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What do you do with the other Skid(s) when one refusing to come over

Ninji's picture

Recently, SS has been wanting to stay with BM during the weekends. (We have them every weekend)

The first time, he cryed and said he missed his mom and wanted to spend "family" time with her and her boy toy fiancé.

SO was hurt but allowed it. Come to find out, SS and BM didn't spend any time together. SS just wanted to stay with BM because he is grounded from video games at our house and never is at BM's.

Two weekends ago, he pulled it again. When we pulled up to pick up SD, SS walked out with his tablet in his hand. He was already playing video games.

As soon as SO got back in the car, he turned into Disney Dad with SD. Whatever she wanted she got that weekend.

Maybe he was hoping SD would go back and tell SS about what a great time she had and he would not want to miss anymore weekends? IDK But I do know that it pissed me off.

SO made the choice to let SS stay with his mom. He doesn't have to do that. SS is only 9. He doesn't get a say. I afraid that this Disney Dad shit is going to grow and he will start kissing SS's ass because he doesn't want to miss any time with him.

What do you do when one Skids decides he/she doesn't want to come over for visitation time. Does the Skid that did come over get spoiled for the weekend?

Comments

misSTEP's picture

Not at our house. SS came over almost every single visitation he was supposed to. I guess he got more time with DH since DH wasn't splitting attention between the two skids but he didn't go overboard trying to give SS a good time in the hopes that SD would get jealous.

tryingmom's picture

We are going through this now. SS15 is mad at me, he doesn't think he should have any rules in our home. Right! He's 15, he can keep his ass with his BM. SS12 still comes over, we have a great time, nothing out of the usual but it is calmer and he isn't as disrespectful as his older brother. We don't have to deal with too picky of an eater when its just SS12, he picked out a recipe for Mahi burgers for us to try, which his older brother would have bullied him to not pick.

I swear I heard DH on the phone with him last night talking about "the big improvements" SS15 is making in his life. I'm not holding my breath, he was in trouble at school again last Friday. DH pulled out the old Disney Dad and told him if the improvements continue then he'll buy him a new video game. When he got off the phone I looked at him and asked him what the time frame was for a gift for acting like a human being??? DH was not too happy hearing that, but he responded, 6 months? or maybe 3 months? I just shook my head and walked away.

Somuchdrama's picture

One of the skids do not to come over anymore. The other one comes if she feels like it. DH doesn't Disney out because one kid actually shows up. We do the same thing regardless of skid visit. If they don't want to visit just to see the other parent without expectations of being catered to, then they can stay with BM.

thinkthrice's picture

Your DH is going down the exact same road as a lot of NCP divorced dads go. And it's a treacherous one. I could have written this word for word. First OSS started his lame excuses (shortly after the BM made a fake CPS report on us; had the skids "lie to make Mommy happy"--direct quote).

So Chef didn't enforce visitation with OSS. Then SD followed suit--shortly after the fake CPS report when Chef saw that being Disneydad wasn't working and DARED to institute RULES! He let SD start staying behind at the "house with no rules" (Girhippo's).

Then Chef naively thought that YSS was "different" and would "want to come over" Two years after the fake CPS report, YSS remained the worst of all three; the most spoiled because Chef picked up his Disney dadding when he saw the oldest two fade away. He ended up PASing out just like the older two. Over a family meal, nonetheless!! The BM constantly gave them fast/junk food and Chef was putting an end to all that. . .how DARE he!!!

The Disney stuff actually enhanced the extreme disrespect and caused the PAS out that much sooner, IMHO.

IslandGal's picture

SD15 no longer comes over - we haven't seen her for over a year. SS13 still does but SO doesn't go completely overboard for him. We spend our weekends as normal - SO takes him to his activities and we do the usual thing.

It's taken time but SO has accepted the fact that SD15 won't be over any time soon - she won't visit unless we break up - which ain't gonna happen.

SS13 is no hassle at all - he's polite, respecful and always offers to help around the house, so having him is lovely. I, personally, don't miss SD15 at all - less toxic drama in our lives.