to hold my beer and watch this! I put up a post on FB showing a trip we were planning on going on for a few days. I enlisted my friends to play along in the comments. Asking what about the kids.  I responded that BM was so gracious as to keep the kids an extra few days and how wonderful it was they were spending more time with her. I commented it gives SO and I an opportunity for a romantic getaway and some much needed alone time. For that added dig, my friend hinted we were trying for a baby LOL!

BM dropped the SKs off the next morning,  no call or warning. But, that's what I knew she was going to do.

MissK03's picture

I do think it depends on the situation...but I think people who are friends with ex's on Facebook (not saying all) use it as a tool to watch and get rises out of each other. My SO    and BM are not friends on Facebook. If they were, we would see all the stuff she does and I don't think she would want that. My SO hasn't posted on Facebook since 2011. I rarely post, maybe 4/5 times a year. Normally a picture of SO and myself and our yearly vacation with skids. He is still friends with some of BMs family and they have liked some of the photos of SO and I and have made some nice comments. So I don't mind. I'm still friends with some of my ex's nieces on there. I dated him from 21-25. I don't see the big deal in that. 

Chelseybychelsey's picture

Doesn't do FB.  But no I have no problem with them being friends.

jules86's picture

I think if there's a non drama relationship between the two, then it's not so weird. But of course this is a rare occassion. My bf wasn't friends with his ex's but he did still have pictures posted with his ex wife (their wedding) and I asked him to remove them. It made me uncomfortable and I felt I had to speak up about something like that, especially if you claim to hate your ex so much. He went and deleted all of them but I can't imagine anyone is that lucky to go through that process easily. 

enjoyyourdowngrade's picture

What this tells me is you do not feel secure in the relationship. The fact that someone is friends or not with an ex does not make them more or less immune to cheating, so it's small potatoes in the grand scheme of things. If they were sending flirty messages to them on facebook or loving their every selfie posted then that would be a different story. The better question is what about your significant other makes you feel so insecure about the relationship? I find in most of these situations it is the fact that you come second, third or fourth in their priorities in their life and the relationship for the most part is one sided. That is never a secure feeling and should not be. However if you speak up, chances are you will be quickly replaced, just like the last one was. Narcissists are prone to quickly replacing their long term partners. Partners for them are placeholders until onto the next and nothing more, no matter what they tell you. A lot of these divorcees with kids are narcissists and its all about them and their precious poopsies. You are nothing more than an afterthought to help them with whatever they need and to provide them with money and free nannying.