You are here

SD8 Mistreating My Dog

PrettyYoungThing's picture

I have been very patient when it comes to my SD8 and her behavior and attitude and her actions towards me, but today, today might be my breaking point. 

When i first met my SD she was never a fan of dogs or puppies or any animals for that matter. I used to joke with my SO about how strange that was because i had never met a child that didn't adore puppies. SD wanted nothing to do with them. My SO has a cute rescue dog that theyve had for a couple years and SD isn't a fan. If the dog were to come up to her or touch her shed freak out and be disgusted. The dog was not gross, dirty, super slobbery, jumpy, or pushy by any means. Super calm and super gentle. She is a medium sized dog. 

My SO and SD moved in with me roughy 6 month ago. My SO parents lived with them prior to them living with me and they ended up wanting my SO dog so they weren't so lonely. He agreed. I have a 3 year old female golden retreiver. She is my service animal and a trained therapy dog for our local childrens hospital. She is amazing with kids. She is used to kids being around and very patient with them. SD has verbally expressed that she likes the dog and always gets excited when we take her places or take her on simple walks and loves giving her treats and having her do tricks. 

But recently my dog has been having some strrange behavior. She has been peeing in the house. She has NEVER had an accident since I got her as a puppy. She has been very skittish. She doesn't show much excitment and is more tired lately. She has been absolutely attached to my hip (way more than her norm) She wont go into SD room unless me or my SO are in there. When SD has gotten her in (using treats) and closes the door, my dog cries until she gets let out. She is my service dog so she is trained to be by my side at all time, however, she is trained as a therapy dog for children as well and has never had an issue being alone in the room with a child before. 

I have encountered a few incidents that are bothersome to me. Last night SD tried to sit on my dog and ride her like a pony. My SO was in the other room so I told her to get off the dog because SD is too heavy and that will hurt her. She continued and tries to do it all the time dispite countless times of telling her it hurts the dog. 

Dinner time came around and SD and my SO were sitting at the table waiting for me to finish up the food and i turn around with SD plate and see her stepping on my dogs paws. Out of reflex I tell her to stop stepping on her paws and that she is hurting her and not to do it again. My SO stepped in and continued to tell her not to and that he doesn't wanna see her do it again. 

Today, we came home from picking SD up from school and as we walk in my dog gets excited and comes to each of us. My dog doesn't usually go up to SD and SD gets pretty angry when my dog doesn't My dog did go up to her today though. But I watched SD windup and hit my dog and walk into her room. I look back now and wish i said something, but I was in total disbelief. I could not beleive SD would do that. I froze up and my SO came up to me and asked what happened. I told him and he wanted to adress it with SD. I told him I wasn't sure calling her out on something he didnt witness would be beneficial to SD. She doesn't take acounability and denies everything. To no surprise when he asked her about it she denied it. I asked my SO if he could just keep an extra eye out for my dog and make sure she's not being mistreated. 

 

 

 

Comments

24 years as a SM's picture

You need to nanny cam your place in all the public areas. I am sorry, but if one of my grandkids ever hit any of my pets, they would be picking themselves up off the ground. I don't care if your DH didn't see this happen, YOU saw it. It's total BS that your DH needs to see something before he will address the issue, that is 100% lazy parenting. If he can't take your word for what happened, then I would be showing him and his little beast the door.

Rags's picture

End of problem.

Diablo

If you will not purge the animal abusing kid, NANNY CAMS!!! Everywhere.  When she abuses, have her ass arrested and institutionalized accordingly.  

Let daddy cry all he wants about that. This needs to be ended before you end up with the next Dahmer.

I am completely lost on your position that DH should not confront SD on something he did not witness.  

Nea

You are an adult. You should have jumped up that dog abusing kids ass with both feet and when you were done with her you should have given daddy clear instructions that he had better be all over her like stink on the shit that she is going forward.

PrettyYoungThing's picture

I have thought about nanny cams, however, that woud mean my dog would have to endure more abuse. Even though it is caught on tape it is still abuse she doesn't deserve. I have been talking with my mom about my dog staying with her until we can get this situation with SD taken care of. 

Anytime my SO has confronted SD about stuff he didn't witness she jus lies through her teeth. She will deny and deny. She will put on the whole show with the tears and promising and endure being "grounded" for weeks. SD has no remorse and no empathy. SD truely believes the lies she tells him.  

It is hard for me to jump in on anything. SD has no real respect for me as an adult. I told my SO what happened and got my dog and went to my room and closed the door. 

 

Winterglow's picture

There's no reason why you can't have both - the dog at yuour mother's and nanny cams to protect yourself because sooner or later, you are going to be accused of abuse ... This kid's behaviour is escalating. 

PrettyYoungThing's picture

I talked to my SO last night about a lot of advice i was recceiving on this. And he already ordered cameras for every angle of public space in our home. And he told BM that is she refuses to let SD get mental health treatment he will file a police report himself for animal abuse. Currently waiting on a response from BM. 

ndc's picture

I'd kick SO and SD out.  Based on all of your posts, I can't see this relationship working out - there are way too many red flags.  Do your dog a favor and get SD out of there.

PrettyYoungThing's picture

It is hard to paint a real picture of our relationship when all I do is come on here to rant and vent about the bad in it. 

Most of the ranting and venting I have done has gotten me really nice advice and new views on the situations. My SO and I have been talking about the changes that he as a parent and as my SO needs to make. He has been super open and understanding about everything and has made a lot of change. 

SD has expressed the want to be with BM full time because there are no rules or chores there. My SO has always been super against the idea and wants to keep his 50/50 custody. After the incidents with my dog, he has been having mixed feelings. I do not want him to sign over full custody, however it is ultamately not my descion. I will support him either way. 

notsurehowtodeal's picture

sitting at the table while you are fixing dinner? I'm assuming you work full time - do you always fix dinner?

All of your posts are full of red flags and there is a second one in this post as well. Your SO went from living with his parents to living with you. So first they helped with his daughter, and now you are doing more than he is when it comes to parenting and spending time with her. You need to take a giant step back and let him be responsible for most of his daughter's care.

I know you don't want to hear this because you are so in love with this guy - but you deserve so much more than this. You are in your 20's - you should be out having fun with your friends and dating lots of different guys - not tied down parenting a child who is not yours. Please make sure you are getting what you really need from this relationship and not solving all of this man's problems.

 

PrettyYoungThing's picture

We both work full time and we take turns with making dinner. If neither of us feel like cooking than we order in or go out. Cooking and baking is a recent hobby i have found so there are some night i ask to cook when its his night to. 

Maybe I worded it a tad wrong. My SO parents had to move in with him because they lost their home in a fire. They have since bought thieir own home and live on their own now. My SO sold his house and invested the money into property up north and we both put our names on it and he and SD moved into my house i recently purchased on my own. The house we currently live in only has my name on it. 

When we first met i was going through that "young wild and free" phase and it really isnt the type of person I am or want to be. Neither one of us were looking for a relationship when we met. It's hard for me to paint an acurate picture of our relationship when all i do is complain and rant and vent about SD and my SO on here. There really is more good out of our relationship than bad. For every bad thing theres a million good ones. It is getting harder and harder to get good solid advice with every negative blog i make. I have thought about sitting down and writing about all the good, but I dont think the internet cares about that. 

I am younger than most in this type of situation, and I know my age has a lot to do with the problems I am having. It makes me feel so alone and I was hoping this community could help me feel less alone. At first i got nice solid advice and input. Now all i get is hate on my relationship. I feel more alone than ever. Even though everyone hates on my SO, he is my rock and keeps me grounded and never fails to pick me up when im down. 

floralsm's picture

I know it may look like everyone is hating on you, but we are not. Please understand a lot of us on here have had years of experience of being step parents, and we are just trying to point out the flags for your own well being.

Your situation has very concerning issues. This post you have put up is now about animal abuse, and your SO still appears to have actions louder than words. What I mean by that is he appears to be doing a lot discussing and no immediate action. This is past talking and grounding SD. If your SO loves you just as much as you love him, he would be not waiting for permission from BM and admitting his daughter to therapy now. He would be moving out of your house to protect you and your dog, and dealing with this properly. I can guarantee love is not enough sometimes, and the way this poor dog is being treated makes my heart hurt. Please listen to all of the advice you are given and have a hard think about the path you are going down. You are young, not married and no children to this man and can still walk away from this. 

PrettyYoungThing's picture

I understand and i really truly do appreicate all the advice and imput people give. Nobody has to take time out of their day to read about my problems and say anything. I really have taken a lot of what people have said and applied it. My SO is also very receptive to the advice given. 

I have made a lot of post within the last couple days. I kind of blew up on my keyboard and threw every nasty incident into a post all at once. So I get why an immediate jump to "end the relationship" is first on everyones mind. Which is understanable, considering I never post anything good. I really have thought about making a post about the issues and what he has done to adress them. I just have a lot going on in my life outside of SD and i just needed a release. I never post on anything. I don't even use social media. But i wanted to find some way to get everything off my chest. As supportive as my SO is, he doesn't understand. Sometimes I feel like nobody does. I feel alone.

My SO did talk about renting an appartment nearby and staying there when he has SD. He knows how important my dog is and refuses to let her leave me. I don't want him to do that. Neither one of us can afford that. But he is the type of guy that would ruin himself finanically to do what he thought was best for me. I wouldn't let him do that to himself. 

For a lack of better words... BM is psycho. BM could give two flying elfs about SD. BM only concen is making herself LOOK like a good parent, not actually being one. BM believes only children that have been physically abused should go to therapy. SO has tried on countless occasions to get SD into some sort of mental health specialist. BM is SD insuance holder and even if he wanted to behind her back and take her, he cannot. BM has to be there. The decree states that both BM and BD have to agree and both be present during any medical decisons for SD. This morning SO sent a stern message over to BM. She has yet to respond. BM has a history of calling and making police reports about just about anything (if youve read a few of my blogs im sure you've read a few occasions) So he had used making a police report about SD abusing the dog in hopes it'll help BM realize how serious the situation is. I personally don't think BM will care, but SO is hoping BM concern for looking like a good parent will oversee her resentment for getting SD mental health treatment. (concern for looking like a good parent as in BM not wanting SD with a "criminal history") 

Love is not enough most of the time. But love, respect, comminucation, and trusting eachother will go a significant way. 

Maybe I'm young and dumb, maybe I am just naive. I really do beleive he will do anything for me, my dog, and SD. He has just gotta figure out exactly what needs to be done and get on it. 

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Your explanation helps clarify things for the better. No one is hating on your relationship. What everyone is trying to do is help you see some of the realities of your situation. Most people on this site have been doing the step thing for years and have lots of experience. They have either been where you are, or have read posts from others in your situation. Read around this site and you will see many stories from step-parents who became very involved in the lives of their step kids and did everything to help them, only to be very disapointed and hurt in the end. We are trying to help you keep that from happening.

 

advice.only2's picture

I'm hoping you both sat down with SD8 and discussed that what she is doing is considered cruelty to animals and that as she ages she can get in serious trouble for doing things like this.  It would appear she has some serious behavioral issues that stem from both the mother and the father being lax in their parenting roles.  That's not to say DH isn't starting to up his actual parenting game, but she's 8 it will take time and attention to help her unlearn bad behaviors she has been allowed to get away with since she was born.   The red flags get pointed out on here not to say your SO is a bad person, but maybe so you can be aware and if you see these things address them and deal with them now, not later after more damage has been done. 

PrettyYoungThing's picture

That's exactly what I told him. I also mentioned that SM are the first human victims. 

Ispofacto's picture

I don't think she has a mental health issue, she's just spoilt AF.  As a result of that, she has no empathy.  Counseling doesn't teach empathy, parenting does.

DH can try parenting her now.  Maybe he can have some influence.  But at her age, he personality is pretty much set.  And BM will be actively undermining everything he tries. 

Like I said, PAS wins, every time.

BM will never agree to counseling, as it would shine a light on her poor parenting.  The police will have no interest in the dog hitting incident.  Taking her to the ER is unreasonable.  It's highly unlikely a judge will like this.  I hope your BM can't afford a lawyer.

 

PrettyYoungThing's picture

I honestly think it is a mixure of both. SO is well aware he hasn't been a good father to SD. He has made a lot of parenting changes and plans to continue to, but he also wants her to get mental health treatment.

(the police report was a tactic for BM. SO thought BM would rather SD to get treatment over a criminal record) 

SO has decieded either way SD is getting a mental health evaluation done. I will support whatever he wants to do. 

Survivingstephell's picture

I'd strip her room , take the sheet down and give her very little freedom when she is over.  Constant supervision and tie it back to her bad choice to hurt the dog.  I might also use my "scary low psycho mom voice " and put the fear of death in her.  No witnesses to that conversation.  Then use that 2 finger , I got my eyes on you move on her when you won't get caught by SO.   She needs to know that you are an adult in the house, you own the damn thing and she will respect you when she is over.   If she goes running to daddy just deny it.  Nothing like pulling the rug out from under a skid like this.   

thinkthrice's picture

Time to either jettison SO and his feral or go to guerilla warfare tactics for self and doggy preservation.

Chef's DD, the Animal Torturer, would shoot toads in the face with her bb gun.  I caught the housesHitter (YSS) kicking one of my cats.  These brats have grown up to be, at the very least, failures in life.