In light of another's blog, it got me to thinking.

I have a fairly volatile temper. I can get angry in a flash, but just as quickly my temper subsides. I blame it on being an Aries.

I spent a lot of time in college figuring out what set me off and what I should do to avoid "blowing up". I majored in Psychology, so that definitely helped.

I learned to realize when I was starting to get angry and what I should do to avoid doing/saying something that I will ultimately regret. It took a LOT of work, but it was worth it. I was a much happier and calmer person. Life didn't get to me nearly as much and I wasn't as stressed.

Fast forward 4 years and it seems like all of that hard work has gone out the window. BM makes me so incredibly angry that I can't contain myself. I say things to her that I ultimately end up regretting most of the time. I don't like being mean. It makes me mad at myself, but it feels like I can't help it. I don't know if she's pushing my buttons on purpose to get a rise out of me or I just hate her that much that anytime I think about her I get MAD.

For instance, she was texting me over the weekend. I was ignoring it until she made a comment that my DH was and never would be a father to SD. That he can't even be a steady paycheck for his daughter and provide for her, so what kind of parent and role model could he ever possibly be for her. I, in return, got PISSED and sent "I don't know, but it can't be any worse than having a whore for a mom who has four kids with four different men, cheated on her husband while he is deployed, and has her bf living with her even though she is not divorced. I don't know what your definition of "role model" is, but I hope none of your kids follow in your footsteps" Her response to me was to tell me that she hopes her kids turn out exactly like her. She continued to text after that, but I turned my phone off. I read some of the texts the next day and none of them from her were very nice, although admittedly, not any worse than the texts she had sent previous to my one response.

This is by far the worst that I have ever said to her. I mean every word of it, but it's not something I would have ever said to anyone else no matter how much I despised them. Short of changing my number, I don't know what else to do.

I know everyone is going to tell me to just ignore it or let DH handle it, but do you ever feel like sometimes you just can't contain yourself? That is the way I feel sometimes. Like a volcano that will explode and DH isn't always with me so it's not like I can just hand him the phone and let him deal with it...

Argh.