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Tears of anger or laughter?

newcstep's picture

SD8 hasn't been doing her homework at her mom's house, and her grades are suffering. DH had a 5 min conversation with SD about the importance of doing homework, that it is HER responsibility (no matter which house she is at) to make sure it gets done, and showed her how it is impacting her grade. He explained that he doesn't mind bad grades as long as you are trying your best, but not doing homework is not trying. He made a comment that he would need to think about the possibility of consequences if this continued. Conversation ends, we go on to have a very enjoyable evening.

Then SD goes home to her mom's house. Cue the shit storm. DH is assaulted by a series hate texts. Apparently a 5 minute conversation has been transformed into berating and threatening his daughter, making her cry, destroying her self confidence, and not being able to see what a wonderful child he has. He now is acting like his own deadbeat father, alienating his child, and will never have a good relationship with her if he can't accept the "help and advice" from BM that she is trying to offer.

I love my DH and his ability to laugh it all off. I on the other hand have the temper of a raging bull and wanted to chuck his phone out the window. Fortunately DH challenged me to a game of basketball instead (on our son's kiddie toddler hoop set). Our game started with me screaming and throwing the mini basketballs as hard as I could, but apparently DH seems to think its cute when I'm mad and can't help but laugh, which makes me laugh too. The game soon turned into a laughing tickle war trying to block each other's shots.

Moral of the story?
BM is crazy and tries to manipulate any situation into DH being a bad father. My DH has the patience of a saint and I love him dearly. I probably need to take a chill pill and not let BM get to me so much, but at least I have my DH to calm me down. I am a little concerned about SD going home and "crying" to her mom, but overall she's a good kid. DH plans to talk to her about it all again. I have no idea what he's planning to say. Guess we'll see...

Comments

Acratopotes's picture

disengage from BM lol....

when she calls, start a stripping routine in front of DH..... or lick his ear distract him that he starts laughing in her ear... if she text... send her funny replied back.....

newcstep's picture

SD is generally a good kid. But I really fear for the future. I see on here all the time how allowing this to continue could have disastrous consequences. I don't want BM to bully my DH into not parenting SD. And she's not.... yet. I also don't want SD to think she can get out of punishment. DH will still expect homework to be done and enforce consequences if it isn't, but what will that do to his relationship with SD? Is BM kinda right? It won't take SD long to learn that daddy is mean and mommy lets me do whatever.

ntm's picture

"Apparently a 5 minute conversation has been transformed into berating and threatening his daughter, making her cry, destroying her self confidence, and not being able to see what a wonderful child he has. He now is acting like his own deadbeat father, alienating his child, and will never have a good relationship with her..."

We used to get this kind of ship from BM too. Now 22 is paying off college loans working as a part time barista and a part time dog walker, and 19 didn't go to college and is unemployed.

Yeah, she did an awesome job preparing them for real life by teaching them that totally slacking at their jobs of being students was no big deal.