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ExH is acting like a crazy BM

Paintcrisis's picture

ExH has gone off the deep end and I’m starting to wonder if I will ever have peace.  We split last fall. I’ve been keeping a low profile since then, until recently. I did go to a fish fry on Friday with a date and all hell broke loose.

 

ExH was supposed to have Mr Toddler all weekend but he brought him back on Saturday after he found out I was stepping out. Apparently some customers of his texted him that they saw me at the supper with a date.

So in revenge, he brought BS back Saturday. He then picked up BS on Sunday and proceeded to psychotext me about my date. He threatened that BS will NOT be around my date or any other guy. . .Or else. To clarify, BS isn’t around any of my dates. LT and I hung out with my older daughter and his kids but never with BS back when.

I didn’t respond since he had BS but he said he wasn’t bringing the kid back if my date was there, WTF?

Then last night he sent a long text about how he raised my daughters and doesn’t want to see me hurt again or anything bad happen.

Today, he sent a text saying to look up my date’s criminal record. That he is concerned for BS’s safety. Date has disclosed his past /DUI/speeding/bad check/ destruction of property but these were all over 20 years ago. I did check to see and it was all there.

I was tempted to ask him how that was worse than ExH’s 2 restraining orders and DVs but I ignored him.

Aaaannnnddd. . . Now he just tried to call me.

Seriously? Someone needs to up his meds or something. I can’t believe he is stalking me like this.

Comments

bananaseedo's picture

He's a whiny little bitc& Ignore, ignore the w*ore! :)  He wants you to engage his nonsense.  If it continues tell him you are documenting his harrasement and will pursue action if he continues.  And yes, DOCUMENT every bit of it, texts-screenshots of missed calls, etc.  You owe him NO explanation of anything.  Are divorce papers completed yet?   FYI- Thanks for your encouragement the other day, much appreciated lady.  HUGS to you!  

Paintcrisis's picture

Good tips, I am documenting.

The papers are filed, just waiting for the judge to sign off on them.

Hope you are doing ok right now.

momof3smof2's picture

My ex acted like this for the first year or so after we split. I cannot tell you how many times I had to say, "who I date is none of your business" or "you don't get to decide who I have around the kids". He seriously had other people spying for him. Random people from our previous church would just drop by my apartment, and then I'd get a call within 15 minutes of them leaving. It was awful. 

Thankfully, he chilled out after a year or so. Well, until he found his own psycho girlfriend. But, that was after years of peace. Hopefully your ex will chill out too. Just keep ignoring and don't let him affect your decisions about your life.

Paintcrisis's picture

It’s so hard not to get scared.  I have been ignoring everything, years of practice.

What’s funny is he is dating too. . .

Sweet T's picture

Hopefully he will find a girlfriend soon. The downside is then they go on and on trying to make you jealous.  Mine was a serial dated start g right after I kicked him out. 

 

Just be careful, this is when they are most dangerous. I can always send my Italian on a road trip to kick some butt. Revive his UFC the bar league career.

Sweet T's picture

This summer we definitely need to try and plan a meet up. Maybe take a road trip and see Foxie.

Shake.it.off.'s picture

He wants a negative reaction from you. When people feel angry, jealous, or lost control they want to make it difficult for that person and act un kind and when they see it bothers you they feel better about themselves.. for a short time until the next situation happens. 
First off remember he does not control you or your life. Keep this is mind and be firm with him but also nice about it. You want to be the "bigger person" as my grandma and mom always told me. Acting maturly about each situation will make him more angry so be prepared for a lot of immiturity on his part but it will fade within time.
I find when two people are at odds and constantly bumping heads and pointing fingers back and forth.. situations never get resolved, and it always gets out of hand. I understand how frustrating it is. When my ex becomes" difficult" i simply reply with a pleasant message such as " I am not getting into an argument with you, talk to you another time" and he sometimes messages me about five times and I ignore it sometimes for days until he contacts me politely. I try not to blame him for much, as i know it gets no where even when I know I am in the right. I just let him relax and think about it. sometimes it works sometimes it doesnt. 
For your child together, be prepared that he may find ways to use him to hurt you if this is his maturity level. Unfortunately there is not a lot you can do about this unless you decided to go to court and have PROOF of him alienating your son from you. Save anything you can just in case. Also keep in mind your son loves his dad despite what us mothers think about the guy we had a child with. Our children don't see there other parent in the same light as we do, and truthfully most average situations  children don't see the other parents faults ( unless its a domestic case involving both mother and child and even then some kids still  want to see that parent) and that even if a mother " talks bad" about the father because she is angry, it truly truly hurts the child physologically because all they see is" thats my dad, if hes a bad person, then i must be too" and that will cause alot of complications down the road.. trust me. I see it often in my job, my personal experiences. Children have to grow up to see that parent for their true colors in their own time and experience. That being said it will be difficult as the father may be putting you down to your son and wanting to devide the two of you, but be STRONG, and mature about it. Explain to your son " sometimes when people feel angry at someone they say hurtful things, and do hurtful things" . Your son will grow up to love you, respect you for handling such a difficult situation  with respect. 
Lastly- set boundaries with your ex. Even if he does not follow them- you can. Do not give him or anyone he knows any personal information about your life. Hide your settings on social media so he can not snoop and if you feel him following you stalking you- contact the police so a file can be open incase you need to go to court. Do not try to make him jealous, or angry.. he needs to accept you have made the decision to move on and " get over it" politely.

Paintcrisis's picture

This is all great advice.

When he texts me this crap, I really want to defend myself but I always ignore it. He eventually stops and will try Mr Nice Guy again for a bit.

I would never put him down in front of little man. Ex would say horrible things to me about me in front of my girls and I’ve seen the damage it’s done to them. I don’t want that for my son.

hereiam's picture

I am sorry that you are going through this, but I am not surprised. I totally expected something like this from your ex.

momjeans's picture

BM used to pull this, too. Once she found out DH and I were dating, and enjoying time together on his skid-free time, she would bring her back to bog down his time with daddy duty. On top of that, she’d then blow-up his phone, calling and texting, while he was trying to care for skid. It was absolutely absurd. I do not miss those days AT ALL. It was a very rough time, in dealing with a needy, jealous, high conflict crazy person. 

Myss.Tique D'Off's picture

And I dont mean STEP-talker. I mean a real life crazy ass nut job!

By what right does he go around messing in your dating life? Under the supposed guise of protecting his toddler? This is controlling behaviour. He is still trying to control  you - who you see, how you react by inserting himself into your private life.