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wrong move?

nicolerw's picture

Submitted by nicolerw on Tue, 10/16/2007 - 10:52am

ok in the decree it says the exchange is to be at the residence of the other parent on there day.But the past couple months we have been meeting the BM at the police station bvecause of an incedent.But last exchange we told her we want to go by the decree and meet at the residences,but now the dad and ss live with me and i live 30mins away from town.But we figured that since the BM has had no gas in her vechile and has had to have a friend drive her to the police station that's down the road from her house to pick up ss,that how many times she would not be able to come get SS all the way at my house.But were figuring that BM will call on exchange day and say she can't make it out there and want us to meet her in town.So we just say no guess we will just have to keep SS for another week!lol but im wondering is this the right move?

Comments

Nymh's picture

Submitted by Nymh on Tue, 10/16/2007 - 6:05pm

I don't really think so. I mean yeah, -technically- if she's not picking him up then it's against what the parenting plan says...but I think you would be making yourselves look bad in court if you had ample gas and decided to keep SS instead of just bringing him into town just because she didn't have the money to come get him herself.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

everythinghappens4areason's picture

Submitted by everythinghappe... on Tue, 10/16/2007 - 6:12pm

for the exchange to start happening at the police station? Is it safe to resume the exchange the way it is indicated in the court order?

Here's a suggestion, how about doing an exchange at the police station and giving BM a letter signed by dad that starting such and such a date, you will be returning to the schedule outlined in the court order and she is to arrange suitable transportion as it will be at your address from here on out? That way you are giving her notice and its in writing.

Corie

Mary Louise's picture

Submitted by Mary Louise on Tue, 10/16/2007 - 9:39pm

my understanding of most court ordered agreements is that they are the final say in how things are to be handled unless you BOTH agree to another way of handling things. You don't have to do anything but follow the agreement and you don't have to get her permission to follow the court ordered agreement.

I think if we were in the position of a BM with no way to get gas for her car or get to our home, we would end up taking the kids, just so the kids would realize that we are not trying to keep them from their mom. However, if she is truly making waves to cause difficulty and had a way to get the kids in a safe/legal way, stick to the court agreement. You can't refuse to let her take the child, but also you are under no order to take him yourself. If she "chooses" not to pick him up it is on her. Tough call as it smacks of manipulation to get you to handle all transportation. Maybe there is more to the story. I'm curious as to why you are exchanging at a police station.

Elizabeth's picture

Submitted by Elizabeth on Wed, 10/17/2007 - 1:21pm

We faced a similar situation. Originally, we had to go out of our way to pick up SD because BM was (and still is) a b****, meaning we had to do transportation for ALL exchanges. But then she moved an hour away from us. My husband and BM ended up in mediation, and it was determined that they would meet halfway at a neutral location (a gas station in this case). Can you do something like that?

Anne 8102's picture

Submitted by Anne 8102 on Fri, 10/19/2007 - 8:37am

If the child's father wants to alienate the child from his mother, then hey, by all means be hardassed about it and make her stick to the decree. If, however, he doesn't have a problem with meeting her at a neutral location that is, perhaps, midway between their residences, then this sounds like a reasonable accommodation. If both parents are willing to make small sacrifices in the interest of getting along for the sake of their child having a healthy relationship with both of them, then I think they should do whatever they can to make that happen. This is a minor issue and it's sometimes wise to bend on the small stuff so that both parties are more agreeable to working together on the bigger issues. In other words, pick your battles.

~ Anne ~

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