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When will resentment start----

prayerhelps's picture

if we continue to disengage? Have been disengaged from SD17 for a few years now, even though DH is PC and she is with us 85% of time. Saw it in DH eyes the other night that he is starting to disengage from my BS16 and it hurt to see that, since he has been only real dad to BS for over 1/2 his life. Any others have to deal with this and possible fall out? Will DH resent, and I resent the other as they don't get excited over happy events w/bios?


SusiQ's picture

Why is your DH disengaging from your son? Did something happen?

I'm reading the reasons why people are disengaging from their skids but the reasons behind are all valid due to disrespect and discord. Is that happening?

prayerhelps's picture

I don't think so. Sometimes BS is disrespectful, but generally is regular teen stuff. I guess more concerned that me having disengaged may cause some resentment in DH towards me---ex. SD got straight A's this semester--this from a girl who has a 1.7GPA, rarely even gets A's (not even in PE). I really wasn't all that excited or even cared. In fact, it kinda confirmed all along that she was just being a putz, trying to make us look bad for custody case (2 since she started HS) that her BM had started. So, no I just stayed disengaged and kept my mouth shut, didn't even say good job to SD

SusiQ's picture

Have you asked your DH why he's disengaging then? The bios I have are with my DH so he really can't disengage from them - they are 3 and 12 weeks but if my children were treating my spouse respectfully and as an authority figure in their life, I would be upset if DH started treating the kids differently.

prayerhelps's picture

Yep, that is it Katrinkie (you are always so wise). DH has been understanding, understanding that it is different for me as a SM, versus him as a SD, understanding that his EX has really done some damage to SD's that put extra strain on any relationship we could have (versus my EX who has supported us all the way).

I have no problem when SD20 comes to visit DH---but usually I just leave the house or find something else to do--am cordial to her and talk to her, but no relationship. SD17 has been a total nightmare, and I KNOW we will have no relationship unless she really makes some self-realizations.

So I have made these boundaries, but DH surely is going to have issues---ex. When first Grandkid comes along. Sorry , but I am too young to be a grandma, DS16 says he is waiting a long time. SD17 will probably be preggos pretty shortly after 18. DH will be excited on some plane to have a grandkid, but to me, the excitement won't be there. Same with weddings and such. I just don't want to hear about it.

So, how can this not affect the relationship, even as understanding as DH is most of the time