I'm really sorry you feel that way! I can relate to posting things hoping to vent or get it off my chest and ending up feeling attacked instead (not necessarily on this site, although a few times here by pot-stirrers). I will say, I hadn't read your posts, so I just went back and scanned, ready to defend you (I hate when people attack others for posting what they are feeling- it's uneccesary and not helpful whatsoever), but I honestly didn't get that tone from those comments. I can see how you may not have liked some of the advice that was given, but I don't think it was given in an attacking way. I think the therapy comments were meant to be helpful (I think at least half of us in this group go to therapy, including me), and it seems like you are in a quandary, so they thought it might be helpful. I think people here want the best for you, and sometimes they feel that may mean "leave your relationship", etc...even though that's probably not what you want to hear. 

But really, you get to make those decisions for yourself. You get to take some small small pieces of advice that may help, and put the rest on the back burner if they don't resonate with you or feel like the right decision. In the end, people here only know you from the small tidbit you share in your posts. 

Nothing you have said indicates you are a terrible person WHATSOEVER. You are not Worthless! Please just take a deep breath and know that this too shall pass- it's a bad day, but I hope you feel comfortable enough to post again, because I really think there are some good people here that just want to help. Hugs! 

I'd give anything to go back in time and warn my former self not to make the poor choices I made.  No one warned me, if they did, I would have listened.  Not flounced.

And I remember feeling really guilty for hating my SD, but then I realized she's unlikeable, and it's DH's fault for spoiling her.

I certainly didn't post to be mean.

Often times, when you get caught up in an unhealthy relationship, it doesn't happen right away. It's little by little, with lots of gaslighting and love bombing and other manipulations. It makes you question if it's "that bad" or if it's "just you". You see it as "normal" or ok over time.

Sometimes it takes talking others, what you think is not that bad is shocking to others. In turn, when you hear others are shocked... you are shocked at their reaction. 

You are considering giving up the therapy dog you NEED for this relationship. You are thinking it's not "that bad" and maybe you could have a baby with this man. Neither are OK. Not at all. 

I know you want to have a baby, and if you are going to, you have to soon-ish. All the more reason to end this unhealthy relationship and find a healthy one.

I can't imagine your therapist thinks it is a good idea to give up your dog for this unhealthy relationship. 

I saw a lot of very compassionate helpful people making recommendations. That is all. Yes perhaps this is not the best venue for you if you feel so attacked for getting such heartfelt concerned responses. Perhaps pulling this forum up or printing off your posts and the responses to it and Showing your therapist would be helpful? 

I didn't get the sense that people were attacking you at all.

People were/are concerned for you, and are responding to information that YOU provided, some of it is very worrying.

Sorry, but I don't think anyone on this forum is going to encourage you to have a baby with this man...not after everything you have told us about the situation.

I would be surprised if your psychologist thought it was a good idea either.

Look, people are going to post things you don't want to hear... not everyone is going to fluff your pillows...but remember, posters want to support you and give you the benefit of their experience.

Not one person commented on your posts just to make you feel bad. However, no one commented just to make you feel good, either. People commented on your posts in an effort to help you. We comment based on what your wrote. Sometimes more details might change a response. I know you provided more details to something I said and I revised my advice.

Most people on this board are long time step-parents and were trying to keep you from making the same mistakes they have made, or the same mistakes others have made. If you read around this site, you will see other posters who were initially upset with some of the tough advice they received, but who decided to stick around and ended up realizing the advice was actually right on. Sometimes people who are not close to a situation can see it the most clearly - and I think that is what is happening here.

Being supportive OF YOU is not the same as being supportive OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

I had many people supportive of my first marriage mainly because their thought was "well, you haven't left yet, so that's not what you want to hear." Problem was, by continuously supporting that marriage, I felt more and more like I was wrong for seeing legitimate problems.

It took some very bold friends to knock some sense into me and tell me how it was. They validated that I wasn't crazy in what I was seeing. It still took time for me to fully accept that things were THAT bad, because when you've either experienced trauma or are in the thick of it, it's really hard to recognize that something is bad. If it's even moderately better than what we've experienced before, we just assume it's fine versus recognizing that "bad" exists on a scale.

Many of us have been there, done that. If you're not ready to hear support FOR YOU and your well-being, that's fine. But none of us are going to support what we see as red flags in a relationship that we've either lived through personally or seen others live through themselves. Telling you what you want to hear about your relationship doesn't help you even if it feels good.

I had similar experiences, of feeling/being attacked on this site. I took a break from it for a long time. I do get good advice here, so I came back. But I've had to learn there are some things I just don't discuss here. I've also had to remember everyone here has been damaged by the relationships/situations that brought us here. That affects what they say, and it also affects how I take it. Just food for thought.

I'm sorry you felt that the advice many gave was attacking.  Unfortunately, sometimes our realities and our "wants" don't match.  Lots of people on this site have been down a much longer steptalk road.. and many may have been in your shoes.. or at least similar shoes.  When people advise people to "seek therapy".. it's not that they are accusing you of being "sick in the head" or crazy.. but that they can see potential for that process to help you see your options more clearly.. or like in your situation.. where you are a much younger woman with an older man with kids.. with none of your own.. there can be things inside of us we are trying to fulfill by being in relationships that may not be best suited to us.

And.. his daughter sounds very difficult to manage.. and from your description.. he isn't doing much to help the situation..and it honestly would be insanity to think about bringing another child into the chaos that your household experiences with a child that is out of control in so many ways and even semi-violent and abusive.  And the reminder that if you had a child with him.. and you didn't work out that your baby would be in that household with that child without you being there to protect them?  That's an unpleasant thought but it's absolutely a possibility and a reality.  This man has already had a failed relationship right? He is already struggling being a father to the child he has.. what makes you think that it will somehow "work better this time" without some big changes to HIM and his desire to be a good partner to you.. and a better father to his child?

So, while I can empathize with your health situation and the fact that you may not have the longest window for trying to have a child.. the reality is that your current sitiuation doesn't seem like it's a healthy place for you to try to have one.  His child is young... his child is a problem.. and while I understand your fears and drive to be a mother yourself.. you have to see that there is a living, breathing 8 year old girl that deserves to have a father.. just as much as you want to have a baby "with him"... she needs him to be a father to her. 

That's not being unsupportive of someone in "steplife".. but it's a reality.  I'm a childless stepmother myself.. and it wasn't for lack of wanting to have a child.. but it didn't happen and that time has passed for me.. so I get the future regret you may feel for not having a child of your own.. but I also have seen the result of people having children with their spouse when there are already children from a former relationship and it doesn't make things better.. it often makes things WORSE.. and your situation is already pretty crappy.  I see people here in relationships where it's almost like they are raising their kids as single parents.. with their partner's attention and resources going to their "first family kids".. and the stepparent is killing themselves to raise their own in an unsupportive househould.. 

I guess in the end, sometimes we get advice we don't want to hear.. sometimes we get a mirror put in our faces that shows some of our own fault in our problems (and believe me.. I know I have had a full participation in so many of my own problems).  And those things aren't necessarily meant to be unsupportive or mean.   Because, how is blowing smoke up someone.. telling the emperor you love their new clothes how is that helpful?  Sure.. you may feel happy.. "oh they agree with me".. but in the end... encouraging people to continue to do things that aren't good for them? how is that not ultimately more harmful than giving them advice that may not be easy to hear.. but may be the kick in the pants they need to do what is best for them.

Like your situation.. you don't have "forever" to think about having kids.. well.. darn it.. why are you wasting those precious years with a guy that is showing huge red flags about being good partner and parent material.  Get yourself back out there and find someone that is a good match.. because you don't have forever to make this decision right?  And this isn't saying you are stupid or a bad person.. nothing negative.. just that you may be in a situation that isn't going to ultimately get you the life you want and deserve.. so do better for yourself!

Advice is usually one of two things: what you want to hear and what you do not want to hear. But you not wanting to hear advice given doesn't mean it's hateful advice or mean in spirit. I just looked quickly over your post and honestly, you got no cruely meant comments. But I get it, even when we're in a toxic relationship we have a kneejerk reaction to protect our partner/spouse/other from what we perceive as an attack. It's built into our mental frame work. 

Take a day or two then go back and reread. I think you got some kind and caring advice, focus on that and either call out those you do not want advice from or ignore the bad, ponder the good (I'd ponder the "bad" as well but that's me)