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Not sure how i feel about this.

Raggles's picture

Sd20 announced to SO she was off to see BM and could she have some money for petrol. SO of course said yes! - he doesnt know the word no when it comes to sd20!
Anyway he asked why she was going and she said 'to give BM SO his birthday present and card'
I was surprised to say the least.

Sd20 in particular uses everyone for her own gains, doesnt work and daddeeee has no issue paying everything for her without her having to earn this.
I did make a sarcastic comment along the lines of hope he was happy to pay for BM SO card and present as well as petrol for sd to go and see her BM.

what i am struggling with how i feel is - in the last 7 years i have NEVER had a card, present or even a verbal happy birthday from Sd 20 and yet she buys this man presents that she sees about twice a year!


CANYOUHELP's picture

Hi Raggies,

I understand just too well, I was told that was the way the did it in "their" family, guess the SM wife is just left out of everything; yeah, I get it (like you), because she is nothing to anybody and treating her like this fully supported by daddeeeee, the man you sleep with! Funny, how we are good for cooking and waiting on everybody though and not even worthy of a thank you. They only do what daddeee allows them to do, try to keep that in mind. (I hate to believe it myself).

I will never understand this sick parenting style of yes, yes, yes....You will see she will turn out to be a product of this type of parenting, they always do..daddeeee creates his own unproductive monster and has to feed her the rest of her life in various ways. They continue to be selfish, needy, play games, stupid, broke, lazy and begin to up the ante every opportunity; it is cycle that never ends.

Your feelings have nothing to do with with the present or card, these items are only symbolic of being treated lesser/excluded, along with nobody caring how horrible it is to treat anybody this way in life. Your husband allowing it and even financing it- in your case.

You are going to have to protect yourself from this emotional abuse because nobody is supporting you (definitely not your husband). Your husband is NOT in your court, but understand you are not alone; many of us live with the same type of man. We protect ourselves by staying away from the family circus and dysfunction, which is not a great alternative but the best one we have, given no support from our husbands. Disengagement is the only alternative we have to protect ourselves when nobody else has our back.

Dovina's picture

CANYOUHELP, so well said. When daddeee is so far up their precious puffins arse not even a colonoscopy can find them, we need to protect ourselves from this sickness. Distance and disengagement is usually the best recourse.

notsobad's picture

DH is very generous, especially at Christmas time.

For years he gave the skid $$$ to buy presents. They'd buy for him, his parents, each other and BM. He didn't really mind that they'd buy for BM, he said it was Christmas, a time to let things go and embrace the spirt of giving. He's a really good guy.
The first year we were together, no gift for me. Ok, we hadn't been together that long.
Next year no gift for me, again he just let it slide.
Third year, again no gift. He sat them down and said I give you money, so I know you can afford to get something for notsobad what's up? BM told them that they didn't have to buy anything for me! It was DHs responsibility to buy for me. Plus, it was ok last year!

These are good kids who I genuinely like and they like me, they are also young adults but obviously needed some guidance. DH told them that they definitely needed to buy for me and that BM was wrong.
That's all it took!
They buy for me and my kids. Now of course they use their own money and they even put some thoughts into the gifts.

If these stupid fathers would just talk to their kids they could actually make life easier.