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Opinions please.

no1smaid's picture

I have been lurking on your boards reading your posts and advice to each other and I am very interested in what your opinions for my situation would be.

My DH and I recently got into a spat over Christmas in regards to his children not doing their chores that he assigned to them. They will, on most occasions, put on a show of cleaning a room they are assigned to clean up, but in truth only straighten up, they do not actually clean. Two days before Christmas, I was appalled when I found a cockroach in my house. I have never in my life had bugs and seeing it grossed me out and made me feel as if I were a bad house keeper, that "I" was dirty. The bug was in my SDs room, apparently she has been stashing candy from Holiday parties in there, and the bugs found it.

DH works full time. I work full time. We as a couple expect his 4 teenagers to help out around the house. I went through the rooms the (s)kids are responsible for and showed him how they were not properly cleaned. He told me to handle the situation as I saw fit. I hired an exterminator. Bug problem resolved. I then cancelled the (s)kids allowance, and used it to hire a maid to come in once a week to deep clean. The (s)kids are still responsible for their chores on a daily basis, the maid comes in to ensure the place is actually clean, not just topically clean.

The (s)kids are in an uproar because they are expected to work for free (welcome to my world in this house) and feel that if we have a maid that they don't need to clean, that it is her job. My DH is wavering. He understands why I did it but his kids being upset is wearing on him. My side is if I can not trust that you are thoroughly cleaning the room you are assigned to, why would I pay you for a job only partially done? I would rather pay that money to someone who will get things clean, then I don't have to worry about bugs and the added expense of an exterminator.

Am I being unreasonable? Unfair?


MaGoose2010's picture

Hi No1smaid.

I know how you feel, as i am in the exact same situation. I also had to hire a maid because the FH and skid are not in the habit of cleaning up after themselves and no amount of chore charts, rewards, etc etc helped. Ok it was great for about 2 days, then they slid back into their old ways. I am dreading the skid coming back from BM in 2 weeks because my tidy clean house will be reduced to a bug-infested rubbish heap again! So no advice really from this side, except to say that I sympathise and agree whole heartedly with how you have handled this situation!

SS14's room is so smelly & gross that I am tempted to get my maid in there with Jeye's fluid (an extremely strong disinfectant) to scrub the place out before he arrives back from the 'trailer park' But I think that this action would hurt my FH quite badly. He already says that I don't like his kid. So I think that I will get the kid to do it himself when FH is at work. That might cure him of his piggy'ness!

Good luck!

MaGoose2010's picture are so right! I was trying to be polite. This kid's BM has been very lacking in all aspects of the kids life. Now that he is with the BM (for 5 weeks) she phones FH and complains that the kid won't bath...ha ha ha!!

I am secretly praying that he doesn't come back because it is leaning towards that. The whole holiday it has been on again off again. FH has been going out of his mind. One day the kids staying there the next he's coming home...wish he would make up his frigging mind!

MaGoose2010's picture

Foxie, you are right. But I don't want him back. He must stay with BM and her kind where he is happy as a pig in sh*t (literally!) It will make FH very sad and unhappy to have his golden boy gone but at least I will be less stressed.

FH has been going into SS14's room and chucking things out..haha

stormabruin's picture

If te kids were getting allowance to clean & they weren't doing it, they don't get allowance. They weren't getting paid to straighten. They are expected to straighten so your family can have a decent home.

The cleaning money goes to the maid...who truly cleans. What you've done is fair.

As far as the kids being upset wearing on your husband...welcome, husband, to parenthood. When it's done right, it's exhausting.

What would make it less exhausting for both of you is to know that you can each count on the other for support. Him waivering because he doesn't want to deal with it will make it more difficult for both of you. If he's going to leave it to you to administer discipline & punishment, he needs to commit to having your back when you do it. That way, there is no waivering. It just is what it is. The sooner the kids realize he's standing behind you, they'll give up the fight.