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ok..lets introduce you to my EX - AKA the Village idiot

halo1998's picture

While my DH was dealing with his private hell..aka The Beaver..I was dealing with my own private hell...aka The Village Idiot..aka VI

There is a saying that every village has an idiot..with The village idiot lives in a village (it is legimately called The Village of Xxxxx) and he is there idiot, hence The Village Idiot.

Now VI is a diagnosed narcissist.  He got diagnosed when he DEMANDED a custody evaluator during a custody battle and tried to maniuplate the personality test and manipulate the evaluator (a psychatrist).  Yep...the evaluator was on to him.  Wasn't too hard though.

Example:  Told the evaluator that he woud NEVER EVER call me names and certainly wouldn't use the word c*nt.  Its not in his vocabulary.

Really....imagine the look on the evaluators face when I played the recordings of him calling me just that all the while you can hear my DD who was 4 at the time ask why he was calling mommy names. 

Another example:  He would never ever ever hit anyone, let alone a women.  He is just not a violent man.  

Really...played the recordings of him admitting ot hitting me and punching me...but that I deserved it.  And played the recording of him telling me that he would kill me in front the kids and that the kids wouldn't cry at my funeral since they didn't love me anyway.  And the recording of him telling me he would kill me and dismember my body.  Showed the evaluator pictures of my bruised neck, the stiches I had in my face from being hit with a full can of pop.  The black eye I had from him punching me.

He told the evaluator he was a genius and a member of MENSA.  spoiler..he is neither.

He told the evaluator he is the BEST FATHER one is better.  Yet couldn't tell you what the kids liked, what therapies DS was in or what the kids middle names were. (Yes he did not know).

Now VI was violent during our marriage, I was choked, slapped, kicked, punched, things thrown at me and he hit me with his car.  I still have scars on my face from the beatings.

I left the marriage with what I could carry in a suitcase, my 401k, my car and what I had in a private checking account. That was it..I left everything else, the house, the money, the other cars.everyting.   I just wanted out with a custody arrangement that I drafted.

His attorney advised him to take the deal becuase if we went to court he would not get that much at all.  

He took the deal..did that stop him.  NOPE

He stalked me, harrassed me, harrassed my parents, my friends and my co-workers.  I finally took all my recordings of him, pictures of him stalking me, letters he sent to the above people to my local domestic abuse advocate center. The advocate listened to the recordings (many in which he detailed how he would ruin my life and would ultimately kill me) and told me to wait and came back with the county prosecutor. I walked out of court that day with temporary protection order and went back in 30 days for a permanent protection order.   I was granted a 5 year permanent protection order.

Now..he is not smart.  He tried to be more sutble in the intimidation and harrassment. He would block my car in a custody exchanges (we exchanged at a fire station since he couldn't be trusted that would later be changed to a police station).  He would shout out things to me at exchanges.  Then he started to tell me he would kill me again when exchanging the kids.  Here is where he was an idiot..

The last we exchanged kids at the fire station I brought along DH (we were dating at the time) and my digital recorder.  VI had been threatening me but with no recording the police couldn't do anything.  I tried...PO's suck sometimes.  So..this time I was ready. VI lost his ever loving sh*t when he saw DH in the car.  The kids had gotten out and got into VI's car.  VI came charging out of this car, yanked open the passenger door and tried to get my DH out of the car.  He started to yell he was going to kill me and DH and proceeded to punch my DH.  DH was still seatbelted into the car and did not get out. (Later he told me it took every once of self restraint not to get out and beat the sh*t out of DH but he didn't want my kids to see that).  VI then saw the recorder and proceeded to grab it out of my hand, run to his car and leave.

I called the police...and they came.  Took our statements and to their credit took it very seriously.  Here is where the VI made the biggest mistake.  One of the officers was female, she called the VI on my cell phone and told him he could either return to the scene or they would come to the house, his choice.  The VI proceeded to insult the female officer, tell her to go to hell and that she was no officer.  She hung up and was PISSED...and said wow he is a piece of work.  At this point, she told her back up what had gone down and now both are pissed.  Her back up called the VI and told either get back to the scene or they would most certanly be visiting him at home.  

The VI did not go to either, he went to Walmart to buy the kids toys (bribe gifts).  The police officers called him one more time and VI agreed to meet at the fire station. He meets them and tells them his side of the story which certainly does not match mine and DH's story and they ask about the recorder.  At first he tells them, its his.  Officer straight up tells him, he doesn't believe him its his and to tell him what type it is, etc.  VI couldn't do then he tells them well it might be my recorder and that I "gave" it to him. 

Officers at this point are suspicious..and receive the ok to search his car based on the fact that the recorder is not his and I did NOT give it to him.  They retrieve the recorder and play the which he can clearly be heard threatening to kill me and my DH.  All of which is a violation of the PO.  VI is arrested and charged with a felony.  

I had to go to the police station to pick up my kids, who were tramatized by seeing their dad arrested and handcuffed.

The kicker was Christmas Eve......f'n Christmas Eve he pulled this crap.  Upside Christmas judge, no bail,  no hearing.  The VI was dumb enough to do this on a holiday weekend and thus staying in jail in an orange jumpsuit for 4 days.  Downside my kids Christmas was full of trama and sadness.

In the end the VI was found guilty of a class D misdemeanor, sentenced to 7 days in jail, two years of probation, fined $1500 and had to undergo mandatory psych treatment. The judge told him to find a new hobby other than harrassing his ex wife as the next time he would see a minimum jail time of three years.  The judge also changed the custody exchange to the police station and required that the VI be IN the station to receive the kids.  If he was not IN the police station, then I was to leave and the exchange would not occur.  

The judge was taking no chances as another women in the county had just been murdered in front of her kids during an exchange by her ex husband.  The entire county was on high alert for domestic violence.

This is why we call him The Village Idiot...don't threaten your ex who has PO against you on a holiday weekend, don't insult the female cop and don't lie about something that prompts them to search your vehicle.  Most certainly do not do this right after a domestic volience murder occurred in the county you are in.





tog redux's picture

Holy crap. He deserves a more harsh name, like The Village Madman, or something.

Now he behaves himself? Doesn't try to alienate the kids?

Aniki's picture

I'm so sorry! I have a narcissistic psycho exh who mentally/physically abused me, stalked me, and tried to kill me. He is cutrently serving time on jail. We were supposed to go back to court to keep him incarcerated (20-25 more years), but that was postponed due to the pandemic. 


halo1998's picture

for the rest of his natural born life.  And here is to you surviving...and thriving.  Thriving afterward is in my opinion the best revenge.

Aniki's picture

Jail is where people like this need to be!

Yes, thriving is definitely the best revenge. *give_rose*

halo1998's picture

I get the odd email every once in awhile on how I am the root of all evil, etc.  Those get saved in the VI folder...but my kids are 18 and 21 now and still come to my house every other week.  He did try to alienate the kids to some degree but my DD was onto what she calls "his drama king ways" early and pretty much told him, knock it off or I will go live with Mom permantely.  That shut him up for some reason.

He was stripped of all decision making after the PO and subsquent custody battle.  He got every other week with the kids only because the kids wanted to keep that schedule and I didn't want my kids to not see their father.  But I had all decision making for school, medical, legal, etc.  The first right of refusal was also remove as he would use that as a club against me.  Now he still found ways to mess we over the years, but I refused to give him any attention and as a NARC he eventually went elsewhere for his NARC supply.

Gimlet's picture

Damn, Halo.  You treated him far better than he deserved.  You managed to deal with him while letting your kids have a relationship with them and keeping them safe.

Hats off to you, lady.  

halo1998's picture

it hasn't always been easy but my kids were my primary concern..second to my wants/wishes.  My tongue has a permant groove in it from biting it so many times.

DPW's picture

Whoa, that's tough. Sorry you and your family went through this. How's your kids relationship with him?

halo1998's picture

with their dad and still go to his house one week and my the other.  My BS will go along to get along.  My DD is move vocal and will assert herself when she needs to.  The VI will try to pull stuff with her and the last time she pointed out she is an adult now and that custody does not exist and if he kept up the crappy behavior she will just not go to his house. 

I tried over the years to give them tools to deal with their dad. I never bad mouthed him but did point out things that were maniuplative and how to handle them gracefully.  It has helped.  It also has helped that I did not engage with him at all.

I chose to not seek reimbusement for things he should have paid half for etc.  That would have given him license to enter my life and it was not worth it to me.  My kids understand now that I paid for everything, lessons, medical, trips, school, tutors,  daycare, etc. I am the one they can count on to take care of things..their dad is their dad but they don't rely on him for things.  

I will say my kids had to grow up and be indpendant early since at their dads house they were responsible for taking care of themselves.  He is his needs were first.  So he often didn't come home till late, etc.  They learned to cook, shop, clean etc.  In some ways that was my house they got to be kids and not deal with all that. 

Lifer33's picture

He's way more than the village idiot hey, he sounds like a deranged v dangerous man Sad why do the courts still let the kids have contact with this man Sad there's been many an example of such men not being able to hurt the ex anymore so they've turned it on the kids. I'd be terrified for them mentally and physically Sad

JRI's picture

Your story is truly horrendous but you ( thankfully) missed one thing.  My EX was stalking me and not getting the attention he felt he deserved.  So he kidnapped my son from school (1st grade).  This was in the days before schools were so vigilant about security.  He kept him for several days, using him as bait to get me to come get him.  I did, a long nightmare story.  I had a knife in my purse and planned to kill him, if I had to.  Luckily, i was able to get son and myself out of that.  A nightmare.  He was charged with 2nd degree assault.

halo1998's picture

but I already had the PO at the time and he was told by the police and his attorney, turn over the kids or he would be arrested on the spot and in would probably lose all custody.  It was enough that he never ever tried that again.  

I'm sorry that happened to you and your son.  How scary for both of you..there certainly is special place in what ever after life you belive in for persons that use a child for vendetta.  

Thumper's picture


Very,very frightening to read.

He deserves to be behind bars.