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Update on parenting plan modifications

Nymh's picture

BM has screwed her head back on and had a decent adult conversation with BF when he was attempting to pick SS up for visitation (which to my suprise didn't happen like it was supposed to, but she's giving us an extra full weekend to make up for it so I'm not that upset...I just wish she had called to inform us of this BEFORE BF made the 45 minute drive to her house...but you can't win them all) about the parenting plan. They both decided that it would be best to try to avoid going to mediation as that would cost lots of money, and if they could work things out between themselves they would both benefit.

They talked about some other things. BM tried to convince BF to drop the modification proceedings, but he told her no. He told her that she should have thought twice before getting the order of protection, or suing him for $3000, or suing him for phone harrassment. He asked her how long she thought he would just lay down and take her walking all over him before he sued for time that was rightfully his. He told her he was sick of her using SS as a pawn against him and this was his way of standing up and telling her he wasn't taking her crap anymore. Suprisingly, she didn't argue with him, because there was really nothing she could say. I was genuinely impressed.

So we got the email from her with her proposed changes to the parenting plan. There were a lot of little nitpicky things, basically she wants everything to stay the way it is now except BF will be keeping SS every other weekend instead of just every other Sunday for 8 hours. The kicker (well, one of them) is that she doesn't think the CS amount should go down. She thinks it's fine for BF to have SS for three days over Christmas break, two weeks during the summer, and every other weekend...which is over twice as much as he gets him now...but she wants the CS payment to stay the same? She said that since BF doesn't celebrate any holidays, he should not need to get SS for any other holiday but would be welcome to pick him up whenever he wanted to on any of SS's breaks from school. Also, she outlined that she does not want SS to be around ME during these visitations. She also does not want SS to be at BF's business because he could be exposed to harsh language or "Ms. Nymh".

The woman KNOWS we live together...she's given him overnight visits before and will be doing it again knowing that he'd be staying with me. I don't understand how she could try to outline that I'm not to be around SS in the parenting plan when she knowingly volunteers to let him stay with us! This just irritates me...she doesn't want SS around me at all and she wants it put in the parenting plan that I'm not to be present during visitations. What? Why? Huh? I don't get it...she knows I'm not going anywhere, she knows BF and I live together, she knows and admits that when I am with SS she can rest easier and know he's getting taken care of. So what is she afraid of? Or is she just trying to piss us/me off? Or start an argument? Or just see what our reaction is?

I'm glad that they're trying to work things out between themselves to try to avoid more unneccessary court costs. I just kind of feel like she's using the opportunity to make some cheap stabs at us and see what our reaction will be because she can't legitimately do so otherwise. I'm also glad that BM hasn't tried to contact me in a few days. Normally she would have at least emailed me saying "HAVE MY HUBBY CALL ME NOWW!!?!?!?!!!&&%$" when he didn't immediately respond to her emails; but she hasn't, which I'm grateful for.

Comments

sosmomof6's picture

I'd have to say that it is her way of seeming to be more reasonable and back down on one issue, while using another one to make an issue of. This is a tactic the BM in our case has often used as well. She'll "offer" something (ie~ more time with SS), but put a stipulation on things that she KNOWS we won't agree to (ie~ I should "get lost" since I'm not SS's mother). Then when BF tells her he doesn't agree, she'll get indignant and say "Well, *I* tried to be nice, but since you won't agree then FORGET IT". Voila~ she gets her way and you're essentially back to Square One. It sounds like a good bet that this is what's about to happen here. But don't back down~ much as she may hate it, you're a solid part of BF's life and she will need to come to terms with it. She cannot ban you from SS simply because she may not like you. How long have you been living together?

loonybonusmom's picture

In reading your other posts Nymph I have to wonder if this sudden change of attitude your bm has had is for real? I understand the costs of courts these days and how hard it is to come up with the money for it, but unless the new plan is registered with the court she can still deny the visits even if she agrees to it with bf. Atleast that's how it works in Canada. By "talking nice" to your dh she is delaying the outcome for as long as she can..especially when it comes to modifying your support payments. It is terrible she holds this child like a carrot on a string. Is there any chance she has had legal advice about your potential intentions here?