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Tired of being understanding

Oh Canada's picture

I really would love to be "strong" and let my uncomfortable feelings "roll like water off a ducks back" but theres a bit of a power stuggle going on within me.

There's a dichotomy at work here. My mom raised me to stand up for myself - to not be a little mouse over in the corner living on the crumbs of life. BUT (and there's always a but...) good girls are supposed to think of other peoples feelings...bla bla bla.

The bottom line here is this: is griping about the same old situation really going to make a difference? It's still gonna happen in the future. BUT if I don't make my feelings known he's going to think that I'm OKAY with the situation.

The thing that is bugging me is quite small on the charts - BUT none the less - I feel like I'm wearing Harry Potters invisibility cloak around this house sometimes!!! I want b/f to know I'm pissed and not happy about him going to b-day dinner for adult son & play happy little family with his ex & kids. When does that crap ever end??? It just chaps my hide.

Of course the only reason any of this bugs me is because the ex will be in the same room with him. haha. I feel so petty right now.

No - I can't go to family functions - that would mean that I exist and ex - wifey would get upset - in turn upset the kiddys. good lord.

Thank you ladies for letting me vent. I luv you all Smile


Hanny's picture

I agree also. Tell us more, does BF not ask you to go. How long have you been together? And I do think that BF going to grown son's BD party without you is not appropriate. Either the both of you go, or he doesn't go and he does something with his son and you for son's BD. My BF's kids are younger and we don't have family events for BD's, ex does her thing and we do our thing. Only exceptions are for special occasions, graduations, and recently an 18th BD dinner at a restaurant where we all went.

Sebbie's picture

Lovers do not finally meet somewhere, they were with each other all along.

The longer you allow yourself to made invisible as an intricate part of b.f life, the longer you will remain in that position and the harder it will be to break free from the precidence that is already being set. This b.d party is not for a small child who might be unsettled and confused about the daddy/mommy relationship being over,though even in this regard, the child should see that life moves on and mommy and daddy are not together but can share in thier love for him with their new spouses/s.o. This is an adult b.d party and as adults, you should not only be allowed to attend, but welcomed to attend by your b.f as his life is moving forward with you. Your b.f is doing an injustice to your's and his relationship,as well as an injustice to any future acceptance of you by his adult son by playing happy family with the ex at this event. B.F, should either take you with him, or arrange for the two of you to take son to a nice b.d dinner together.Have him request this of son,and if it is unacceptable ask him to decline the invitation, as it would be uncomfortable to him being in the presense of ex alone, and invite son to a wonderful birthday dinner with the two of you.

Mocha2001's picture

I am the same way, and my mom raised me the same way. If you look at my post “ Your perspective, please …” I lost it when we got that email from BM. We had company – just a couple of girl friends, but still … anyway, my first response (just venting) was not nice. We waited 24-hours, and then drafted the response that I will post there shortly. But … it was very hard for me to “take the high road” (I need to learn how to take my own advice). I am an only child, to a single parent mom (dad was a drug addict). I was brought up to be very independent, stand up for myself.

For me it’s that I feel if I don’t say something, DH won’t, and then BM will continue to walk all over him like she always does. DH isn’t a whimp, he’s just very passive, and tired of fighting.

Oh, NO … I would not sit back while DH and BB go to a family function … I’m the wife … the step-mother … I will be there!!!

~ Katrina