You are here

I guess only time will tell...

Ninji's picture

But I'm not feeling good about it.

Last night was a sort of open house for 8th grade students to tour the high school. Of course, BM refuses to take SD13 (BM has full custody of SD and we have SS)

So, we sit through about an hour of information about the school. They actually have some really amazing programs. I was pretty much a straight A student when I was in high school (100 years ago) and I was jealous I never got the benefit of the programs. If SD was a different person, she could graduate with her high school diploma and an AA. The college classes are free, the books are free and they bus them to the local college. Sounds like a dream to someone like me.

Anyway, after the lecture portion we were given the opportunity to tour the school. By this time it was almost 8pm. I told SD that she could pick 2 or 3 programs she was interested in because we weren’t going to be able to tour the entire school. (I wanted to see the culinary department and the machine shop)

A little background...SD is in chorus. It was not been easy because her mother refuses to support any of the after school events she has to attend. So we are left scrambling around to find a way to get her to and from school/back to BM's house. I told SD at the beginning of the year that we can only support 1/2 of the activities and BM should be supporting the rest. DH agree and then went behind my back and had his parents pull BM's portion. The reason this makes me mad is because SD only wants to come to our house when she is getting something or we are doing something for her. Other than that she gets mad if she is asked to stay an extra day (DH asked her to stay Sun night because they were off on Monday and we were at his dad's 70th birthday party. SD refused, got an attitude. DH relented, left his dad's party and took her back to BM's house. BUT then we had to re-arrange our schedule's and the grandparents schedule to get her to the open house last night). She's been told she is not allowed to sign up for any classes next year that require after school participation unless her mother is going to help at least half the time.

Ok, back to last night. SD wants to see the chorus department. The kids in the department were really excited and full of energy. They talked to SD about the program for about 15 minutes. While that was happening, I was looking at the schedule for the year that was hanging on the wall. They have two after school rehearsals a week plus events. Three months looked like they had a rehearsal or event almost every day.

When we left SD was not interested in looking at any of the other portions of the school.

DH and I spoke to her in the car about the chorus program. There is NO way we can support that without her living with us. We would both lose our jobs trying to get her to school on all those days. DH's parents are getting too old to be running around the county picking up SD and dropping her off multiple times a week for the next four years.

We've talked to SD more times than I can count about her priorities. Right now, it's more important for her to live with BM where she is pretty much living alone. (BM works at a bar and doesn't get home until 3/4 each morning and works 5 nights a week) She has no bed time, doesn't have to do her homework or chores. She has no consequences for failing classes and if she doesn't feel like going to school, she just stays home. BM doesn't care.

We've told her that she can either be a part of the school and more involved with after school activities or she can live with BM.

So, now we wait. SD likes to wait until she has DH alone and drop a few tears to get what she wants. DH has a really bad habit of over turning things that we have agreed on because SD doesn’t like the rule. If he does allow her to change his mind and ropes his parents into this, then I'm out of it. I won't be helping him AT ALL.

I know that it disappoints her but we just can't get her to school at 930am every day when we have to be at work at 7. We also have to think about SS and his schedule.

I really pisses me off that BM won't support SD. She hasn't gone to any of her chorus events in the past two years. We had SD in Tae kwon do for 4 years when she was young's. BM came to exactly zero practices and zero of her competitions. Never attended an award ceremony, open house or registration....but she did attend SD's 6th grade graduation and acted like MOTY.

...And before anyone asks, we didn't sign SD up for chorus and then expected BM to help. SD took it as one of her classes and I guess parents don’t have to approve the schedule????

It never ends.


Acratopotes's picture

Ninji Hon, disengage, work on DH not to fold, there's nothing you can do for SD.... but you can make it very clear to DH, if he goes behind your back again, it's breaking the trust and that's grounds for divorce...

be firm and keep your word... it's time to stop talking and start acting

Ninji's picture

BM lives about 40 minutes away from us. SD school is not in our school zone so the bus won't pick her up and it's way to far for a bike.

LostinSpaceandTime's picture

does the school have busing for students? So if she lives with you can she ride the bus to school and late bus home after activity?
Or is the school open early in the morning and till later in day and you drop her off when you go to work and come home. She uses the extra time at school to do homework or study.

I would not help if DH goes behind your back on this either.

An activity like this is good to keep her out of trouble. But only if she maintains her grades and meets other expectations.

Does BM live in another school district? If so why is SD going to this school in your district?

Ninji's picture

SD goes to school in BM district. Not ours. That's why we can't get her to school in the morning. No bus and too far for her to bike.